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Happy Healthy Caregiver Podcast, Episode 169: Creating Your Self-Care Team with Nikki Nurse

Nikki Nurse inspires women to live their best lives. As a former family caregiver with 10+ years of practice, Nikki believes that real health and wellbeing come through tending to small moments – in the mundane of our everyday lives. In this episode, Nikki focuses on creating your care team to help you with your self-care and how technology plays a huge role.

We discuss how incorporating colors in design, fashion, and other small details can make colossal impacts. Nikki shares her story of how she got ‘lost in the caregiving sauce’ and how with intention and ‘mindful moments’ she has created a happy and healthy flow for her life.

Scroll to the bottom of this page to see the full-show transcription.

 

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Words of Encouragement

Each episode starts with a few words of inspiration or motivation from the Happy Healthy Caregiver Jar. Create your jar by downloading the Caregiver  Jar inserts.  Enhance your jar with the Caregiver Jar refill pack.Caregiver Jar Inserts PDF

‘We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails.’ #CaregiverJar

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Links & Resources Mentioned

 

 

Happy Healthy Caregiver Podcast, Episode 159: Caregiving Mental Wellness with Kris McCabe

 

 

Just for you a daily self care journal book cover

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Favorite moments & quotes from the episode

‘Life is going to be what it is. I’m of the concept that life is both brilliant and disturbing, and when I consider that I am not just actually a nomad in the ocean but I have a bit of control over certain situations, it makes me feel…

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‘You cannot just do this by yourself. You have to create a care team, and that’s what being disabled taught me.’ – Nikki Nurse # #

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‘So even though those things happened and they were devastating, I think the brilliant part of it was that it helped me to one: release guilt; two: to take better care of myself; and three: to be really intentional.’ – Nikki Nurse # #

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Full Transcription

This is the whole care network helping you tell your story. One podcast at a time content presented in the following podcast is for information purposes, only views and opinions expressed in this podcast are solely those in the post and guests and may not represent the views and opinions of the whole care network. Always consult with your physician for any medical advice and always consult with your attorney for any legal advice. And thank you for listening to the health care network. You cannot just do this by yourself.

You have to create a care team and that’s what being disabled taught me. That was the first thing that actually had to change is that I needed to start being more intentional with my own care and to put away the guilt, caring for aging parents or other loved ones while working, raising Children and trying to live your own life, wondering how to find the time for your personal health and happiness. Well, you’re in the right place. Welcome to the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast. The show where real family caregivers share how to be happy and healthy while caring for others.

Now, here’s your host, family Caregiver and certified Caregiving consultant, Elizabeth Miller. Hello, everyone. Thanks for tuning in to the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast, which is part of the whole care network. If this is your first time listening, welcome. This is a show produced by weekly to help family caregivers integrate self care and caregiving into their lives. Each episode has an accompanying show notes page. So if you’d like more of the details about the topics, the products and resources we speak about or you want to see more related photos, you’ll find the show notes by going on the website happy healthy caregiver dot com.

And underneath the podcast menu, click the image or the episode number for today’s show. The link will also be in your podcast episodes, description. If you’re listening on a podcast platform, join the Happy Healthy caregiver email list to stay up to date on all the podcast happenings and every Tuesday, you’ll get the weekly round up, which includes tips under the pillars of happy healthy and caregiving, plus upcoming events, special offers and a whole lot more. Go to bit dot forward slash hh ce news or see the link in the show notes for the show segment on what I’m reading.

I’m reading or rather listening to a book called Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevi and I had given four out of five stars to a previous book by this author called The Storied Life of AJ Fricke. So I thought I’d give this popular hype book. This is just the author’s 210th book a try. So it’s about two college friends. Their names are Sam and Sadie and they have a past, they initially met in hospital as kids and later became creative partners in designing a video game.

Now, video games is what initially bonded them way back. Sadie is a Jewish American. Sam is American part Korean part Jewish descent with a physical disability and their friendship is Bumpy and there are sidelined friends that um that sometimes play bigger roles in the plot and I know they’re gonna probably play even a bigger role in the plot as I continued to read. I’m a little over halfway through the book. I’m curious what’s about to happen assuming that their games are starting to become a success. I’m not hugely into video games.

Well, in the eighties, I was a Hubert Gallagher Atari player back in the day. And most recently, I was probably addicted when my kids were younger to an app called Plants versus Zombies. On my smartphone. Being a gamer is not a prerequisite for the storyline. It is kind of interesting to learn more about the video game world of designing video games. But if that’s something that completely doesn’t interest you, this book might not be for you. The book kind of tends to read like a John Green young adult book.

So if you’ve liked some of those books, then this 1 may be for you. So I will link to that in the show notes. My favorite thing this week, my favorite thing this week is if you follow me on social, you may have seen that. One of my favorite happy places is Hubbard Lake Michigan. This place has so much history for me while I’m from Pennsylvania, originally, Hubbard Lake has been the one steady geographical place in my 52 years of life. We vacationed up there as kids in a rustic cabin.

It was originally purchased in my mom’s family for a hunting cabin. Super bare bones. In my childhood years, it had like no running water. You literally had to use an outhouse or go to the bathroom in a pot. We showered in the lake. But the memories of this place in my life, we called it the shack have stuck with me. We had amazing campfires complete with skits that my uncle Rich as a boy scout leader would facilitate. And I remember some of the, the dolly Parton cheer and the watermelon cheers that we did.

