All right, sisters, let’s do it. Sister Power. Sister Power.

Are you caring for others while working and trying to live your own life? Wondering how to find the time for your own health and happiness? Well, you’re in the right place. The Happy Healthy caregiver podcast, which is part of the whole Care Network, is the show where real family caregivers share how to be happy and healthy while caring for others. Hello and welcome. I’m your host, Elizabeth Miller. I’m a fellow family caregiver, a care advocate, a professional speaker.

Certified caregiving consultant, and certified senior advisor. If this is your first time listening, thank you for being here. This is a show produced biweekly to help family caregivers integrate self-care and caregiving into their lives. Each episode has an accompanying show notes page. If you’d like more detail about the topics, products, and resources we speak about, or you want to see any of the related photos, you’ll find the show notes by going to the website. Happyhealthy Caregiver. com and underneath the podcast menu, click the image or episode number for today’s show.

The link for the show notes will also be in your podcast platform’s episode description. Now let’s get to it. Let’s jump into this episode. I can’t believe it. It’s the 200th episode of Happy Healthy Caregiver, and what better time to kind of bring a fresh new look to things. So grateful that you are here and bear with us. As we are trying new technology and new things to kind of get this podcast even further out into the world. So every episode kind of starts with a different formula.

I like to share an announcement. I like to talk about what I’m reading. I like to share a favorite thing, and then I want to introduce our guest and invite you to kind of listen and hear what we’re gonna talk about. So my announcement for today is, if you haven’t heard yet about our self-care at Cruise, you might be living under a rock, frankly. So, the self-care at C Cruise is one that I’m doing with fellow care advocates in this space, fellow podcasters, influencers, and people who you may also follow, and we have planned a terrific event this October in 2025 where we want to invite you to come and have the respite you deserve as family caregivers, have something to look forward to throughout the year.

And then enjoy yourself while you’re there and then leave with a community of resources and support and people in your um wheelhouse that you can really refer to and be empowered and encouraged by. So I invite you to check that out. You can find out more information about this special cruise. It’s a Norwegian cruise. We invite anybody, not just family caregivers, so if you know of other people who would like to come along on the cruise, great. We’re gonna have some special things. For family caregivers that you can decide you want to participate in or not, and you can learn all about this at bit.

lee/HHCelcare cruise. I’d like to thank our episode sponsor today, Crazy Compression. Do you ever feel like your feet and your legs are exhausted by the end of the day, or maybe you’ve noticed a bit of swelling after sitting or standing for too long? Well, I want to introduce you to crazy compression socks. It’s a fun solution to keeping your legs feeling fresh and energized. These aren’t just any socks, by the way, they’re designed to boost circulation, reduce fatigue, and make a serious style statement. Crazy compression socks combine top-notch support with the bold fun patterns that let you express your personality.

Head over to crazycompression. com and use the code HHC20 for 20% off of your order and give your legs the energy they deserve. For this episode segment of what I’m reading. Well, I have read several of Emily Henry’s books and she continues to not disappoint me. Beach Read is a contemporary romance book about two young people who are polar opposites. One is a romance writer who no longer believes in love, and the other is a literary writer stuck in a rut. They engage in a summer-long challenge that may just upend everything they believe about happily ever afters.

I ranked it 4 out of 5 stars on my Goodread because frankly it captivated me on my walks and made me look forward to taking more walks, which is a good thing. Their banter of the characters is glorious and overall I thought the audiobook was great, which is why I don’t have it here to show you. So I will link to that in the show notes so that you can check out Beach Read for yourself. My favorite thing this week is something that is right on my finger here.

My kids gifted me an aura ring for my birthday last year, and I’ve been using it for, you know, a little over 23 months and I’ve learned much about my sleep, my activity, my stress. While the actual smart ring was a gift, I do, however, pay a monthly subscription fee of about $6. I wear this silver ring on my pointer finger, which is what the Aura company recommends for gathering the best data. And I’m currently no longer wearing my Apple Watch since this less bulky piece of jewelry, uh, gathers the same health data and keeps its charge way, way, way better than my Apple Watch ever, ever did.

The only thing I’m really missing about my Apple Watch is not knowing the time, but I typically have my iPhone with me and I don’t have the feature of finding my iPhone when I misplace it on my aura ring either, which is something that I miss. I also like how the aura ring automatically tracks my activity without me having to kind of tell it that I’m doing something. And it gets to know you and it kind of knows that, oh, you’re doing strength training now, or, oh you went to a boxing class or you’re walking the dogs.

You access all of their data through the Aura app on your phone, and the app tracks your trends and will alert you of things that look off from what is typical. My plan is to kind of keep using this ring until it no longer works. However, my daughter found a dupe that basically offers pretty much the same health information, but doesn’t have the monthly subscription fee. And I will share a link to that in the show notes so that you can check out the dupe or you can check out the or ring.

No matter what option you look at for your smart ring, you definitely want to order their sizing kit so that you can make sure that you get the right size for you. And one more thing to note is that it appears that you can use your flexible or your health savings account to pay for these. As well. So I will link in the show notes. Well, let’s meet our extra special caregivers in the spotlight today for this 200th episode of Happy Healthy Caregiver. It’s a milestone episode of the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast, and so I’m thrilled to share something extra special with you all.

I’m introducing two amazing people who mean the world to me, my sisters. You may already be familiar with my older sister, Susie, who was my mom’s primary caregiver for many years and has been featured on two previous episodes of Happy Healthy Caregiver. I think that might be a record now that she’s got her 3rd. However, this is the first time that you’re going to meet my younger sister, Anne, who has been a part of our caregiving journey as well. Together, we’ll reflect on our upbringing, caregiving experiences, and what it’s been like to share the care for over a decade.

We’ll also dive into our caregiving roles, including our care plan for our brother Tom, who lives with a developmental disability. Plus, we’ll talk about what self-care really looks like for these Bhe sisters now. I hope you enjoy the show. All right, sisters, let’s do it. Sister Power. Sister Power. So excited to have a chat with you too. It’s, um, welcome to the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast. And this is a special podcast with you ladies, because it’s the 200th episode of the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast, which I’m like, how did that happen?

