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To be able to kind of give that data um validated my presence there. I wasn’t just the wife, you know, I wasn’t just um you know, some random person, I was, you know, the caregiver.

Caring for aging parents or other loved ones while working, raising Children and trying to live your own life, wondering how to find the time for your personal health and happiness. Well, you’re in the right place. Welcome to the Happy Healthy caregiver podcast to show where real family caregivers share how to be happy and healthy while caring for others. Now, here’s your host, Family Caregiver and Certified Caregiving consultant, Elizabeth Miller.

Hello, everyone. Thanks for tuning in to the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast, which is part of the whole care network. If this is your first time listening, welcome. This is a show produced biweekly to help family caregivers integrate self care and caregiving into their lives. You can also find the Happy Healthy caregiver podcast on the whole care network streaming radio channel. So that’s an app that you can download, you can listen to my podcast and many of the other caregivers related podcast on the whole care network. Each of our episodes has an accompanied show notes page. So if you’d like more details about the topics, products and resources we speak about, you will find the show notes by going on the website Happy Healthy caregiver. com underneath the podcast menu. Click the image or the episode number for today’s show. The link for the show notes is also going to be found in your podcast episodes. Description. Does your company have employee resource groups and prioritize employee wellness? If so, you might want to let them know that I offer an annual corporate support package that includes educational webinars, a caregiving panel monthly group coaching calls and more. I’m excited that employers are starting to get that working family caregivers need their support and they need the community. And this support also benefits employers as it is expensive to attract to train new employees and supported employees are more productive and present in the show notes. I will link to my speaker page which includes a speaker demo video. If your employer likes what they see, they can use the contact us page to reach out. I’d like to thank our episode sponsor, Rare Patient Voice. Do you want to earn cash in exchange for your opinion? Rare Patient voice or R PB helps connect researchers with patients and family caregivers for over 700 diseases and conditions for patients and caregivers. R PV provides the opportunity to voice their opinions to improve medical products and services while earning cash, rare patient voice, helping patients and caregivers share their voices if you’re interested, join the R PV panel at Rare patient voice. com/happy, healthy caregiver for this episode segment of what I’m reading. Well, I finished a book called The Women by Kristen Hannah and it is a five star read. And if you have been a podcast listener for a while, you know, I am stingy with my five stars. Five stars are special and I have given a couple of Kristen Hannah’s other books, five stars but not all of them. Here’s what I learned women were in Vietnam. Thank you Kristen Hannah for this eye opening, gut wrenching well written historical fiction novel. May we learn and never repeat these horrific parts of our history and may we always appreciate our freedom and hold high those who fight and provide care during war conflicts? I will link to this amazing book called The Women by Chris Hannah so that you can check it out. My favorite thing for this episode is a, is something free. Yay. It’s a free smartphone app called Water LMA. Water llama. com is where you’ll find out about it. I have been prioritizing a healthy habit every month for this year and sometimes tracking is involved. I’ve been tracking my protein grams trying to increase and be intentional about my protein consumption and to track this, I’ve actually been using an app that I’ve used before to track water called water Lama and I will likely use this again to track water consumption on a future months. Focus it’s a fun app that allows me to put a widget on my smartphone to make all of the tracking quick and simple. If you want to learn more about this, like you pick 12 thing where I’m picking a healthy habit every month. I will link to that. Also in the show notes.

Let’s meet today’s caregiver in the spotlight. Tara Ross brings a wealth of personal experience and unwavering support to fellow caregivers. Drawing from more than a decade of caregiving roles, having navigated the complexities of caring for a veteran, her in-laws and balancing the needs of young Children and pets. Tara intimately understands the challenges caregivers face in this episode of the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast. Tara shares her journey of overcoming caregiver burnout and implementing strategies to prevent future exhaustion. She also discusses how her own caregiving journey inspired her to develop innovative products to assist other caregivers. And Tara introduces a transformative visual tool designed to help caregivers assess their energy levels and maintain balance in their lives. Enjoy the show.