I remember learning how to shuffle cards, a deck of cards at the lake and we were likely playing crazy eights or old maid with the, with the other kids that were across the lane that we just made fast summer friends with. We didn’t watch TV. Up there, we played in the stream, we chatted with the neighbors of all ages and we swam in the lake a ton. It was simple times. And after my family moved from Pennsylvania to Georgia. When I was a teenager, there were a few years we didn’t get to the lake and it really got run down.

It was in my uncle possession at the time. He was a bachelor and his idea of upkeep was a whole lot different than maybe what ours would be. My older sister, Susie started to have a family of her own and she threw some tears when they were just kind of going by on another trip to visit the shack. She persuaded my parents to invest in the cabin and make it come back to life the life that we loved and that we could carry on to hopefully our kids, my parents arranged a deal that my uncle couldn’t refuse since he had no Children of his own.

And he was excited to end up using the luxury cabin that it was going to turn into being. So the shack was transformed with a bunk room, laundry shower and all of that after my parents renovated it and retired, they really saw that had to live directly on the lake. So this place, the shack shared a landing like a lake lot with a handful of other cabins like directly across the street. They ended up buying a lake home that we call Mighty Oaks. And this is the place that you see in a lot of my recent videos um when I go visit the lake in what I’ve called my happy place.

So during the last four years of my mom’s life, my mom and my sister, Susie and my brother Tom lived at Mighty Oaks full time. And so I went up there to visit her quite a bit. We still had the shack for overflow in my family as my mom really didn’t want to sell it. So after mom’s passing, we did sell the shack, but we sold it to our cousins. So that’s amazing because we can visit it and we can see that they love it and they use it and they all live in Michigan.

So they get up there so much more frequently. And then Mighty Oaks after both of my parents being deceased was purchased by my sister. And that’s a lovely thing because we can still visit it if you want to experience the beauty of Hubbard Lake, you can. So my sister is an artist. She’s an oil painter and part of her income comes from her art. And another part of it comes from renting out a one bedroom, one bathroom lake rental that’s on the property. It’s right next to Mighty Oaks.

It’s called the Acorn Cottage. It’s advertised as a creative and peaceful retreat. Her last renter wrote in her guest book, Experience, Peace like I haven’t felt in years. So I’m going to put the Vrbo and the Facebook link in there. So you can see the photos. Maybe you’re living up there in the Midwest or not too far. A drive away from Michigan and this would be a perfect place for you to have a peaceful or creative getaway. Before we get into today’s caregiver spotlight episode. I want to shine the light on our episode.

Sponsor Rare Patient Voice. Do you want to earn cash in exchange for your opinion? Rare Patient voice or RP helps connect researchers with patients and family caregivers for over 700 diseases and conditions for patients and caregivers. R PV provides the opportunity to voice their opinions to improve medical products and services while earning cash rewards, rare patient voice, helping patients and caregivers share their voices if you’re interested. Join the R PV panel at Rare patient voice dot com forward slash happy healthy caregiver. Let’s meet today’s caregiver in the spotlight, Nicky nurse Nikki nurse inspires women to live their best lives as a former family caregiver with 10 plus years of practice.

Nicky believes that real health and well being come from tending to small moments in the mundane of our everyday lives. In this episode, Nicky focuses on creating your care team to help you with your self care and how technology plays a huge role. We discuss how incorporating colors and design fashion and in other small details can make colossal impacts Nikki shares her story of how she got lost in the caregiving sauce and how with intention and mindful moments. She has created a happy and healthy flow for her life.

Enjoy the show. Hello Nikki. Welcome to the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast. Thank you so much for having me. I’m so excited about today. I am delighted to chat with you. You know, I, I see some so folks through social media and meet them and I feel like, you know, especially the folks that are comfortable doing video content like yourself, Like we almost feel like we could just like sit and just take off together and I wanna, you know, shout out to Chris mckay. She was the one that was like, you really should talk to Nicky.

She’s really help, you’ve really helped her. So I want you to know an absolute rock star. Yeah. So we’re talking about Chris with life with Grams. I know that um many people probably found a link to her episode too so that you can listen to Nicky’s and then go listen to, to, to Chris too. But we, we start to show out with the words of inspiration, get us kind of in this positive mindset. Uh This is a jar of stuff that I’ve collected over the years that had really spoke to me and my caregiving and self-care journey.

And I made this jar for my sister when we transitioned primary care from myself, of my mom to my sister, Susie because like, that’s a lot to give to your sibling and be like here, here’s mom now. You, you know, yeah, you got the, the full duty of it. And I was really worried about my sister that she was going to burn out because she’s a different person than I am. She’s a nurture, nurture, nurture give, give, give. And I was like, you need to have some other little voices in your ear so that this can be sustainable.

But anyway, that’s where this is. So there’s an insert, people can make their jar, their box, their basket, whatever they want with the inserts or and there’s also like a refill because when I used to go visit her, I would pop in, I would load up her jar with more stuff. Full, fullest thing. I love that. So it’s an inexpensive way to help another family caregiver or to do something for yourself. All right, Nikki. So it says we cannot direct the wins, but we can adjust the sales.