How did, how did 200 episodes happen? Um, but it’s also, I think, thank you. It’s also way more than that because I think what by the time that this publishes um in March, that we will have Also be 10 years old, as far as happy healthy caregiver will be 10 years old. And that’s, that’s crazy that this um has been going on that long. But I think it’s also signifies that we’ve been over a decade of like pretty intense caregiving years with, with family members, you know, first with our parents, um, and we’ve had some other relatives that we’ve stepped in and helped, helped out with as well.

And certainly now with uh with our, with our brother Tom. So it’s, it’s hard to believe that we’ve got, you know, it’s a huge milestone. I just kind of wanted to like percolate on that a second and be like, wow, it’s a decade, over a decade. Elizabeth too, like you, yeah, it is a decade, but I mean, you started the happy health caregiver a few years in, and you know, we were, we were caregiving for a decade before that, you know, no doubt. And, and I just want to recognize that this is, you know, how much that you have added to the caregiving community by creating this forum and having all of the things.

So stop crying and I’m gonna leak like probably 6 times, but that’s normal. I at least at least 1 time per episode because because we’re human. Um, but yeah, you’re right. Like we, honestly, like when people ask how long we’ve been caregiving, it’s hard, it’s a hard thing to answer because we, we’ve had a brother, or, you know, most of our lives, all of our lives for Annie and I, most of our life for Suzy, like that needed a special attention, so support in some way. But also I think um our parents were declining.

I like to, I say most of our adult lives, they were declining. Which is, you ever really stop being a caregiver. That’s the truth though, you know, there’s always someone in your life. There’s always someone immediate family, you’re, it’s especially in a big family, yeah, it’s so important, the work you’re doing. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Well, we’re, we kick off the show. This might look familiar to you, sister, um, and maybe you’d like to introduce this jar. People get tired of hearing me, so, so you know about this happy healthy caregiver jar, but where did, when did this start, Suzie?

When did it start? Uh, 23 years ago? When did you start it? No, originally it originated as a gift to you. Oh, is that when it originated? Yeah, I did not realize that. I love it. Yes, so you pull out a quote every day. It’s an inspiration, and it, it gets you thinking, and it’s a wonderful tool to just ground you. Yeah. It was. It was, yeah, it was initiated because when we transitioned care from mom, me being a primary caregiver to you. And you know, we packed up mom and the U-Haul and drove off to Philadelphia, you know, first in your house and then later into Michigan.

Like, who wants to do that? Who wants to be like, here, sister, here, here, here, you, you’ve got, you’ve got mom now, and we kind of do that now, frankly with Tom, with us being snowbird caregivers, there’s a certainly a tran transition there. um, but that’s where it initiated and I, I, maybe this comes from mom, but I love quotes and things and I like to kind of I have little journals, like, remember all her little journals, which she would write down little things that little book that she collected all, and she would tape them all in, she’d clip them out of newspapers.

We have that still. Yeah. Yeah, she, she just, and so I, I definitely have some, we, we all have pieces, I think, of our parents and us. But, um, I, uh, honest. Confession here is that sometimes when I pull these out during the podcast, I don’t read what’s actually on here because, because I would be reading the same ones sometimes over and over again. So that’s just a little confession for today. But the one I picked out for today’s show is, um, you call it chaos, we call it family.

That’s a good one. It’s a good one. Yeah, it’s like, you know, people say when you, if you had to put your trash and your family drama and all of that out to the curb, you would likely still take yours back in if you had to choose from everybody else’s. I’ve heard that. It’s good. I probably would if it was a HOA, I’d probably get kicked out if they saw all the trash out front. Yeah, yeah, I mean, but that’s, I think that’s normal, you know, I mean, there was certainly a time growing up where I felt like, um.

You know, we were, we were the Waltons, but then you start to get older and you’re like, no, there, there’s some things here. There’s definitely some things here. So let’s, let’s first introduce because I know you all, um, but let’s introduce you to the, the podcast listeners. I’d love to just kind of, um, you know, where do you live? What do you do for a living? What’s your family like there? And we’re gonna kind of get into the care stuff on its own, but like, who are you?

Who are you, Anne? Let’s start with you. Me? OK. Um, well, uh, Anne Woodberry is the youngest of 6 of you guys. Um, I live in the Falls Church, Virginia, which is just outside of DC, so basically in DC and I, I work in Arlington. Um, I own a public relations company that focuses on health and healthcare called Kira Strategies. Kira is Latin for to care for, to heal. Um, and we help all kinds of healthcare nonprofits and companies with their public relations and integrated marketing needs. Um, probably more importantly though, I am the mom of two, Tyler and Connor, um, and wife of Jeff of 24, 3 years.

Oh wow, it’ll be 24 years this April, um. And, uh, you know, really blessed that Jeff is a stay at home dad and has been for over a decade, which has been really helpful for us, for me, and um you know, so I haven’t had as much of the caregiving, um, you know, daily burdens. I think it’s the hardest job in the world to be a stay at home parent, um. I really, truly, and I’m so grateful that he’s able to do that. Um, Tyler is a junior in high school.

Connor is in the military based in Columbus, Georgia, so I get to see you sometimes when we come down and see him, and he is headed to Alaska to um be based there. Amazing. And we got a toot your horns, sister, because you were recently inducted into the Washington PRSA, um, I might not be saying it right, Hall of Fame. I’m like, my sister’s in the Hall of Fame. So I got to be there to. I love it. I love it. All right, Susie, introduce yourself for, for the folks.

I’m Susie Morrell. I am the oldest of the three sisters. I’m not gonna say by how many years, but um. My younger sisters, um, I live in Michigan, in northeastern Michigan, to be up here by Alpena, Michigan. I’m on the eastern, uh, it kind of flip flops, doesn’t it’s backwards on the camera. Um, so I, I live on Hubbard Lake, which, um, has been in our family for years. I bought the home off the family after our parents passed away. To continue, um, what we call being Hubbard Lake Hay.

This place has been in our family for what, almost 25 years. So, um, I am a professional artist. I work here. I have a studio here. I paint. I’m an oil painter. I’m in two galleries in Michigan. One’s in Alpena called the Thunder Bay Art Gallery. Um, the other one is in Sutton’s Bay, which is over on the west side of the state near Traverse City. Um, so I sell my small works there. I’m also online and I work by commission. So I keep real busy doing that.