Welcome Tara to the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast. Thank you for having me. I’m so excited to be here. Yeah, excited to uh we uh we got to know each other, I think through Tik Tok, which I think I’ve been on there maybe like a year and a half, maybe even two years now. So it’s uh it’s been interesting. Tik Tok is definitely an interesting platform. But um you’re one of the caregiving friends that I’ve made on that platform and we’re going to get into your story and your spotlight and your self care and all of that. But we always start something by picking from the happy, healthy caregiver jar. So I’m a big believer in words like in mindset. Uh So let’s see what we’ve got here today for you, Tara. It says the future depends on what we do in the present. And that’s a Gandhi quote. Actually, the future depends on what we do in the present. Do you have any thoughts on that? Yeah. Um Really the definition of present um being present. Um I think that’s a one that I continue to practice doing is being present. Um And that being a present as well um in how I move forward in the future. So if I’m being present and I’m recognizing, you know, as my, in my caregiver duties, what is going on now that can help me in the future, either dealing with something positive or negatively or um hopefully more positively. Um, especially, you know, when things, you know, go wrong or there’s an emergency, being able to um, be currently present so that way we can handle the situation better. So I think that’s um, well, and, and I think sometimes I get stuck in my own head. I think, like, look at all the hard stuff we’ve already done, like, and we survived this hard stuff. Like, yes, it’s gonna be ok. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So thank you for sharing that. Well, tell us a little bit Tara about your, your caregiving story. Like give us, give us the lay of the land here a little bit. Ok. Um, I became a caregiver, um, when my ex-husband, um, who was a veteran or is a veteran, um, got hurt. Um, so that was one of those things where, you know, when you marry a military person, you don’t think that they’re ever gonna get hurt even though, you know, that that kind of comes with the job to some extent. And, um, when it happened, it was obviously a shock and, um, just kind of went right into, you know, how can I help? How can we get through this and then realizing that some of his injuries were going to be long term. And what does that look like, you know, for us, for his career, for our family that we’re about to start. Um, and then not too long after he got out of the military, I had my first child. So then that’s my second caregiving experience. Um, and then around my second child, we decided that we needed to go be with his family, um, whose father at the time was his help was declining. So we went to go help him and, uh also his mother. And then, um, yeah, so, yeah, husband kids in-laws. I’m fortunate enough to have my parents, um, still be quite healthy even though I do some, a little bit of caregiving here and there. But I know that my time will come where they’re going to need me. And so I’m taking some of this time while I’m still caring for my kids to kind of give myself some self care so I can be ready to help them. Yeah. I mean, we have big families and we have big families like it’s, it’s, there’s always someone kind of right. That needs attention, love and attention. Um, well, how did, how did your caregiving, how did that change your relationship with your ex-husband? It tastes a lot. It, um, you know, I mean, the, the transition of getting out of the military was a thing, um, let alone becoming his caregiver and doing all that. And, um, when he got out, he was not in good shape and we were fortunate enough to be around um military specialists that were honest with us as to what to expect moving forward because there’s quite a big process getting out and seeing lots of people and getting certain paperworks and it’s very overwhelming. Um And so like right then and there, I realized that I need to get organized in a way that like this is, this is my job. Now. I am, I’m a secretary. I am a caregiver. I am, you know, I’m seeing all these different kind of like side rules that I’m having to do and I need to make sure that, you know, I have ad D 214 is, you know, available and ready extra copies. Um you know, checking out these websites, checking out these services and do they apply to us and um yeah, it gets very overwhelming, especially on top of him having to deal with pain, him, having to deal with, you know, not being in the military and being a civilian again and, and then we have this baby and then, you know, so um lots of doctor’s appointments and he’ll never be bored. No. Were his injuries, mental physical combination of both. Yeah, both TB I PTSD. Um he was um in submarine service. So um being a 6 ft three man and a 6 ft sub doesn’t really go together and I would think that, you know, they would have some height limit but they don’t. So, you know that, yeah. So some hip issues, some back issues among some other things. But, yeah, it was, yeah, both physical and mental and, um, and that creates another dynamic to pain medications, to pain management to, um, you know, getting certain assistant needed for those certain disabilities. Wow. Wow. Yeah, I, I have heard this, I’m not a military caregiver and, you know, we’re, um, I’ve got a nephew that’s just kind of venturing down that road and, and watching my sister’s eyes. Um, but you, you mentioned how difficult it is to navigate that. Like, what advice do you do you have for other military family, caregivers? I would probably start off if possible. Um, if they’re still in the military because I have, um, a couple of friends and family that are still in and I, um, encourage them to really advocate for themselves while they’re in the military, um, of whatever injuries that they have and that it be recorded because if you don’t do that it’s harder to get help and say that service connected it if it’s not, like, go to their clinics and start getting things recorded and, and not, and, you know, be brave enough and have the courage to say that there’s something wrong because, you know, depending on the branch and depending on, you know, what they do, they, they, they want them to be tough and I understand that but, you