Hm What is that? What does that say to you? Kind of we can, cannot direct the win but we can adjust the sales. I think for me, it means that life is going to be what it is. I I’m of the concept that life is both brilliant and disturbing. And when I consider that I actually am not just a nomad in the ocean, but I have a bit of control over certain situations. It makes me feel like I am empowered, you know, that life and the wind the waters, all of it will not overcome me because I do have control over certain things, not everything but certain things.

So, yeah, to me, there is power. I think in knowing about what’s in your control and what’s out your control outside your control. And you know, I mentioned to you before I spoke to a faith community last night and we talked a lot about the serenity prayer. It was like a really powerful thing for me as far as like, OK, which part of this situation can you take action on? And which part is what it is? And there needs to be some kind of a an acceptance there.

And I love what you said about life could be two things at once. Um I know that um Chris had been to a, a brutally beautiful retreat and um I’m an ambassador and a um program guide for brutally beautiful. But I love that, that’s their phrase that they use is like things can be brutal and beautiful the same time. And it’s in that, that you can really find the the good parts of caregiving, right? Like it’s not all bad. We learn a lot about ourselves in the process.

So with that, I’d love for you to just kind of give us AAA take us back to, you know, younger, younger than young, where you are now Nikki, um where you were on the road to a budding career in fashion design and then something happened. Oh, yeah. So, uh, well, fashion has always been a major character in my family. Both my, uh, parents, they grew up having to make their own clothes. So I knew how to sew from a really young age, like about 10, 12 years old. Uh, so I went to school for fashion design and when I finally had my career in fashion I thought I had made it like mama.

I made it. Um but then my mom got sick and I was four years into my career, I just got promoted, had the corner office, had my own assistant and I really did think I was doing well. But my person who was, my mom was not and my mom and I have always been connected and we were best friends. So in that moment, life just got real and not to say that it wasn’t so real before. But it was more like, you know, I was in my late twenties when my mom got sick, I was 1003 and my mom was in her late fifties.

And at that time, all I was thinking about was trying to get my money and uh living in my studio and meeting my friends for drinks and eating burgers. I wasn’t thinking about taking care of myself, let alone somebody else. So it life really did just get real. It was like ice bucket challenge real. Yes. My face. Yes. So you ended up moving like ditching your career and you choosing, you’d made a choice, right? Definitely put that on hold. And then, and then what happened? So, yeah, I decided to quit my career and I took on the full time role as my mom’s caregiver and I approached it like I do with a lot of things in my life which is, oh ma we got this.

This ain’t nothing. Come on, we, we’re gonna be good. What do we need? Like a calendar from staples? I wanna know what we’re good. We got at this. It was not the case and I was very duped by a lot of other elements like um the health industry at that time. And we’re talking about almost 13 years ago and when my mom was diagnosed the doctors, the neurologists, they all said the same thing, which was all right. So we’ll see you in six months. Bye. And you got this.

Yeah, like no, no game plan. No syllabus. Nothing. No outline, nothing. Nothing. It’s just, you’re just out there, you know, go and do what you will. And um, so I was just lost in the caregiving sauce. I had no idea that um, it was gonna take on as much as it did. Now, coincidentally, my, my mother was a nurse for people with dementia and she used to come home and tell me all these stories about her patients and they were usually very gruesome, you know, a lot of violent behavior.

Uh, again, she was working in a facility so it was a, it was controlled but like, not really. Um, so when I found out that she had dementia, that’s what I, that’s what came in my mind. Like, oh, Jesus. Ok. So what are we gonna do? What’s gonna happen? And my mom and I, we shared a lot of similar characteristics. Like we were both really energetic, had buoyant attitudes, very joyful and cheerful. So when she was diagnosed, she fell into severe depression and she became very angry all the time.

So my sister and I, we were trying to figure out what we could give back to our mom so that she could get her joy back again. And nothing that we tried worked II I know that she loved working with Children. So I tried to have her and I work at a daycare center that was not good. She was overstimulated and I didn’t know that overstimulation is a thing for someone who has a cognitive disease. Also. She really didn’t care to engage with a lot of people that she used to in the past.

So it was really a very isolating experience. Um And I wasn’t accustomed to that and I, I had to start learning about her other senses. And what really helped me was comparing what I was going through with mothers. So I started googling mommy bloggers and reading a lot of their blogs and what they did with their Children, Children under the age of two and how they coped with also working a 9 to 5 or having other family members that they had to take care of. And I had so much knowledge and resources just from those mommy bloggers.

And that’s what I started to implement in my care with my mom. I started to get really organized, very intentional. I started learning about nutrition and health because that had a lot to do with her mood swings. Um and also with my mood and also with my energy because I was very depleted. Um And also I tried to engage like I said, her senses. So instead of just targeting her memory, I targeted her sense of touch, her sense of smell, her sense of sight. So things that would bring or spark the joy is what I really tried to concentrate on.

And then I also started looking into interior design because my mom’s coordination was off and she was always stumbling or falling down or bouncing into furniture. So when I started looking into interior design, I started to learn about circular furniture and also about hidden in plain sight furniture. So, uh you know, there’s a thing that um tends to happen where, where they like to hoard, you know, like take the TV remote and then say they don’t know where it is, they haven’t seen it, they haven’t touched it, but they actually did.