I have what’s your website? Tell Suziell.com. I think I put it in the show notes. Yeah, we’ll put all the strategies Suzie Morell. Tell us about your kids and your family, Suze. Yeah. Oh, I also, I also rent the Acorn Cottage. Maybe we could put that in the, that’s, yeah, my work gig is I have a small rental on the lake. It’s a one bedroom. It’s beautiful and Gorgeous. Yeah, I, I block it when family comes, but it’s open when there’s no family or friends here.

Um, my children, I have 4 children. My oldest, uh, David, 31, works for Kira Strategies. Uh, my daughter recently engaged, very exciting. I know. Um, she’s a, um, a nurse at Children’s Hospital. She works in the pediatric cardiac ICU there, loves her job. And then I have, she’s 28 and I have twin, identical twin boys, 26. They live in Yardley, Pennsylvania work for um GP strategies, so they work remote and All kids launched, thriving, working. So good. I was just back for the holiday for 43 weeks to visit, so it was great to see them all.

I know, I know. It’s, um, fun to be home family and then I get, you know, afterwards I get and kind of like this, I’m ready to get back into my routine and stuff. I think what’s amazing too is like hearings and putting all that together is like, all of us are entrepreneurs and our dad was like, He loved business and he loved chatting with us about, you know, our work lives and stuff, but he did not know, and that you started your PR company, and he certainly didn’t know about my thing cause I started it after he passed away.

But Suzie, he knew you were a painter, but I don’t think he realized all of the things that you exploded into. So, pretty amazing too, I think, while, you know, during this caregiving decorative of building businesses because that is not for That is not for the faint of heart. Yeah, he was such a role model in the rural world. He was brother, our oldest brother had his own business for quite a while. Yeah, and we should say that there’s, you know, we’re the sisters of the Bhe bunch, um, you know.

We’ve got, you know, Marsha, Jan, and Cindy here if you’re looking at the at the squares on, on YouTube. But we also have 3 brothers. So our oldest Skip, um born birth name Basil, and then Tom with a born with an intellectual developmental disability, and then Tim. And, and certainly they have, you know, have involvement in all of kind of what we’re talking about, but we’re certainly gonna focus on the the sister power part of it today. But I think it’s important kind of to say, you know, to, like, before we get into all that, like, what was it like?

I was gonna say growing up Behi, but really Suzie, we had to start with you because you were Lanzoni before you were a Behy. Yes, that’s right. Yeah. Well, yeah, briefly, you know, just to tell the story. So, um, our mother is our natural mother of all the children. My father, Basil Anthony Lanzoni, um, was a dentist. He was a practicing dentist when my mom married, um, they ended up having 4 children. My natural father passed away when he was 37. My mom was 27. Wow. She had 4 children. Yeah, so he, he died 10, right?

Excuse me, under the ages of 10. Yes, like Tim was 2 years old, I think was 9 and down on from there when he passed away. Now he passed away of leukemia, tragically diagnosed in January, passed away, uh, the day after Christmas that year. So the day after Christmas is always a little somber for us and we think about him, um, but The bright side of the story is mom went back to nursing, she started caring for Jack Behe, which ended up being the father of Larry Behe, who she started to date.

He was a single. Amazing career working for Brockway Glass. She met him caring for his father. They started dating, literally, I think 33 years later. I mean, we were on a tra trajectory to be moving back to Michigan with her brother, my mom’s brother, Carol’s brother, but, um, started dating Larry. They ended up falling in love, marrying, um, like 23 years later, they had Elizabeth, and then they had Annie. So 4 became 6. The Brady Bunch, we became 3 and So, um, that was in 19, when were you born, Elizabeth? Yeah, so 1971, I mean from 1971 on we’ve had 6 children and it’s been a wonderful life and I have to say when you say growing up Behe my life as a Lanzoni was wonderful.

We lived in a small town, Brockway was a small. You know, primarily Italian town, I want to say, but, um, a great little place, little oasis to grow up in. And, and then Larry moved from Du Bois to Brockway. We continued to build the the house that my father had started and I wanna say, I think we had a magical life. I mean, we were lucky that mom was a stay at home mom, and it was a very traditional, I think. I remember dad coming home, yeah, Larry coming home at lunchtime for work.

He worked so close, so. Yeah. What was your experience? That was my experience. I thought it was wonderful. No, I think it’s important that we kind of lay that out. And Mom used to love to tell the story that, you know, called dad her hero, and he certainly wasn’t perfect. No human is, is perfect. And, um, but he definitely provided and, and raised us all well that family man gave us lots of great, um, family values. And I loved growing up in in Brockway and then later moving to Atlanta was, was kind of a shock for Annie and I in middle school.

Um, which was, which was crazy. Um, but I, you know, I just think too, like, we’ve got to, I don’t think sometimes about mom and how she cared for her first husband, how she was a nurse, like she was, you know, registered nurse or caring obviously for people meeting, meeting dad through that network. Um. And then later needing, you know, care care herself, certainly. But I don’t, you know, it’s just interesting how things kind of come, come full circle there. I do think if anything, like, looking back, I feel like we had a great life.

We played a lot. We played outside. We, we had family dinners. We, you know, watch TV together. We, you know, did a wonderful for a long time on the hill, right? We used to all go out and play. We were like the Sandlot kids. mom would bring that big bell. We had the house on the dinner bell. Yeah, I still have the dinner bell. She’d come out and ring that bell. And we’d be like, oh, time to go home. I mean, and, and now that’s what it was like.

And I do think though that like mom did some things for herself, but I kind of as a, you know, self-care coach now, look at, look back on that and I’m like, she played bridge. But to me, I feel like too, she spent a lot of time in the kitchen and the laundry room, and I remember that was one of the advice, Suzy that you gave me when I had kids. It’s like, when the kids come up and ask you to play, like, don’t get so caught up in your to do list, just kind of drop things and And, and be in that moment with them cause there’s always stuff to do.

Yeah, we’ll never be bored. Annie, what was it like growing up be he? Oh, I loved, I loved, I’m with Suzie and you. I mean, I thought Brockway was a perfect place to grow up. Although I’m glad that we left when we did, and like that we ended up going um into Atlanta and, you know, the Dunwoody suburbs area and I love growing up there too. So I feel like we had the best of both worlds, small town and big city. Um, but I definitely attribute like a lot of our character and principles to more of the small town and like the way of thinking, um.