know, there’s a time in a place where you do really need to speak up and, yes, exactly. Not robots. So I found myself having to do a lot of that while he was in the military because he wanted to, you know, be a teammate and, and be there for his brothers and, and, you know, and I get that. But if I, I felt like if I didn’t speak up for him that it would have been a lot worse, if, if I didn’t, you know, he would have, he would have kept working and, and not really advocating for himself. And I think it would have gotten worse if I didn’t say anything. Yeah, it has a ripple effect. Right on the whole family, on the kids on the house, on your view and everybody’s health, all of that. Um Well, that is a lot. And do you, do you feel like you experience caregiver burnout? And what did that look like? If so? Yeah, absolutely. No doubt. Yes. II, I don’t want to call it a r A passage passage, but I think it’s kind of inevitable to some extent that you’re going to experience. It’s like you gotta hit your bottom like whatever your bottom, like, and what maybe talk about that, like, what did, what were some of the signs and like, what was your bottom where you were like? Ok, enough of this? Uh I, I think I went, I mean, I, I, my worst was I had a panic attack. What does that look like? Because when people say that, oh, I have a panic attack but, like, what does that look like? I couldn’t control my heart. I could not control my breath. Um, I couldn’t control my body basically. Um, you, I, I couldn’t breathe. I, I had a hard time breathing. I was just in and out and, um, it lasted for maybe 30 minutes or so. It was quite a long time. Um, I was fortunate enough that it happened at night so nobody really could see it or, you know, the kids weren’t there. So I didn’t have to, like, get back a caregiver mode to allow me to kind of go through that process. But, um, like some of my smaller burnouts look like, um, getting irritated over things that normally would not irritate me. Um, my sleep pattern if I’m not getting enough sleep or feel, you know, just emotionally or physically tired. Um, another interesting one for me is food. Um, if I start burning my food or if it’s not tasting, you know, like, as good as it normally does. I notice like that you’re a pretty good, like, I don’t know about that. But, I mean, you know, it, it’s gotta be, yeah. You know, it shouldn’t be burnt. It should, you know, if the kids don’t like it then, you know, your mind is somewhere else. Yeah. You know, I’m not paying attention, I’m not being present and focusing on the task at hand. So that’s a, a big one that I noticed that like once I start doing that, I need to start, you know, kind of pulling back and start thinking about. Ok, well, how do I um like I do an energy check whenever I can, I make a circle. Um and I put little lines out that um say where, where am I, where is my energy going to so like to my kids, to my job to um you know, whoever I’m caring for like where’s my energy going out? And then I put in um arrows inwards saying where’s what, you know, where’s my energy going in? Who’s pouring energy into me? Is it my mom? Is it my friends? And then that visual kind of helps me see, you know, what can I set boundaries? Where can I ask for more help? Where can I um you know, just to see the bigger picture? So um oh my goodness, I love that. I love that. It’s visual, right? Because you can be like, oh yeah, I think I’m doing something for myself or um but yeah, to your point, like there’s so many, so many demands that you’re juggling and competing. Um Was there a time though where you like had to switch your mindset and you’re like, OK, Tara, this is not working. Like was there a turning point that happened that or was it? Yes. Very health thing test that came back or what? There was a lot of that during the, um, the beginnings of him getting out and recognizing, um, how many organizations and, um, you know, through the va and, you know, associated with the va there were, for us, it, it became, like I said, very clear to me that I needed to really organize, um, paperwork, um, medications, um, you know, and then as allergies unfortunately came up, you know, paying attention to allergies, um, and I had to write them down and so I started, you know, just using a journal. I, then I went to, like some college, um, kind of organizational thing to help organize all the, you know, different appointments that we had scans. Um, and, and it was helpful but it just wasn’t good enough. So then I found that, um, I needed to create my own, um, that was easy for me to read, easy to, um, write in and, um, that really helped create space, um, for myself and my emotions. Um, not, you know, and also to, um, to share with the doctors, um, because there’s been so many times, like I go to the va and like, the computers aren’t working for whatever reason. And like, I’m like, well, here’s, here’s a list of all the medications, here’s the allergies, you know, this is what I’m seeing, um, you know, and, and to be able to kind of give that data, um, validated my presence there. I wasn’t just the wife, you know, I wasn’t just um you know, some random person I was, you know, the caregiver I was there, you know, helping. This is what I’m seeing. This is how I’m helping. Um Nice and it, and it really helped create that kind of care team that I needed as well. You know, I was able to have um a better conversation with the doctors and um like social workers to um you know, advocate better in that way. So um I, yeah, I love like the visual that you’re, what I’m imagining is t is like drowning in paper and data. And um I almost picture, I don’t know why this like cartoon octopus with like all these arms and you’re like w like pulling all these things in and out and then you look starved for systems like what using like a college planner to try to adapt it to your needs and, and then yet you were, you were doing this so that you could kind of get your head above water because to make it sustainable, like you’ve got to figure out how to make the like, this is your life. It’s messy as heck and you are trying to um put some systems in place. So you didn’t find one that you needed. So you created it, which is what we do as caregivers, right? We’re gonna figure it out, we’re gonna roll up our sleeves and figure it out. What is your, what is your system called? So