So I found out about like hidden in plain sight furniture. So I started implementing that into our everyday environment and it really made a difference. Even the sense of smell was something that I had no idea would be so effective. Um with using lavender and vanilla, my mom was from Trinidad. So using scents that reminded her of the islands coconut. She started to change for the better. She was a lot calmer, she was more relaxed. Um And it also was, was super effective when it came to sundowning as well, changing the lighting so that it wasn’t as dark but more warmer.

So it felt like the sun was always on in the house. Um And just using film um on the windows so that she wouldn’t get nervous when she saw people walking by like there were so many things that I learned on my own and I think it made me a more confident caregiver because, you know, impostor syndrome was definitely real for me. I had no idea what I was doing. I felt like I was lost in a sauce, but when I finally nailed it, that’s when I burnt out.

Oh, because you know, and then all those things that you’re sharing, Nicky, like obviously she’s your person. You’re, you’re all in um you, you, I love your expression that you’re lost in the caregiving sauce. Like I’ve got that in quotes here. But you know what I, what I’m extracting so far from your story is like, you were very curious and you, your fashion design, while you might have put your professional stuff on side there, it was definitely having an influence on your day to day caregiving with the aesthetics and the senses and all of those things and, and seeing how what was going around her was having an impact on you.

And you know, the mommy bloggers is, is fascinating too because like back then, there wasn’t caregiving bloggers. Like there, I years started before I was 2015, 2014 when I was started into this caregiving space and blogging about it and so forth. And there, there just wasn’t, there wasn’t a lot of people doing it. And I’m grateful for the folks that are really even showing it on, on, on screen of what that looks like so that people can kind of see yes, dementia can be hard being a dementia caregiver can be hard and it does have moments of joy and it’s, there’s a lot of examples of people living well with dement dementia.

Um Absolutely. Yes. But the stuff that you’re doing like this is what I would call intellectual self-care because you are curious about it. And so then you’re gonna try it on just like you try on all your fashions and, and things to see it, how they look and how they work. You’re gonna try on some of these tools and these things that you’re reading about and learning about um and, and trying to not so so good for you on that. And then at the same time, like, what was going on with your self care?

Like what was happening with um when did you know you were, you were burned out? Right. So I, well, first I gotta say I felt like such a champion when I won that, that, that early stage. I had it down our routine. Like what? Say somebody say something to me because I was so ready. I was ready and prepared and I felt really great. But yeah, how I knew I was going through burnout was I was getting sick a lot. I was having many migraines. My skin was crazy.

Uh I was breaking out a lot and I was having a lot of palpitations. Um, and then I wasn’t paying attention to myself. See, I was always, I was like, obsessed with my mom because she was my person and I, I didn’t think there was anybody better than her. So I always paid very close attention to her. I noticed everything but with myself, I stopped paying so much attention. So I would be clumsy with my body, you know, and eventually I ended up becoming disabled. I fell and broke both my feet and, uh, I, I, but I, you know, usually when I tell people out they’re like, oh, I guess it’s crazy.

Yeah, it is crazy. But I, I’m, I’m really grateful that that actually happened because I needed something that was gonna be louder than my own voice to slow me down because there was no stopping me. I was just like, I don’t care if I’m tired, I don’t care if I didn’t eat. I don’t care. I’m going to be there for my mom, but I needed to be slowed down. So breaking both my feet definitely did that. And it’s like we’re not gonna get your attention. I mean, you can run on adrenaline for a while and like this good will.

But at a cost, right? Like, um you know, I I’ve talked sometimes about like we talk about putting an oxygen mask in ourselves and it’s an allergy is fine, but it’s like a one time situation where you’re in a crisis. And so for me, I kind of more relate to the nest of hungry birds is what I call it where you’re, you’ve got all these competing priorities and you’re, you need to nurture yourself so that you can go out and feed yourself that worm so that you can feed that nest of everybody else.

But it does. In your case, it took a really a drastic wake up call. Well, what, how did that change things for you when you became disabled? It changed a lot of things. But you know, to your point, I think that the culture of caregiving used to be because I definitely see it changing now. But I think the culture of caregiving used to be martyrdom. So you have to sacrifice and give of yourself more than how you gave your, your more than how you nourished yourself. And now the narrative is changing and I think me breaking both my feet.

It was definitely the loud awakening that I needed. But it was also an awakening for my family members and all of the other people involved in the caregiving experience that I was having because then they started to see, wait a minute, she can’t do it all because I had been and there is, you cannot just do this by yourself. You have to create a care team. And that’s what being disabled taught me. That was the first thing that actually had to change is that I needed to start being more intentional with my own care and to put away the guilt because there was no room for it.

I really didn’t even have the luxury to afford it. So uh because you know how caregivers get paid. So there you go. Anyway, hopefully in our lifetime that we are not even saying like with in the olden days, caregivers did this and they never, they didn’t work because they couldn’t work and they didn’t earn a dime doing it. Like hopefully, we, we get to say that there’s a different narrative for that. There is I think it’s definitely changing now and I’m so excited about where we’re headed So, um yeah, so that was the first thing I had to change as me creating a care team for myself.

And again, you know, being disabled kind of helped me to release the feeling of guilt because I was just like, well, I need it. It’s not like I don’t need it and my feet are broken. I need a podiatrist. I need a primary care doctor. And since I can’t get to the primary doctor, I’m gonna need one that’s 24 7 that I can get to virtually telehealth. And I started learning about all of that. Um, and I and I have such an amazing care team. Now, I started working with a nutritionist to help me understand my relationship with food because now that I was going to be sedentary for a while, I was still eating the way I was eating when I wasn’t sedentary.