You know, to the roots that mom and dad had in a small town too, so, um, I, yeah, I, I, I looked after everyone. It was really Yeah. Oh yeah, everybody, I mean, I still feel like on that we follow the Brockway page on Facebook, like we still kind of, you know, you, you know, the people, um, somehow there was an old holiday picture of our family that got posted and people were coming. I’m thinking maybe it was Tom. I don’t know if it was him, but it said anonymous, but yeah, but certainly, uh, it’s interesting there.

I’m just, I’m curious too, do you think like birth order? Has has anything to do like what they commonly, OK, yeah, I mean, Susie definitely like new you’re the new matriarch whether you like it or not I guess like the oldest daughter. Yeah, well, Skip’s the oldest, but You know, he oldest daughter though, yeah, oldest daughter, yeah, it falls to you. So you’ve always been a caregiver, Suzie. I know it’s in my, I, yeah, I just spirit spiritual gift is, is the nurturing and the caregiving. It’s really in spiritual gifts at church, and they were hospitality was one of them, hospitality, I believe that, yeah.

Mm. Yeah. I think it’s a little bit weird with our like break in between Tim and I. There’s a 6 year gap. So sometimes I feel like I identify more like when you’re looking at it as an oldest than as a middle child, I don’t necessarily feel like I have middle child syndrome there. Yeah, I’ve been a girl for the longest time. And I have to say, when you and Annie came along, I was so excited because I was like 43 or 11. It was the perfect age to be like care.

for like real babies. I loved it. I just, you know, we were so close. I, I think like a cool mom almost because like, you know, I would go for you to you for my advice about all the things I wouldn’t feel comfortable going to mom too. Yeah, all the boy stuff. I remember like sitting on the top of the waiting for Suzie to come home. I was just like wait and I would like cry so hard when you left for college and I wanted to run, run to be Miss America.

Well, when I was in college, I never wanted to go on spring break anywhere except home. I couldn’t wait to get home. I Just it was such a joy to to be with you girls, yeah, and we’d all sleep together in the same bed. I was gonna say that you were a teenager, Suzie, and like I slept with you and then you rolled out to go to college. I moved over. Annie probably was in the crib. I don’t know how long I was in the crib for a long time, a long time, or maybe they took the bars off of it and you kind of rolled in and of course we, we shared a room for many, many years until we, we moved to Atlanta.

But as a teenager to share, to share your room with like Us, you know, I loved it. I loved it. I just think I had that. Yeah, yeah, we couldn’t get enough of you. We would literally like latch onto your leg when you left. I had to have been miserable to go we would Elizabeth said, we would all sob like I still have and going as I’m. In the family home here that has a lot of generations of stuff as I go through it. I, I, I’ve found the little notes that you wrote and oh, just like with little crying faces and tears and because I was in college and you guys were at home and I You know, a lot of Snoopy and a long time for you that I was away.

Snoopy and Ziggy, we used to draw the Snoopy, but they, they are like little treasures. I just cleaned out my office and, um, you know, you find these little treasures in places, which is kind of the cool part, kind of, it’s hard, the sentimental stuff and going through generational clutter is, is, is a big process that I know we’ve got all on our plates. Well, let’s, let’s talk about caregiving, um, you know, how would you How would you describe your, your role? Annie, let’s start with you.

How, how would you describe your role in like the caregiving um situation with parents, with our brother Tom, with other family members that we’ve had to step in and to help as well? Um, I definitely feel like I’m not as in the thick of the caregiving right now as you guys are with Tom in particular um at all. I would say, you know, um, I feel guilty, frankly, um, for, you know, not doing more, um. But back in with mom and dad, Um, I do feel like we.

Often, you know, tag teamed and there were times when like, Elizabeth, you were close or sometimes my job was a little bit more flexible and because I had Jeff staying at home a lot and he had more flexibility, it was easier for me to, to, you know, to go down like when mom had, I remember when she was, I remember she was in the hospital with that UTI and it was making her do think all those weird things and Um, at the time when she was intubated and like I was supposed to go to Amsterdam and I had to like cancel that trip like suddenly and have somebody else go to my client meeting and um.

You know, I just remember. You know, being with dad and mom when we decided, you know, obviously we’re all there, but like when we decided that he was going to go into hospice, that was something that was really memorable. You were like you were there though in the room with mom and dad, I remember because we tag team. We weren’t all there necessarily at the same time. And like trying to tell, you know, when dad said he was done and didn’t want to be intubated anymore, and mom was like, one more time, Larry, like that story wrecks me. Yeah. Yeah.

I, I, I had been there a week and, and it was you tagging down to come down to make those decisions. And I remember Dad not wanting me to leave. He wanted all his girls around him and I just remember that was so agonizing. I said, Yeah, away for a week, I have to get home to my kids. Annie’s gonna be here. You were flying in. Like that’s kind of how we worked it. And we had to because it was, we all had jobs and families and, um, and, and this wasn’t like.

You know, a little sprint. This was like this, we knew this was gonna be a marathon. Well, and you don’t know. I think that’s the thing the whole time is you don’t know how long things are gonna be. So like, Dad wanted me to stay the night, you know, at the hospital and like mom’s home and not, you know, able to like care for herself and You know, and I’m like, I gotta, uh, you have to like take care of yourself a little bit when this crisis and you want a bed and not sleep in a chair in a hospital.

And he, there was one night in particular that he did not want me to go and I’m like, Dad, I gotta go like and the hospital was an hour away from Yeah, yeah, and he, that was, I think he really, he had weird dreams that night and And he wasn’t very vocal because he was, you know, either intubated or had just gotten unintubated and he had a really raspy voice, but, you know, it was scary and like you didn’t know at that point that that was like he was so close, like that he would be gone within like 8 days.

Like of course I would have stayed there, but like When you have decades of like Yeah. Goodness. It’s like you don’t know that the end is so close. I mean, at some point we did know, you know. Yeah. I mean, even with mom, like every time I’d be like, tell the kids, I’m like, you better hug her, hug her like this is the last time we probably did that for 10 years. Like my, it almost became like, not a joke, but, you know, she, she definitely had, I think she surprised us all that she outlived dad for 2202 years. Yeah. Yeah.