you did it initially for your, for yourself. But I know, you know, from following you that you’ve got that it’s available for other family givers to use. So talk a little bit about what it, what is it, how um their digital care sheets. Um and when you purchase one, their digital download, um they come in PDF and um like a JPEG image and um I made it. So um I mean, here’s the thing, we all experience somewhat a similar thing, especially when it comes to um like medication, mood and um pain level. So those are all the same. But then when it comes to certain details like glucose tracking or vitals track, like there’s certain things that um are special to your caregiver experience and who you’re caring for. Um So I tried to make some basic ones like glucose tracking TB I PTSD or anxiety. Um you know, oxygen levels. Um but I really try my best to um share and encourage that I can make you custom ones. So if you have like an amazing care team where you’re not, you know, just the only caregiver um or you are, you know, asking for help from another care team that, you know, you can write down their names and see what they’re writing um that, you know, you can share them on like apps like good notes where you can write it down on an ipad that you can print them out and share them with your doctors and have them see it. Um, I, I want to make it so that it’s available for, however the caregiver wants to organize it. I love that. It’s, it’s, you know, we had this ru rudimentary system for my mom. It was just like a, a notebook frankly. And it had like columns and my, every time I turn the page, my sister would have to redo the columns and um, and we were tracking things like glucose, um her bowel bowel movements, her nebulizer treatments, she had to have three treatments we like check those off and um, and then notes like about certain things. Um but very rudimentary. But what I like about your digital care sheets is that they are allowing people to be consistent. So no matter if it’s you as the primary caregiver or other, like there were professional care givers that would come in with my mom and I’d have to write it down then like, what was this or that? Like, you’re getting the systemic and then it’s also like neat. So you can read it and then, and like accountability, um feeling comfortable with, you know, any kind of respite care whether that’s, you know, another family member watching. Um or again, yeah, outsourcing it in some way if you feel comfortable doing that, like, yeah, having that consistency and accountability is super important. Nice and, and that you allow people to customize it too. Is it great? You, you shared with me one of your mantras about this is that if it isn’t written down, it didn’t happen if it is written down, it’s as good as gold. Yeah, I firmly believe in that. I think somebody said that in the military and it’s, it, it seems to be accurate. I mean, again, specifically with the va although it does happen in the real world as well. I mean, if you, if a military person, person says that they experienced this had to, you know, this traumatic experience happened, but they, there’s no recording of it, it’s going to be hard to get help for it. Um So again, that’s why I encourage people that are still in the military to say this happened to me, it hurt. I, I might be ok right now, but I need it recorded. So that way if there are residual problems in the future, there’s a recording of that. Um And especially when it comes to military or um medical records, um I found it very hard to get assistance if the medical records were not correct when making decisions on service connection and um programs like the caregiver program where caregivers can get stipends to be a veteran caregiver um or things like a in attendance, you know, any of those money giving programs that the va has, if there’s, if the medical records don’t state what the caregiver or the veteran is saying you’re not gonna get any help. So I feel that um again, having documentation that you can share with the doctor double checking the medical records. Um Those things are helpful in getting the results that you need and not feeling like um like you’re not getting your tail because you get denied. That’s so frustrating, you know, you’re doing all of these things for your husband at the time, ex husband. But like, what is, what are people doing for you? Like, who’s supporting you throughout all of this? Um, there really wasn’t at the time. I really was just, uh, you know, doing it on my own. And, um, I mean, you know, I had my family, you know, helping with, you know, my, my kid, but, um, I, at the time didn’t feel comfortable giving that to anybody else and, and I really wanted to do it. I guess it might have been a brighter ego thing at the time too. But, um, once I had a system in place and a routine and I was able to, um, you know, put my sheets to work, I found it a lot easier to problem solve better. You know, I was able to find out, you know, why was he angry? You know, was it the activity that we’re doing? Is it the food? Is it the medication and, and having those sheets helped, um, again, take my emotions out of it and, um, just really look at the facts and create a conversation and communication with him and with the doctors of, like, you know, is this the medication, is this a TB, I, is this, you know, something that I’m actually doing and how can I improve on that or is this, you know, just the disease or, you know, whatever it is? So, um, you were vital, like what is, what is your relationship now or is there, are you have a care relationship with him who’s watching over him now? Yeah, I guess he’s doing fine. I lost out, lost out big time. 222 whammies for him. He was a man as a, as a primary caregiver. And yet, you know, there’s, you, you had mentioned to me like when we were preparing for this that, you know, there’s enchanting, I love that word, enchanting aspects of caregiving and bewildering aspects of caregiving. Like what are some of those like explain? Um I was, I was thinking about it because like, yes, I agree. And um because I’m the one who said it, but I, I feel like um at least from my background, you know, I watch my grandmother and um you know, like all those kind of elders take care of, you know, me and my cousins and um you know, seeing that kind of community and how well they did caring