So, uh my relationship with food was very toxic and I didn’t understand that me snacking all the time for energy was also me crying out for an emotional strain that I was experiencing and snacking happens. And oh my God, it’s like the worst rabbit hole I ever, you just go down, down, down, down, down and then you’re like, oh, I’m full, I don’t need any broccoli water. No, no, no. Where’s the, where’s my kit kat? You know, so it was just really, it was, it was a very transformative moment in my life, becoming disabled.

And I also then found out that I had type two diabetes. So I really had that wake up call and I had to be extremely proactive because diabetes is nothing to play with. No. So, um, even though those things happened and they were devastating, I think the brilliant part of it was that it helped me to one release guilt two to take better care of myself and three to be really intentional and the way my diabetes is set up, uh yeah, eating poor is going to affect my glucose levels.

But stress actually affects my glucose levels even more. So I had to start learning about mindful practices, meditation and breathing exercises. And that might sound like, you know, a trend like, yeah, you should just breathe, you should just meditate. But let me tell you, uh when you are running around in circles like a chicken without a head and trying to catch this person wandering and going through sundowning, there’s you, you really feel like you don’t have space to breathe. I get that I definitely do. And I see those caregivers who are in that situation.

However, there is always space for yourself and I had to try to carve those space moments and I made them my mindful moment. So if I was in the bathroom, I’m taking a really long deep breath and then I started learning about different breathing exercises that you can do if you’re feeling panicked, you know, you can breathe really fast, sharp and then slow. You know, when babies are crying the way that they self soothe after they’re crying, they go, yes, that’s how I just, my daughter’s a nick, you nurse.

She just told me they have a shishing machine. It’s just literally sh I’m like, you know, because I was text and like she was telling me about a baby that was kind of colicky and, and so forth. And I was like, oh, that’s so interesting. Like, so we’re, you know, even as a baby to your point, like we need these things to, to come forward. I love that you, we’ve in these mindful moments and what you’ve, you’ve say so many great things. But one of the things that I I pulling out too is that you didn’t just find this time like there was no time you didn’t, you were the chicken with the head cut off, you know, and it, and, and it’s when you need it.

So that’s when you need to try to figure out these breathing moments even more. So because that’s not a sustainable way to kind of keep live in your life. Like you’re on this hamster wheel that just never, never stops. And so it is about creating the time and not finding the time if there’s someone listening Nikki who’s like, oh, well, you know, of course she got a life change. She broke her feet and it happened to her but if someone’s listening as like I, I’m burned out, you know, I’m burned out right now.

And where did they start? Uh Well, I love the question. Um, if someone is burnt out right now and they have not broken their feet, yeah, we don’t recommend that. Yeah. No, please don’t. Uh What I would recommend though is to start with creating a care team and care team does not have to be specific to people or organizations. It could also be your technology. So, um but let’s say let, let’s say we start with the people, right? So on your care team, you wanna have a primary care doctor that um can make sure that you are staying accountable to your health goals, whether that be, you know, trying to lose some weight or to um work on your cholesterol levels, like whatever those health goals are specific to you.

I think a nu- uh nutrition is also a great person to have on your care team as well because like I mentioned, snacking really happens and I think the snacking happens because we’re so tired all the time and we’re just looking for something quick to eat. But when I’ve been working, what I’ve learned from working with the nutritionist is that you can, you can meal prep, your snacks. I didn’t know you could snack prep. I haven’t seen that on Pinterest but yeah, or maybe I’ll make one, you know, that’s how I felt.

So Yeah, you could, you could, uh, you can just meal prep, your snacks. And that way when you are in need of that energy boost, you grab some frozen grapes and there you have it. Um, and also another person on your care team, which would be helpful is maybe a personal trainer. Now, I know at a lot of gym memberships they do have like, you know, a one or two day free co consult with a personal trainer. You could try for that. Now, let’s say you’re gonna just stick with technology.

You can use youtube to do some workouts and also working with Amazon Echo to have reminders set up to drink your water, making sure you took your multivitamins. Um Another great technology that I like to use is my smart watch, which helps me to move. Right. Sometimes I’m just sitting down and it, it’s always specified to the stage of your person. So in the early stages, my mom was very active and we’re walking around, we’re moving in. This is happening. All right, great. But then as she get, she got to the middle stage, her movement slowed down just a little bit.

Um But then towards the late stages, it slowed down a lot, which meant that I kind of slowed down a little bit as well. And then also, you know, my feet were broken. So, um I think it’s helpful to have technology work in your favor. So you can also set that up your, if you are, if you do wear a smart watch. Yeah. And so that’s what I would do. I would tell them to start there by creating a care team. The second thing I would tell them to do is to learn how to carve space for the mindful practices.

So I know one thing for me, uh, that I can appreciate is that even though the day would go on with all the shenanigans at night, felt like mine like I own the night. Yeah. But then when it was time to sleep, I was so anxious because I’m like, oh God, tomorrow it was Sunday scaries every day. How do I calm down? How, how do I tell my glucose levels to relax? You know, how do I do it? I use this um app called Insight Timer and it has nighttime meditations

And then Amazon Echo again, has you can actually ask your assistant, Amazon Echo is the assistant. I can’t call her name because she’s too nosy. Yes. And but you can call her name and let’s say it’s ziggy and you say to her help me sleep, that’s the command. And she will give you some questions. Like would you like to sleep through listening to a podcast and audible or sleep sounds? And then if you say sleep sounds, she has over 10,000 sleep sounds, shushing is actually one of the sleep sounds.