And Annie, like, I want to like address the guilt thing for what you said with Tom because, you know, I think some of it’s just geography, right? Like he’s, we’ve got the snowbird situation where he’s in Michigan and, and, um, in Georgia. But I know, and I’m probably I can speak for Susie too, like, if we needed you, you’d be there. Oh, yeah. Well, you know what, and to, to, to address that too is that we all have different skills in this circle. And just recently, when Tom had the, uh, urinary, uh, stone, we didn’t know it was a stone.

He just couldn’t pee. Your professional expertise in the urea strategies world, you called in somebody from your office who was an expert in Kidney because we’re like, look at these pictures. Like, is this kidney? Oh yeah, is this normal urine? Like you could show someone this color. Because they’re saying, oh, he’s on a blood thinner. It’s normal that his pee is like blood. I’m like, I don’t think so. And so, like, how would we know that? Like, and we know we can trust you and you’ve got a team of people.

Like that’s what you do. So you, you come in at a certain level that is incredibly helpful. So I think we all have our own. You know, I’m kind of hands on. We always said that with with Dad and Mom. We said that with Mom. You were, you know, what Elizabeth was hands on for a while when mom was in I was special projects, yeah, special projects. I was a special project. That’s what I, I, with that, I was, when dad passed, I was finance. Like I took over that for a minute and then it got to be too much for me and, you know, we knew it was like a long haul thing, but just to make sure that we were paying the bills and like, you know, we all had our little assignments.

 

I was financed, but I always felt like I was like special projects, like if you got, you needed respite or you guys were going away or like Um, um, oh, well, like when Tom needed cars, like doing the research for the research, research and development, special projects. Yeah. Like, and Annie, like, I think it’s sometimes, like, I, I don’t want to give everyone in the impression that like, every, we always agree, we’re always like, we get along and we’re very close. But sometimes we have differing opinions during, during care.

And I think, Annie, you offer sometimes that perspective because you’re not in the thick of the day to day that you kind of have this, um, gift of, of, of helping, I think, there. I’m not wording that very well, but The middle ground or like trying to like see a little clearly could be a little more objective because you’re not in the day to day, the emotional part of it like yes you’re just because it sucks. Let’s just say that it sucks. It does like having, you know, it’s, it’s, it’s hard.

I think what makes Tom hard in particular is that um he’s not a very joyful person. He’s, he’s, he’s not very appreciative. What’s his favorite saying that he always says to us, Susie? Um, you’re always thinking about yourself, Susie. Yeah, it says it to all of us. You’re only thinking about yourself. We get the sergeant emoji in our, in our texts like remind him friendly things, friendly reminders, and we always get that, yes, sir. He, he left the holidays this year like something set him off and he.

Told all of us to, to kiss his ass. We said, Merry Christmas, Tom, kiss my ass. And he’s out the door. Like, you know, so it’s, it’s hard. It’s hard to take care of somebody who is disgruntled and, and crabby all the time. But Tom wasn’t always like that. He grew up, you know what? And we do have conversations like, who, he grew up umpiring, he grew up, I think having more. Responsibility, uh, somehow over the years and not, um, you know, not, he, he sees us growing with our lives, marrying, having children, reaching these landmarks that he knows intellectually, like we know he’s at like what they always said like a 26th grade level, but emotionally, he knows he should be reaching landmarks.

And I think over time, it’s just, it’s made him angry. It’s, it’s sad to watch and we We are now really struggling with resources for how to deal with this because it’s, it’s gone beyond the scope of, of what our knowledge base is. Well, and, and I think he is like, to your points, he’s like, we’re his siblings. Like he’s, he’s res not resentful, but he’s not gonna take anything that we say, you know, we can’t do it for him. We can’t keep his wounds, you know, clean and cared for.

We can’t, you know, make sure that he’s drinking water. We can’t walk for him up and down the street so improve his overall health and buy his, you know, he’s capable of buying his own groceries. Like, it’s so hard to Um, to take advice from us, like cause we’re, we’re, we’re not his parents, we’re his siblings, and, and I think we, we, we’re trying to figure that out right now. We’ve got, you know, by the time this comes out, we’ll have feedback from a psychological testing that we’ve had done for him to see.

You know, we need things that on paper of what he has, so that maybe we can open up more doors for resources, maybe we can make sure he’s on the, you know, the proper protocol as far as therapy and, and medications. Um, and I’m hoping that we get the answers that we, we are looking for from that. Yeah, for people who don’t know Tom, like he, he’s fairly independent. He can drive, he, he can live, uh, he has to live with someone, but I, we manage his finances, his healthcare, but he goes out, he can shop for groceries.

He loves to play bingo. He has certain activities he likes to do. Um, so, but over time he’s been, he, he used to always live with mom and dad and then since mom and dad passed, he’s been uh spending the Summers with me here in Michigan. The winners with our brother Tim, who’s single in, uh, Alfredo, Georgia, who has a nice room for him. He has a really nice situation in both places, but lives a very isolated life. So, and when you were talking about how we don’t always agree on care, I think it took Elizabeth found this.

it’s an independent. It’s a community it’s Annandale for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Yes, and it, it took some prodding for me because, um, to, to agree to say like, and now I’m totally on board because I do think Tom’s quality of life will be much better with the interaction of The staff and people who, um, will just get him out of his room because he just like sits in, he’s over time, he’s gotten pushed out of some of the public places he can go to up here because of his anger and his comments and his inappropriate behavior, and it’s unfortunate because he’s lost some of the places he’d like to go out to eat or play bingo without me having to go with him now.

And so I think this will be. Yeah, we haven’t gone back to the one in Georgia. You know, my role when he’s in Georgia is, is he’s Tim’s his roommate and I’m, I see myself kind of as his primary caregiver when he’s in Georgia to coordinate his doctor’s appointments and socializations, but we have not been back because he got kicked out. Last spring, um, and maybe we’ll try again or find a new place, like that kind of seems to be the thing. It’s like, OK, that didn’t work.

We’ll have to find another one till he burns the bridge there. But it is really, you know, there’s a pattern of this, and I’m, you know, I do think that part of the paperwork that we had to get for this community was his official diagnosis and, and his behavioral information. So we had to pay for that to kind of get him on the official waiting list, but it It’s not a big place and they have like a year or two waiting list. Like it’s, they’re kind of a unicorn place.