for, you know, their big families. Um It just it, it looked magical and I was like, I want to do that, you know, like I, you know, or like, do I have that in me? And then once you actually become a caregiver, a mother, it is like such a trial and error. I mean, there’s great books out there don’t get me wrong but like to actually experience it is another thing than just hearing about it. And, um, I mean, I wouldn’t trade being a caregiver. I, I’ve enjoyed it but um I, I wish that there was more that could be said about the caregiver experience. That is, and I don’t really know what it is. Um I think it changed. I make my, my, my experience of life overall. Um And how I communicate and experience life. I mean, it’s different because my experience, caring for adults has definitely been different um than caring for Children. Um But I think it’s just given me um just more appreciation and gratitude overall. Um cause I think sometimes we get lost in our own experiences. Yes. Yeah, 100%. Yes. And um just kind of remembering that like, you know, everybody’s experience is different and kind of kind of tapping into that. But then also like letting that go at the same time, I don’t know if that makes sense. But yeah. Yeah. And just like just that kind of support and yeah, being a caregiver just so magical. And um I think that the community is magical for sure. Like I’ve yet to meet a caregiver that I’m like, oh, I, like, do not like this person. Like, I, I got a short list of people I don’t like anyway. But, um, the, the, there, there’s just, there’s special people. Like the community is bar. No. Yes. No. It’s a, it’s a, it’s an experience that has to be experienced and once you, it’s like, it’s like you get it like there’s not really much has to be said, it’s, it’s nice to be able to just like, talk and not have to give that kind of detail and just be like, no, I get it. Um And even though the stories are different, right? Like you’re military, I’m a sandwich generation now, I’m a sibling caregiver, you know, caring for different people, different chronic diseases and stuff. Like there’s still some commonality that we can all kind of, you know, which is why your digital care sheets they apply for all the different situations. Um But that’s, you know, and, and I don’t know if it was for you t but like for me, like, I guess mostly after my mom passed away, I was like, do I still want to be in this space? Like, do I wanna still, I still care about this stuff? Like, and it was clear to be like, yeah, you still care. But then I was like, can I still share like, I don’t, I’m not actively you know, hands in on, on suffix that now I am with my brother but at the time it was right. You know, you still an authority but you once a caregiver, always a caregiver. Yes. And um the tools still apply always, you know, it always apply like even in just friendships, they still apply. It’s a um an experience that um yeah, I will forever have and, and forever be changed by, I like that. Ok. So you and you shared with us your, your caregiving burnout stories and um and thank you for going through the detail of the panic attack. I’m just in case people are like, I’ve never had one. What does that look like? Like this is what it looks like. I’ve had one as well. Not last for 30 minutes, but it was a scary situation where you’re like, I cannot get enough cold compress on the wrists or on the back of the neck. Um And then also if you have somebody that is there to support you during it, um either um like a hug on the chest or a hug on the back is also helpful in. Yes. Yes. But yeah, all those things help. Yes, I was not alone when I had mine. So I definitely had support around me. The um So how do you safeguard against burnout now? Like what’s your, what are your tools in your toolbox or what’s your, some of the regular things that you do? I um regularly do my best. Um I recently went through the um in an engineering class with um sad guru, the Isha program. Um And that, I don’t really know what that is. It’s a, it’s a, yeah, it’s like a meditative. What did you call it? Sad, a sad guru. It’s a sad guru. Yeah. Isha ish a probably messing it up. That’s OK. I’ll find it. Google is amazing. I just need a couple, I just need a couple words to get to it and I can put it in the show notes, babe. Yes. Um That’s been really helpful in shifting. Um Again, my perspective um more inwardly because that’s another thing about caregiving is it’s so easy to give all of your time energy um emotions towards the person that you’re caring for and not on yourself, not recognizing that like, you need it just as much if not more if you’re gonna help out the other person. Um So like kind of redirecting my self care in a way that um is more neutral if that makes sense. Um And I try to do practices every day. Um You know, positive affirmations are always great um eating healthy hydrating. Like I’m really just going back to basics like it’s been that bad at certain points of I’m really just having to get back to basics. Yes. Showering. Um You know. Yeah, like just like, like just sitting down, you know, like doing nothing and feeling ok about it. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Like, it’s just kind of that right now and then, you know, also being ok with going out and spending time with family or taking a road trip somewhere, um, like, it’s just kind of, yeah, just kind of getting back to basics for me right now. What I’ve heard you say kind of is you definitely touched on a lot of different categories of self care. It’s like social, intellectual, um, physical, emotional, all of those things. And so I think we need different things at different times. Um, and to, to be in check with that. Uh, and I think it’s good to know ourselves, right? Like, you know that about yourself that you’ve got to kind of, most people, I think we’ve got, you know, we’re not just cars that can like run and run and run, even a car, we have to refuel and take care of and put gas in and rotate the tires and all of that stuff. Like we’re just not machines. We, we, we need some, some love and attention that way and your energy check, I think is a good way to kind of tap into that. Like, is there, is there a daily time that you do that or is it, um, not really, I mean, I, I guess again it kind of depends on your schedule and, and kind of how often you need it. I