She also has pink noise brown noise, white noise. I mean, she has it all a spectrum. Yeah, AAA whole range. So um that’s what I started incorporating to help me to just slow down, you know, and calm myself, enhance my calm. Um The third thing, the last thing that I would tell them to do is to learn how to communicate with their support circle. So I’m always saying like lean in on your support and for a lot of people, they, it is a very individual situation for us all.

But I, I would encourage whoever is listening to know that they are not alone and that support is available. Support might not be shown in the places or even the organizations that we would want it to come from and that’s ok. Support is still available and research and resources are also available. My favorite resource for caregivers is the library because it’s a lot of free information there. And when I was trying to learn all about dementia and caring for someone who was a whole adult, uh the library came in handy and it was like the the robin to my, to me being batman, it was my sidekick and I loved it and I learned a lot.

Was it like books in the library or people that were they available? Yeah. Yeah. Books, there were books about how to calm your nervous system. Um There were, there were also uh information about mindful and mindfulness, but in a mobile way. Like I had no idea about mobile meditation, walking meditations. Um I’ll, I’ll like, I mean, even like, I this is going to air long after this event probably happens but we’re like Zen Taling like um doing things um doodling, like what we call like fancy doodling like that, that’s a form of meditation.

You know, there’s so many things that I think that that even if you try on one thing, like, and you say, oh, this is not for me, there’s flavors of it, there’s certain flavors of all these things. So and then for the library stuff too, like I know I found it hard to find time to read while I was caregiving. But I’ve discovered the that with my library card, I could download books for free from the Libby app. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And that, yeah, there’s a lot of creative ways to, to get figured out and you know, support can also come from open forums, it can come from social media platforms, which is one of the reasons why I’m so excited where caregiving is headed right now because there are caregiver influencers like you and I, so I call myself an accidental influencer.

I was like, oh, wait, you know, this most of us are I think, yeah, we didn’t go about, I don’t think setting it to be an influencer. I think we were just looking for an outlet to share our story and to not feel so alone because it is very lonely and isolating, but it doesn’t have to be. And I like that. We have created our space. We, we’ve given ourselves our voice back by sharing our stories and, and our journey and the education that we have gathered from it to become such a great force for others who are just now joining and even those who have already been a caregiver for multiple years now, they’re learning new tricks.

I remember when I started going to a support group in person. So before the pandemic and it was filled with a lot of senior citizens and they looked at me, they were like the mean girls though and like, I couldn’t sit on their table and I was so confused. I’m like, does it matter what are y’all ageist? Let’s come out here? Yeah. So weird. But anyway, they got over it and um, they were, I remember this one incident, this one lady, she was, uh in her seventies and she was complaining about her mom and uh, saying that she was just tired all the time.

You know, she, all she wants to do is garden. She’s been retired for 20 years and she, she, she thought she would be able to re uh retire and just enjoy her garden. And I was like, well, I’m in my thirties. I thought I was gonna be able to work and, you know, go out travel, do the and I’m not I, I quit my job so that I could care for my person. And she was like, well, all I’m saying is I want my mother to eat the food that I put in front of her.

Well, that made me think about people and their perception and I think you’re right. My fashion must have played such a great role in this because I’m, I’m definitely one for how aesthetics are and when it comes to food, uh yeah, I wanted to look a certain way and we are all visually stimulated. You know, that’s why impressions are so strong. And I just made a suggestion to the lady like, oh well, have you tried using action colors like red or blue? Like what’s her favorite color?

Why don’t you try that and see if she would eat? And the next week she came back and said that she did eat that. And that made me think about other ways that we could incorporate color into the caregiving experience. Like, how do you want to feel? So, I focused on my mom first because, you know, that was just my norm to do and her favorite color was red. So I made sure that she had red sneakers on and she was in that moment where she was always wanting to go home, even though she lived with me.

So I made sure to put red in every area of the house. I’m not saying it was a red room. No, definitely not that but accents in red throughout the space. Like I had red roses on the dining table. I had red curtains in her bedroom. I had red nails on so that she could associate me with someone that uh she was familiar with. You know, she might not remember that I was her child, but she remembered that she liked and enjoyed looking at that color. So I always wore red lipstick.

Um I always tried to make sure to incorporate red boots in my outfits and then when it came to my own personal outfits because uh the late stages, my mom was uh bed bound. I was really very emotionally strained and stressed. So I wore colors that would help me calm myself. So I wore a lot of earth tone like beige and browns and olive greens. I wore a lot of whites. Um I wore a lot of grays and that helped to soothe me and calm me so much.

So I would, I would also encourage caregivers to pay attention to color. Color has a huge impact on this entire experience and even our own stimulation. Yeah, I mean such such a great topic that we have not never, you know, addressed before on the show about the um about that and it makes total sense and then the power of a support group where and I’m so glad you kept going because what a gift you were to them and and vice versa, hopefully. Um, but in that, you know, we can gain some of the, some of the best advice I think comes from other family caregivers.

