When I first started my blog in the spring of 2015, I was afraid to announce that I was the author. I primarily wanted to stay behind the curtain because I wanted to feel complete freedom of speech which meant writing without offending anyone. I really dislike confrontation.
I lasted about a month before coming out. This secret was kept longer than I lasted when I lived in sin with my husband for now 19 years, Jason. When I got my first job at Turner Broadcasting and moved into a one bedroom apartment in Vinings, I told my parents I was living solo. I explained that Jason was giving me most of his furniture from his apartment because he was going to move in with his aunt to save money. Jason and I moved in together and my soul turned blacker and blacker that week. I made it to the next weekend and came clean with my parents at their house. My dad told me the ultimate thing that always got to me: ‘I’m so disappointed in you, Elizabeth’. My mom said something like ‘Why would he (meaning Jason) buy the cow when he could get the milk for free?’ Really mom? It didn’t change our situation, we knew we were committed for life but we felt we were too young to get married. We didn’t want to waste an extra rent when we could be banking that income for future plans. We had an understood agreement that we would live together no more than a year before something more serious like an engagement would happen. By the way, it took Jason just about a year to take the next step and then we had a yearlong engagement. (more…)
I’m tough on myself and I hate to let others down. Guilt is a common emotion for me – truly probably a daily occurrence. You see, it’s impossible to make everyone happy in a world with so many competing priorities. Just like an overstuffed sandwich, some wonderful initially desired ingredient is going to slip out and get left behind on the plate or the wrapper. We can just fit only so much into our mouths or into our day.
For me, guilt flashes into my head, slithers down the back of my throat and wedges itself in my chest where it pressure cooks for a few minutes. Sometimes it gets the best of me and I steam out a few tears but lately I’m practicing a lot of self-talk and can get that pesky guilt emotion to dwindle and sometimes even completely dissipate. Deep down I do know that I’m doing enough – more than enough…probably too much! (more…)
There are lots of things I love about my 77 year old mother and a few big things I’d love to change.
Once I came back from the hair salon with my haircut shorter than usual. My husband commented that I was looking more and more like my mom. I freaked out! My mom used to say that when she was my age she started gaining weight and falling apart. This frightened me. My mom is morbidly obese, has type II diabetes, relies on personal assistance for most everything and her mobility is limited with a walker. Her mind is still great – thank God! So you see, hearing that you are looking more and more like your mom…isn’t music to my ears.
This week I’ve been excited about starting this blog. I’ve been doing research, listening to podcasts, and scratching notes of blog names and topics in a journal. I haven’t felt like this (about anything other than my family!) since I went to my first scrapbooking party 15 years ago and stayed up so late dreaming of scrapbook layouts and all the memories I could capture on album pages. It also hit me today that I am a lot like my mom. The good parts that I love. (more…)
I’ve been told this several times, especially in recent years. I have never doubted that I have a story or stories to tell and I recognize the power in the written word. It’s powerful for me personally in that I feel lighter after expressing myself with words and it can be powerful for others who absorb the words and take action or see something in a different way then ever before.
I’m just like many of you in most ways…I’m a middle age mom trying to do her best in a world with lots of competing priorities. I often compare my life to a puzzle…each piece is a member of my family who needs care, a task to do, a meal to eat, a goal to work toward, a bill to pay…you get the idea. (more…)