mean, sometimes, um, you know, it might be good to do it every season, every, you know, three or four months, it might be good to do it monthly. Um, because, you know, as the seasons change, if you live in a place that has seasons, like, that might be important to, like, pay attention to how busy you are during certain seasons. And, you know, do you need to slow down during certain seasons or do you need to delegate during certain seasons more than others? Um, that’s so true. Even like, we’ve got our weather seasons. But I know like, as a mom of, of school age kids and you live in that, like, may is worse than Christmas. Like it is, um, the last, but yes, they are, they’re the last of everything, the last of this and that. And can you bring this and can you do that? I would lose my mind and then I finally learned like, ok, this always is happening. Like I’m not gonna schedule extra things now, I’m beyond that. So it’s, you know, I don’t have the, the kids in the m, but I’m still, I still feel anxious almost like when I hear like end of school and all that, I’m like all these poor teachers, these poor parents, like, oh, my gosh. And then, yeah, all the holidays and stuff too. It, it levels up, um, for, for things. I have some, some checklist of my own that, like, help people. Um, delegate care because that was, you know, sometimes I think it’s to see everything that you’re doing all, not just the caregiving responsibilities, but the family responsibilities and then the holiday responsibilities and you’re doing those sometimes for yourself. And if, you know, if you’re not, you know, you’re not taking care of your spouse, maybe somebody else has their own house and things like then your times to everything. Um, so it’s, it’s, I think it is good to kind of write that stuff down and, and really kind of check in with it. And I love the seasonal approach. The thing I also felt like in that same kind of vein, the seasons of back to school felt almost like I could breathe again. Like there’s this, I love summer and I did always have love summer, but there is this way, it’s different when you have kids. And I remember like laying out my calendar, like I used to buy that big one from, you know, the office supply store and lay it all out and looking at all the kids brochures and going online and trying to figure out like as a working mom, how I was going to keep these kids alive and entertained all summer long and it’s good. How do you manage that? It’s, I mean, like you said, like having those big calendars are really great. Um because not only does it allow, you know, the primary caregiver to really write everything out but having it available for everybody else to see you no longer become ok. So what are we doing tomorrow? What about, what are we doing next week? Like everybody can see and then possibly depending on their age and add to it autonomy. They can, they can advocate for themselves and say yes, I can do this or no, I can’t do this or, you know, you know, neighbor next door. So they want to do something next week and let me go check the calendar. They don’t have to continue to ask you, they could just, you know, do it themselves. So I, I think um having that communication is um and that visual once again is really helpful and um again, going back to the care sheets, it’s the same thing. I mean, yes, the primary caregiver um can be writing things down. But I’ve in my experience, you know, my ex-husband and for um my mother-in-law at the time, you know, having that written down, they got to see it too. It wasn’t, you know, just my observation, I could say, look this, you know, I’ve noticed that, hey, you’ve been feeling nauseous, I think it’s a new medication. You’ve been taking it for this long, you’ve been mentioning A B to CD, you know, things, maybe we need to go talk to the doctor or I can email them and, and we can fix that, you know, as soon as possible instead of waiting till, you know, three months till you see that doctor. And by that, you know, in the, in the it profession, we would say, like we would make decisions with data and that’s what you’re doing. You’re making decisions with data. It’s not just like, uh let me see what’s going on here. Like no, like you finding patterns and things and, and putting things out there so that you can, and they can write it down too. They can start seeing the patterns, they can write down their pain tolerance, their um their mood and you know how it’s changing throughout the day and, and that kind of awareness for them, especially when there’s chronic pain involved, it can be really hard to like be in your body and be aware of things that are going on around you. So to be able again to have that data um could take you out of your emotions and, and maybe even shift it so that way it’s not so strong. So, yeah, I find, I find, I found it very helpful and then again, for those who don’t like to be honest at the doctor’s appointment and pretend like everything’s ok, it’s going to be hard to do that if you have data to back it up because all of a sudden they’re miraculously better when you’re at the appointments and no pain whatsoever. And you know, because of all the adrenaline or the nervousness, it’s like all of that goes away. I don’t know. I mean, I’ve experienced it too but it’s just like, you know, well, then you’re gonna turn around and it’s still, it’s gonna remain unchanged for you. So. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Oh, yeah. The, the truth is always a little shifty. Um, but it’s coming from the carers to be like, I think that’s why, like, caregivers need to kind of in the room to be the, the bad cop, but just to be real, I don’t mind being the bad cop in that situation because then once the results came, it’s like I really wasn’t the bad cop. No. Was I like we got you that medication or we got you that specialist. Now we both want the same thing, right? You want to be happy and healthy? I want to be happy and healthy. Like let’s can we work together and doing this? I’m curious too, like with your, with your kids, like, did you see, did you feel like they were part of the care team? Um a little bit? But Children are so interesting because they can pick up on energy and emotion in a different way than adults can. So they were really good at um observing the room and matching the energy. So if you know what I mean? So it’s like