To my knowledge, there’s only one in Chicago, one in Georgia, and one in, in Texas. So in some ways, we’re lucky, like it’s not right next door to me, but it’s, you know, 22 minutes an hour away and in Swannee, Georgia, but um, yeah, I feel like we won’t know unless we try it, right? Right. And he’ll have a case manager hopefully that will like be his person. Yeah, hopefully they’ll hopefully it’ll all work out. What are your thoughts? My thought was that the question was my role in caregiving, and then we kind of got on a tangent, but Suzy hasn’t described hers yet.

Suzie didn’t describe her care role. No, she didn’t describe her care goal, and she’s like such a big part. I mean Susie kept mom alive for 22 bonus years, and, and I will say like we’ll link to we’ve had Susie on the podcast two other times. So 24 while caregiving and then one after caregiving ended because I definitely that’s its own stage aftercare has ended. But yeah, Suzie is the glue. Yeah, Elmer, yeah, she’s call me Elmer. You’re sweet. I, um, yeah, I, well, I manage all of his financial.

And his um health other than when, yeah, he’s in Atlanta, Elizabeth needs to take him to appointments and unfortunately, that’s been a lot lately, but the system is not set up for snowbirds. Let’s just say that too, like he’s at different doctors in different places, nothing all works together, you know, saying that though, our insurance agent is very good because he’s got Tom on a policy. That I did not understand why, but he, he gets the best care. There are, uh, Humana, you know, facilities in Georgia as well as up here.

It just gets a little tricky with the Medicaid. That’s to me, what is so, it’s, there’s a lot of, it takes exhaustive amounts of hours to figure out how the Medicare, Medicaid, you know, Uh, as of recently, I think Elizabeth, through your knowledge through happy healthy caregiver, you said to me, Susie, you need to call Humana. You can get a, um, a point, a case manager. I didn’t even know that, so I didn’t know that. I just learned that recently like learning. You should know that. Everybody should know through your healthcare company.

So now I have someone. I have a point person. I have a case manager nurse I can call. Now, this has just been in the last couple of months, but I also have someone who will help me with his behavioral health who suggested, you know, something that might be good for Tom is group therapy. I can help you find a group therapy situation in Alpharetta, Georgia because they also work there. That’s, uh, we’re still working on that piece. So, but, um, but these thing, I have a binder this thick of like Tom and my organizational system is like a binder and then it’s got an index and every doctor, every resource, you know, is in a number in the index and then behind that number I have all the backup.

I can’t do it on the computer because I feel like sometimes that binder has to travel with it. I like it in paper version, but why is it so hard? Like why, like why does it need to be so hard? That’s, you know, Annie works a lot in that space with. Healthcare PR and people making changes and you know government moves way too slow for all of us um in this Tom came home and said I can’t, he could not go to the bathroom. He had this urinary stone.

He went to the ER and the next day they sent him home that night. Tom, who probably We can only imagine how he was describing what was going on, and then they’re giving him all these directions of this is what you need to do, this is your checkout discharge. He’s with nobody. I know, but they sent him home with a catheter like it blew my mind. I was like what catheter I developing disabled. It seemed like a great idea. He didn’t know how to change it himself.

I’d go over the next day. Thank God I went over. he’s full. I call Elizabeth. You need to get over there. He doesn’t know what to do with this, you know. Our brother Tim, who he lives with, had to go to work. He gets up and he’s out the door at 23:20153. I’m not even sure if he knew in the morning that I don’t think he knew that he had a catheter either. It’s, you know, I, I can’t believe how the time is, is flying by too, but like, let’s talk about Sister Power.

Like, who coined that, who coined that thing that we did, Sister Power, like, where did that come from? I believe Elizabeth. I did not. You’re the one that coins all these great phrases, I think. I don’t, what do you think, Anne? I feel like it was down when in that month when dad was um dying. Now we know he was dying, um, and we rented the house uh with a family that came in and We just were the people that were like coordinating all these moving things.

We had to figure out like what, you know, how to move mom and Tom, and, and it just felt like, oh my gosh. And so we would do this, like, the thing we did in the beginning, the Sister Power unite with, with the fist cause it just was, yeah, like, Energy, you all y’all energize me for sure, um. You know, I, you know, I still think we do rely on Sister Power to help caring for Tom. Like Tom is, it’s, it’s own thing, and we’ve talked about, you know, our plan for him and, and how it’s impacted some of our relationships

We’ve had some, you know, some disagreements, but, you know, we’re definitely all aligned and, and we definitely have disagreements with Tom on a regular basis. Um, any advice that you guys would give to people who are like siblings like us who are Managing care for aging parents or managing care for other siblings, like, are we doing, what are we doing right? Is, is there any lessons learned here? Anything we can pass on to other people? Mm. I think it’s it’s just to be transparent as much as possible.

You know, um, I mean, I feel like We all tend to be Family is important to us and so we’re gonna, we’re gonna do what it takes and take care of each other, you know, and, and maybe not all families are like that though, so it’s hard. You know, my advice to families that are like ours is like, be transparent, be open, um, you know, talk to each other, um, use resources, you know, in terms of like trying to share things like the Google shared documents and things like that where we can.

I mean, It would have been so much easier if we had some of that stuff way back when. Um, but for families that like, sometimes they’re just kind of doing it by themselves and like their siblings are, you know, it’s like waiting to see who’s gonna raise their hand and I think you just got to be like really specific about like this is what can I count on you for and um And making schedules and things like that, I guess. It’s like, I, I don’t really, I don’t really know.

I feel so blessed to have, have you girls that were able to talk and support each other, not just like with the physical caregiving, but the emotional and mental part of it too. I, I, I think to your point, like we have a very unique family. There’s, we’ve got, um, you know, 22015 boys, 2200 girls. One does need help. And we’re not all like, you know, on the same level of action taking. Um, you know, sometimes the way That I, uh, like Skip’s got his strengths, our oldest brother, like if you, if you need to buy a new computer, if you want to pay him to drive Tom north so that he can play golf when he gets up there, um, you know, we have found some of the strengths that he has that where he’s willing to kind of lean in, but we know he’s not going to be part of the day to day conversations.