Actually not some pretty much all the, all the great advice comes from, um, from family caregivers who are living in the trenches, which is why, you know, this podcast only focuses on people who are current or former, former family caregivers. You know, you, you, you’re a beautiful, if nobody’s watching youtube, like Vicky is a beautiful woman. But, and you know it, and, um, you know, I know that maybe it was Chris’s episode. She commented on like how you’ve inspired her to put, put her face on and, and things like that.

Why, why is that important? Well, it has a, it has a psychological effect um on us because a lot of times, you know, II, I think I had mentioned that we have created a platform where we are, we’ve given ourselves back our voice and again, leaning in on how the culture of caregiving used to be. We were stripped of our voice because you’re not supposed to complain. You’re not supposed to say that you got a sacrifice and you’re tired and you’re hung. No, nobody cares. Nobody wants to know how you are doing.

How’s your person do it? Right? And uh since we don’t, we didn’t have a voice, there were those little moments where our voice showed up in different ways, like in how we dressed, how we woke up and showed up for ourselves. I know um, that there was a moment where I was, it was, it was during the pandemic actually, because I had a, I had my mom and I on a routine, we would go out on certain days, like one day it’s just grocery shopping all day farmers’ market, you know, all that thing.

And then the next day it’s just the library all day. Like we, we always had something to do. But then when the pandemic came, it was like, so just these four walls in us, that’s it. And I stopped dressing up. I stopped wearing makeup. I’m not saying you gotta put a full beat on. No, but I just stopped showing up for myself. You know, I stopped caring and that is the sign, that’s the sign that we’re not, we’re not using our voice to say that we are in need of something that something could be respite, that something could be a nap, that something could just mean whatever it is for you.

So that’s why I started to wake up from that and started showing up for myself. I started being more in touch with my humanity. You know, if I was gonna feel sad, II I let myself have that feeling. If I was feeling frustrated, I allowed myself the space to be frustrated and I did it in healthy outlets back in the days when I first started, I didn’t know about healthy outlets. I only thought like, again, you know, we just had to keep our, our mouth shut and not, not share about what we were going through.

But after I started reading more and learning more about feelings and emotions and how they impact our overall well-being, I started to, to really implement those healthy practices, those healthy outlets like mindful meditation. I started coloring adulting and giving myself my my inner child the room to play and enjoy that. And also learning about the sensory of touch, you know, when you can go and take a shower and use that body wash to connect skin to skin contact, that does something even when you are meditating and let’s say you have a busy day and your person is just going off, you could put your hand over your heart and it’s the equivalent of giving yourself a hug.

I had no idea. And that also calms your nervous system. It, it doesn’t take long. I mean, I think that’s the powerful thing of what you’re saying in this Nikki is like, you know, I will challenge people all day long that say they don’t have time for self care because you do, you do it and if you don’t have time for wellness, then you’re probably gonna have to make time for illness. And I like that. I would rather, I would rather be well, right? Like um have that have that be true.

So, I think it’s very accessible and attainable, but I do think it, it’s a little bit of, it’s a mindset shift of, uh, it’s a big mindset shift of that. You deserve it. You deserve to be um to live a happy and healthy life and believe in your heart that two things can be true at the same time that you are, does not mean that you’re not a terrific caregiver your mother. I’m sure she speaking as a mother would want you to have done that. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I remember though, you know, um, when, when I did have a doctor, um, when I first became disabled and they shamed me. They, they said, well, wouldn’t your mother want you to be doing well? And the way that they said it, it, it really made me revert back to those toxic outlets, you know? Yeah. It was a guilt. That was a guilty way of. Yeah. And because my mother would want me to show up for myself, but she would also want me to have the correct type of care.

And the correct type of care looks like an empathetic doctor. It looks like someone who understands, not just your, your ailments, but also your lifestyle because that has a lot to do with how you show up and care for yourself. If you’re constantly depleted and don’t have the, uh, the right respite working for you, then of course your health is going to decline a bit. So how can the doctor show up for you? This is where communication helps, it helps to write things down and to come with a full understanding that you are in control of how you experience things in life because you can communicate and, and they are human just like you are.

It behooves us to learn about our bodies and about our person’s bodies and to communicate that communicate what would happen, what would happen if we all started kind of just using our words and really um and making, making changes there. Yes. So much of it is about, about that. Um Tell us like, so sadly, mom is, is deceased. Yes. And you’ve now are into your life after caregiving ends. Tell us about and once you’re a caregiver, you’re always a caregiver though for sure. Like it’s, it’s just part of who you are.

Uh But what do you, what are you doing these days? How are you helping the care economy? What do you do to help? How do you make a living? Like how can people help and learn more about you too? So, life after caregiver and it, it looks up still a little bit like how it was before. Um Except obviously my person isn’t here. But what it, what is similar is that I’m still showing up in uh the social media platforms for caregivers and helping them to learn, practice uh wellness every day.

Um like you had mentioned, you know, we are deserving. So, um I, I just show up online to help encourage other caregivers on how they are showing up for themselves, but uh in a full capacity, you know, so not just um eating well, but their fitness needs and their fashionable sustainable ways to remain in control of their well, this um and I am also a brand strategist. So I do work with small businesses and, uh, I work in the wellness industry specifically, uh, for Good Rx. Um, and that’s, yeah, that’s really fun.