if anybody were off, they could kind of feel it and, and either mimic it or even better change it, right? They, their, their, their happiness and joy and simplicity of life can change how somebody else is feeling. And that was um kind of magical to see reflection. Yes. Um You know, again, to help you be present and to help you kind of just like see the world in their eyes and be excited to see, you know, something new that you’ve never seen before. You know, it’s very cool and I think depending on their ages, like you get a little older, you know, like you were talking about the calendars and things like the school calendars, activity calendar. I would tell my kids, like you put it in, like you’re old enough, you know, how to do it, you know, they had smartphones. Um so that we’re all kind of reading from the same song sheet and yes, I think um it’s, you know, interesting, I think to, to kind of see what the impacts of caregiving have had on our kids and, and where that will take them. I don’t, it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s mixed, right? Like there’s some, yeah, I mean, they’re definitely going to understand empathy and I feel like they will definitely have the ability to um we people in those kind of nuanced ways. My concern I think is making sure that it doesn’t affect them too much. Like it’s good to have those power, you know, those powerful tools. But you want the, you don’t want the trauma that, yeah, I don’t want them to internalize it if it’s not theirs. Um, and that’s hard to, um, navigate even as adults with, you know, empathy as caregivers, most caregivers do you know? So interesting. Well, are you ready, Tara for the lightning round? Yes, I am ready. Ok. You’re like, yes, let’s do it. So this is, um, just some prompts. I’m gonna pick out from the, just for you daily self care journal and, ok. Well, we kind of touched on this but let’s see if you wanna add anything to it. What’s one thing you admire about your family? Um, yeah, I, I think resilience, I mean, and that’s something that kids definitely do. Um, very well is, um, you know, the younger they are as it gets older, I think it’s harder but they’re just really good at just like letting things go, you know, they’ll have a temper tantrum for a good, you know, three or four minutes and then, you know, they, like, it never happened and they live in the present. Yes. And I, I appreciate that because I’ve forgotten what that’s like and how to do it and, um, they’re really good at kind of getting, getting me out of my funk sometimes when I need it or, you know, or just take a break from it, you know, and sometimes you can’t get away from it depending on, on the care of a situation. So, yeah. No, I appreciate those things. Yeah. It’s like we’re teaching them but we’re also learning from them 100%. Um OK, I this question says, or prompt what life accomplishment. So it doesn’t have to be anything related to stuff we’ve talked about, but it could be what life accomplishment makes you proud of you. Um I mean, I think in general being a caregiver period is a great life accomplishment for me because not only am I able to learn and better take care of my loved ones, but I’m also learning how to take care of myself better. And, um, and in turn, having been a caregiver, I think, um, at a younger age than maybe others, especially when it comes to caring for a spouse. Um, I feel like I, I’m looking forward to caring for caregivers and, um, and although I’ve done some help currently I’m looking forward to doing more of that because I feel like we aren’t noticed as much and which is one of the reasons why I’m so glad that your podcast is, is here so that we can talk about it. And, um, thank you. Yeah. Oh, what, um, what’s one thing you did today to prioritize your own health and wellness? I don’t think I have done anything yet. It’s a little too early. I usually do my caregiving at night. Ok. What does your evening routine look like? I’m curious, evening routine consists of it kind of depends. Um, sometimes it’s just doing nothing watching a show. Um, sometimes it’s, um, sometimes it’s like the meditation. Um, I tend to do more of my meditation at night than in the morning. It just depends. Um, sometimes it’s listening to the music that I wanna listen to. Sometimes it’s, um, you know, taking a little bit longer on my showers and, you know, using all the perfumes and the things that I wanna use. Yeah, nighttime is just better for me, especially with kids right now. So, that’s good. I used to say I was off duty at like nine. Like, you know, when they, I was like, no, I’m off duty. This is, you’re on my time now. Yes. Yes. So they knew like, I mean, it’s like a boundary, like if they needed a paper signed or if they needed something they needed to come before nine o’clock or they would get the wrath of me like, yes. Um Thank you for sharing. What is your most treasured possession? And why? Last question, what’s your most treasured possession? Probably my kids. That’s a possession. Although it’s a weird thing to say otherwise. No, I don’t. I mean, I’m, I’m really, so you’re not a person. Yeah. No, I’m, I’m in the transition of not being a things person. I’m trying to be, I don’t wanna say a minimalist but just I want to spend time experiencing things then collecting things. So, um I guess, yeah, if you were to possess people that are, you know, then yes, I, I felt like, strongly that I, in the throes of caregiving I wanted less to take care of. I was like, what can I get rid of? How can we simplify? Like what, what? Like, because you, it’s directly, um, en energy, it’s energy, it is energy sucking all of that. And it’s like, if you can’t, like even like cooking, like cooking, I was like, I’d be so annoyed. Like, why do these people have to eat three meals a day? Like, I’m so tired, so tired of feeding people again. You’re hungry again? Can we not? I’m not hungry. Why are you hungry? Like, how can we make this easier? And it was like, you know, I would feel guilty sometimes and I wasn’t like feeding my kids breakfast but when they could get to the bottom shelf of the pantry and get a bowl and a thing of cereal or whatever, like, just make it happen, you know. Um, because, yeah, something has to give. It’s like you cannot be there all the time and I just, you know, it got to be that it was like a special occasion when I cook for my kids breakfast in particular. Yeah, it could be a weekend thing for me. It was the first day of school or first day of school. I usually made chocolate chip pancakes. Um, it’s your birthday. You get something, um, or if you have a big test, like, you’re gonna take those, like, Iowa Standard. Tests. I’m gonna, I’m gonna put brain food in you. Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. But then it was kind of like a treat. It wasn’t like, expected. But, yeah, the food thing was one that, how did you simplify? I’m just curious, like, how do you simplify that, or? Um, you know, there’s been many transitions. Um, meal prepping is always good. I mean, whenever, um, the weekend comes around, you know, I’ll make pancakes or waffles, but I’ll make, you know, way too many and then freeze it. So that way when the next weekend comes around or, um, and also my kids are not breakfast eaters, which I love slash hate. I mean, if they’re not hungry, I’m not going to push it. But, um, and even dinner, like the question, what’s for dinner like that used to drive me mad. I mean, I, I, another thing is also planning it out for the week if you need to have that discussion with the kids, like you could choose one week. But then this is what, you know, like compromise like, ok, I will let you have Wednesdays. You can have your chicken nuggets fine. Uh, you know, whatever it is, you know, a pizza, you know, you know, maybe order out once a week just to, you know, make it ok for everybody. And then, um, but yeah, or again, organization having it written out so that there’s no complaints you knew on Thursday we’re going to have broccoli don’t complain about it. Like, you know what I mean? Or whatever it is. Yeah. There’s, there’s, there’s always gonna be some, one thing at least. Yeah. I, um, I mean, we’re recording this before my son gets back for, for not just summer for a while because he’s graduating college and, like, literally one of my 1st 1st thoughts was, like, he’s 22 years old. He likes to cook. Oh, great. He can take one of the dinners every week. Like I’ll pay for it. Just do it, just make it happen. Put, put something on the table as a way to kind of like, you know, hard to transition as a caregiver when new things are happening because you’re so used to your routine that when it gets broken, positive or negative, it just throws the whole mindset off. So even getting, getting help can be, I don’t want to say a trigger but it could be, you know, disrupting because you’re so used to doing that task. So to have somebody else do it, take some time to get used to. Um It is going to be a new routine. Like he’s like, it’s, you know, my husband and I were doing like green chef. It was like, what’s for dinner? Whatever the next brown bag is, you just like assemble that. Yeah, we’re not going to do that with, with um the three of us. So, so interesting. Well, Tara, anything else that you you know, partying words of wisdom, things that you wish we talked about and it didn’t and, and then also how do people reach out to you? Um um, yeah, I can’t mention anything else I wanna say. I just hope that, um, the listeners learn some new things about burnout and prevention. Um It’s kind of inevitable but I just wanna make sure that the listeners know that it doesn’t have to be for a long period of time. You don’t need to um, have long burnouts or hyper vigilance or any of those things for a long period of time and, and I know that you’re not alone in, in it either if it does happen. Um and um if you are interested in my care sheets, um you can go to my Etsy shop. I am happy so happy to make you a custom one and talk to you about how I can assist you in making your life easier, getting respite, having accountability, um getting, you know, getting, getting stuff done. Um So you can have more time for yourself. Yes, they’re directly aligned for sure. Your Etsy shop is etsy. com/forward/the Caregiver Doula. Um And then also you’re on tiktok, if folks are on tiktok, they can check you out at the Caregiver Doula. Well, I’ve enjoyed the Time Flies, Tara. I really enjoyed this conversation with you and I think that these are, you have shared some mighty tips um for people because I think you know, we think of like being organized just like, oh, that’s kind of what annoying people do or whatever that they just have to be, but it really is making your life more sustainable. So which is going to free you up to do the other things that are going to bring you happiness and health in your life. So I think I, I love the mission of all of that. Thank you. Thank you so much. We’ll see you online. Yes, definitely. Yeah. See you on tiktok.

If you are a fan of this Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast, then you’re gonna love confessions of a reluctant caregiver podcast, which is also part of the whole care network family. Join sisters JJ and Natalie who offer a candid unfiltered space to confess the good, the bad and the ugly of being a caregiver. From heartfelt confessions to insightful guest interviews. They’ve got it covered. You’ll laugh, cry and everything in between. Tune into the confessions of a reluctant podcast on your favorite podcast platform or visit confessions of a reluctant caregiver.com.

Thanks for joining us today on the Happy Healthy caregiver podcast on the whole care network. As always show notes that a company today’s episode can be found on my website Happy Healthy caregiver.com. Just look under the podcast menu for today’s episode image and that will take you to the page with the links and information we spoke about today. You’ll also find other resources on the website, along with links to purchase the just for you daily self care journal. When you purchase from my website, you’ll get a signed copy and for a limited time free shipping. If you’ve enjoyed what you heard today, consider subscribing to the show on your podcast platform, it really helps other family caregivers find the podcast and you’ll automatically receive our biweekly shows in your podcast listening queue. Maybe while you’re subscribing, consider leaving a five star rating and review or just simply talk it up on your social channels. Let’s stay connected. I’m on Instagram and Facebook as happy healthy caregiver. And until we meet again, please take care of you.

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