Um, and so we’ve accepted that, and I call him consistent, like that’s how he consistently has been. Um, Tim is, is again, maybe not necessarily part of the day to day decision making, but the big decisions. I’d say that he, he’s a big part of that. Um, he certainly has a big role in being a roommate with Tom, who’s not an easy person to live with when he’s in Georgia. Um to do something, he’ll do it, yeah, like being specific. And and I think that took us a minute to get to know too is like, he’s not gonna see it, but he’s certainly gonna gonna get in and get his hands dirty.

Um, but somebody has to kind of be this management person who’s seeing the bigger picture and, and hopefully delegating it out, because if not, it’s a recipe for burnout. If you don’t have a family like ours, like it’s, it’s harder, it is. Um, I feel for people who don’t have siblings, I have to say, um, You know, you hear about it. I’m sure you do, Elizabeth all the time. One thing I would suggest is, um, if you can, we tried this with our parents to get them to, um, you know, not, it’s kind of sad to think about the end game, but in an organizational way, you know, just try to slowly start to downsize over time.

It’s taught me great lessons over. You know, how to stay organized, getting your, um, financial picture organized, resources out there that you’ve suggested to me that have helped me put all that, um, I’m not a big fan of the digital because you just don’t know. Like, I remember how we couldn’t even get into dad’s computer. We didn’t even know his log on. So, but if you can organize those things and start to think about the downsize and what you want your End of life to look like or what you want, or um, you know.

I think it definitely has infused that in me. I remember after we went and helped Megan with um our cousin who’s lost both of her parents, and, and we had to help clean out that house. Like that was very impactful for me. I came back and started labeling my rings and, um, and, and, and getting, we digitized our videos and like all of that stuff. And, and just thinking about even like cleaning out my office recently, I’m like, oh, I don’t want my kids to have to figure out what to do with this.

I’m going to make a decision with this right now. Um, but I do think we, you know, care has influenced us more, um, and for those who are solo caregivers out there, I, there are ways like to Suzy said, like you’ve got, um, grab your resources and I’ll link to. Uh, an episode I did about um solo caregiving will also link to something about generational clutter cause I think we’ve, we’ve mentioned that a couple of times and of course some of the other things that we’ve, we’ve talked about, um, in this episode.

But let’s turn the channel to self-care. I mean, there’s so much we could unpack on caregiving like, uh, it’s, it’s It’s so big. Um, but we also want to make sure that we’re not burning out in the, in the process. What do you all do and what do you do to help nurture your health and happiness, and I’m not just talking about physical, but spiritual, social, emotional, financial, professional, all of that. Like what, what do you do to nurture you? Um, well, I read the Bible. Um, I try to read it every day, even if it’s just like 2200 minutes sitting in my car, I have the Bible app, the Bible app, is doing like something this Grace Community Church is doing like a challenge like on their app, but it’s, you know, they have a plan and Um, I’d like to find different plans for how I’m feeling or whatever.

So, so that’s a big part of it, um, is, is that for me, um, Is, is really, and then I like to listen to books on tape, podcasts, reading, that kind of stuff, if I, you know, in my free time. Um, I wish I’d like to exercise more. I mean, I do try to exercise. I know that’s a big part of your mental health, but, um, and I feel better, a lot better when I do it, but I’m not in a place in my life right now where I can say that that’s part of what’s giving me mental health.

Yeah, it’s just. Um, we’re, we’re all a work in progress, like none of us have it like perfectly figured out. So it’s like you, you know, you try on different things and figure out what’s working for you, and you keep the things that are, that are definitely grounding you, um, some of these habits you’ve had a long time, and then we’re always looking for kind of some, some things that might Might, um, might might help us out there. Do you, I’m curious, did you do your 20 for 25 and and do you have?

I did. What, what’s something on your list there? I did my 2425. I have some spaces open. Um, oh gosh, let’s see, uh, I’m going to Chincaterra with Jeff and Tyler and Suzie. Hi, hike the Chincaterra, Mike Luca, the wall of Luca wanna to visit Connor in Alaska. A lot of travel, obviously I want to recarpet my upstairs. I want to try a bungee class. I want to read 12 books. I want to volunteer with Tyler bungee class. I’d never heard of a fitness class. Woo. I don’t know.

We’ll see. Um, oh my gosh, Annie, but I think it would be hilarious. I gotta get me. Maybe we should do that together. Yeah, if there’s one, if there’s one, I’d be up for that because I think I have tried a new workout class online, um, too funny. Yeah, so go to Tennessee with the family. Um, yeah, those are some of the ones that come to mind that I, you know, want to go to school. Yeah. Suz, what do you do for your self-care? Um, I’m with Annie.

I get up and start my day every day. In fact, I’m sitting at the desk where I do it. It’s right, you, uh, I don’t know how to flip the camera, but the lake is right out here. It’s beautiful every day. I watch the sunrise. I read my Bible, um, and some coffee. Yeah, I inspiration. I journal. I journal a lot. I journal about, you know, thoughts. It’s more, um, inspirational like gratitude journaling now. It used to be, you know, a different thing, but, um. Yeah, I, I work out.

I don’t know if you can, I ride a bike. I don’t say I work out, but the things I like to do physically, I love to ride my bicycle. I don’t, it’s I can see it. You have one bike on the trainer. Yes, I bought one of those magnetic trainers, and I can have my bike inside and I can watch TV now and ride. Um, I like to walk, um. Oh, yoga. I’ve been doing like some core exercise in the morning. I have a little routine. I’m a big believer and I’ve been pushing this with my kids in routine.

And I know it’s weird, but, um, I tell them to write down on index cards, literally, like, everything you want to do in a day. And then it always gives me a point. It, the day’s not always gonna go perfect or that way. But I, you can always go back to that. So I you thinking about, you know, the book ends of your day, most important, start and end your. kind of the same way. I like it. What’s on your 20 for 25s? What are some of your things?

You know, I just returned, so I have not done my 2003 for 25, but I will. Um, certainly going to Italy with the Woodberries was not on it, but now it is. I’m like, why not? Yes. Um, Anybody want to learn how to play mahjong with me? Yeah. Actually, that sounds interesting. I mean that the tiles, like, I mean, that’s, I saw that on Naie had it on on her list too, so. Um, that’s something, yeah, uh. I, yeah, I think it’s fun. The point of that is more, more fun in our year recently engaged.

I’m sure I’ll have a lot of travel back and forth and planning that. You froze a little bit there, Elizabeth, but yeah, yeah, we’ll, we’ll link to the 20 for 25 and so folks can, um, to check that out. And it’s not like it’s not uh like resolutions. It’s more what you want to do in 202 like little things, right? Like I got a couple other resolutions for like stuff that I wanna do, but yeah, this is not drudgery. This is, this is fun, like things you want to experience more.

All right ladies, I gotta get your opinion on the Just For You daily self-care journal on some of the prompts that we have in here, and I thought it’d be fun to kind of pick out your birthdays. So Annie, we’re going to start with you. Your birthday is actually the same as Jacob’s birthday. Um, my son, yeah, birthday buddies. So it says, what’s one local attraction you’ve been meaning to visit but haven’t yet? Oh, I mean, there’s so much of the Appalachian, you know, Sanandoah area, but I just read, um, Marjorie Merriweather posts, like the uh like the fictional one about her, um, like a Historical memoir type of thing.

It’s but it’s it’s like it’s like historical fiction, but it’s about life. And like she had a place here in Bethesda that is like been donated and it’s supposed to be really. So now that I have like the background of her and the whole Post family, I kind of want to go visit. You want to dive deep into that. I love that. I love when books, I love to read books like y’all are going to Chinque, like reading books about that location, um, soaking up all of that is good.

OK, and then Uh, Susie, your birthday question says, yours is a little bit harder. I’m just gonna warn you, it says, you forgive yourself for. With something you forgive yourself for. Oh boy, can I have Annie’s question? Oh my God. What did you say? I said, can I do Annie’s question? Um, I forgive myself for. Is there anything you beat yourself up for the past and just like, I’m gonna forgive myself for this and move on? I can get, I’ll answer for you. OK, Annie, you take it.

What a nice sister you are. I know. I think there are times when you, you would say when mom, when you took care of Mom for 6 years and the 2/2 years that she was bedridden, and sometimes I think you feel guilty that you didn’t. You didn’t do more for her. Like you didn’t stop and and like massage your hands or something. And it’s like you did so much for her. And I think you need to forgive yourself for that. Thank you, Anne. I know what you’re talking about, cause yeah, people would come in to visit and they’d be fresh and all these great ideas and I’d be like, oh, you know, yeah, why don’t I do that?

Maybe I should. Because you’re keeping the lights on, Suzy. You were like grocery shopping and cooking the foods and coordinating the doctors and and making sure medines were filled and, and putting on her breathing treatments that she was fighting with and, and all of the, yeah, changing her like it’s there’s the logistics of all of that, I think make it and you did do some of the other things. There was certainly times you played cards and um and and watched programs and stuff with her. It’s Listen, there we’ll never be bored.

There’s always gonna be, um, there’s always gonna be more, more to do. Well, we can’t end on that one. So I also picked, um, I picked National Sister’s Day, um. Uh, I think it was August 4th. I’m not sure if it was the 3rd or the 4th cause it’s like a bookmark that day, but I’m pretty sure it was this question. Um, what’s something you were afraid to do and did it anyway? Oh, I’m afraid to do. So you got out of your comfort zone. OK. Moving here.

I was nervous about moving here. That was huge, Suze. You packed up your house in Philadelphia and just trying to sell that while you were caring for Mom. That was a huge. I’m gonna put a plug in for this book. OK, this is calling. I had a very good friend who gave me this book. Back when um. You know, I’m, I was divorced in 2015, and, um, yeah, I, honestly, I, you know, I, I look back now and that’s journaling is good for that because you look back and you’re like, how did I do that?

Like, how, if I look back, if I, if someone told me I was gonna do it now, I’d be like, no way. But it was a huge leap of faith to do it. Uh, my children were just going into college and um, Yeah, sometimes you jump into things and um you know, who knows where the future will bring me, but um I have to say I’ve been very happy here, love living at the lake. It’s been a very good um A good place to Um, regroup, you know, emotionally from all the things, losing our parents, going through a divorce, my children going to college.

I’m not quite sure I’m still over kids leaving the house yet, but, but I mean, there’s all these grief like grief isn’t just losing people. It’s like a lot of of changing things. Yeah, but it’s, it’s, it’s coping with that. And if people want to experience your little slice of heaven up there, we’ll, we’ll certainly link to the Acorn Cottage so they can check that out. And I have just, you know, I could talk to y’all forever. Um, I always say that there’s only one thing wrong with each of you.

Anyone know what this is? We don’t we don’t live next to each other that we don’t live next to each other. So that’s the only thing wrong with you guys. So I just thank, thank you for being a part of this, you know, 200th episode. I hope people got some, some interesting perspectives and resources and information out of this. Any closing words of thoughts from either of you, and then we will certainly link to all of your places where people can connect and get in touch with you and your businesses.

Proud of you sisters. Congratulations, Elizabeth on this milestone. It’s a big one. Uh, so proud of you. This has been a great conversation and I could talk to girls enough. I know we could talk all day. Thank you for sharing this 200th episode with us, Elizabeth. Very proud of you. One more time. Sister Power. Sister Power. Love you, ladies, love you. Thanks for listening to the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast on the whole Care Network. I hope this episode provided encouragement and practical tips to infuse into your life.

You’ll find the show notes and all the resources mentioned at Hahealthy caregiver.com. I also invite you to check out previous episodes of the podcast that you may have missed. If you enjoyed the show, be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Ratings and reviews also help others discover the podcast, and sharing with a fellow caregiver is a great way to spread support. Stay connected with me between the episodes by following Happy Healthy caregiver on your favorite social media platforms and subscribe to the weekly newsletter, where every week I share something happy, healthy, and care related.

Just visit happyhealthycaeggiver. com to join. Until our next episode, I’m Elizabeth Miller with a reminder to take care of you. Are you still here? Well, it’s time for the disclaimer. I am not a medical, legal or financial professional and I am not providing medical, financial or legal advice. If you have questions related to these topics, please seek a qualified. Profession. I have taken care to spotlight family caregivers and experts, but their opinions are theirs alone. This podcast is copyrighted and no part can be reproduced without the written permission of Happy Healthy caregiver LLC.

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