I absolutely love them. Good Rx is, um, for those that aren’t familiar, it’s a way that you can kind of search your prescriptions and find the pricing like proactively in your area. Yeah. And even for pets too. So. Oh, good to know. Good to know that. So, but you are willing to take other clients. Absolutely. Yeah. Ready more the merrier. Yeah. So, um, we’ll get, so we’ll, we’ll share you all that stuff at the end. But let’s jump into the just for you journal. So I picked out some props for you for our lightning round and I know that these are, these are gonna be good.

Remember you said no wrong answers, no wrong answers here. Ok. You talked about the snacking and stuff and, but, and then, and making some serious changes, but what’s one of your favorite? And it doesn’t have to be food related. But what’s one of your favorite indulgences, something you feel like you’ve been successful in, like, you feel like you’re indulging in something? Oh, I got too many. Uh, but they help me. I promise. So, one of my favorite indulgences, um, are smoothies because so you can load it up with a lot of veggies.

Like spinach and kale and the fruit. Oh, my God. I use this protein powder. That’s chocolate. And when I’m on my, you know, my mom, what is it? What is it feels like such a delicacy? Um, oh, shoot. What’s it called? Or organ? It’s called orga organ. I’ve seen it at Costco, in fact. Ok, I’ll link to that. I absolutely love it. I, I have vanilla and I have chocolate and it is everything. Um, I’m a smoothie girl so I get it and we’re caregivers. That’s a great way to like, yeah, it nutrition.

Yeah, exactly. Because it’s fruits and veggies guys and protein. Ok. Um, my second indulgence is tea. My mom and I, we used to bond and connect over tea like we would sit, make tea and then just talk for hours. So I still do that. But I go hard. Like I have these cute little tea diffusers. I have one that’s a robot. So I’ll get like my herbal tea and I’ll put it in there. Um, or I have uh these flower tea. So they look like a little, I have that the blue, the little glass one. Yes.

And I absolutely love that. So that’s an indulgence for me. Um And I am again, all about the aesthetics. So I have these little honey. I don’t even know what you call them, but they like the dippers things. Yes. And I also uh indulge on my glassware when I’m drinking my tea. Um and when it comes to coffee, I still love coffee, but I do an organic co coffee. It’s a mushroom coffee and it tastes really good. I mean, it does give me back that energy. Obviously, it doesn’t taste like the actual coffee.

I totally indulge on it and it’s amazing. So yeah, those 000 and my last indulgence is this yogurt. It’s like an Oreo Yogurt. I don’t know. Yoplait. Ok. It’s like vanilla yogurt and then it has the Oreo crumbles when I’m on my monthly because you know, chocolate is like my biggest thing. Yes, I’m a yogurt parfait girl. So I like a Greek yogurt with like um probably grain free granola usually. And a fresh fruit like berries or I have some amazing organic strawberries in my fridge. That’s gonna be my, my healthy snack later today.

You know what makes me want to continue eating healthy is when it looks nice. So, you know, I could have just had a glass of water in a regular cup, but I chose to do things that are gonna stimulate me in my sense is blue, blue stands for healing and health. So I know that wellness is always a part of who I am because that will never ever leave me. Um It’s definitely ingrained into my characteristics so I still try to maintain colors in what I’m doing every day.

And food included. Yes, there’s a lot of rich content was in that color stuff I’m interested. And there was, I don’t know if you’ve read Gretchen Ruben, do you know her? Um She’s done the Happier Podcast, which I was a faithful listener to and she wrote Happier at home and stuff. But she wrote a book. I think she published it about color and I’ll, I’ll find it and I’ll send it to you and I love to read it because she went down this whole like wormhole about exploring um um color.

So I think you might enjoy that color. Psychology is so impactful. Yeah. Yes, so true. And your signature color, my signature color is turquoise. So I’m very attracted to your necklace today. So, thank you. You know, my signature color is actually black. Uh I have been changing though. I have been becoming more soft. I think that’s what has changed with life after care, being a caregiver is that I’m becoming softer. I used to be so protective over my mom. So I was very guarded with my own emotions and with protecting hers.

But now I’m starting to feel strength in being soft. So I’ve been wearing a lot more pinks and grays. Um you know, just being flirtatious with my uh with my silhouettes. Uh and I like that and also has changed with life after being a caregiver is giving myself full permission to take up space, like have full autonomy of my life to not really be responsible for anyone else. And that was, that was hard because caregiver PTSD is a thing and with the people that were in my life at, at a certain time, I always felt like I had to care for them.

Like you had mentioned, you know, once a caregiver, always a caregiver, but to what end? Right. And one thing I learned um from my therapist who was a part of my care team is that it is not my responsibility to care for someone who is in their full capacity to care for themselves. Exactly. Or they always need to, that’s part of their OTPT and it’s enabling. I mean, I, yes, that, that for sure. I think it’s, it’s, it is important to um to have some healthy, healthy boundaries there and going back to the softer colors and things like one of the things I’m really enjoying now is like, I’m a pretty practical gal when it comes to like dressing.

Um you know, how many times am I gonna wear that? Am I gonna get my money’s worth? I’m always at the sale rack, that kind of thing, but I’m having so much fun with newly and new. You. I love it. I’m here for newly, I’m here for newly. So it’s like renting clothes that I get to pick out because I’ve tried stitch fits before. But like I miss shopping, like, I want to pick them stuff out. So with newly, I can pick out my six items a month and it’s like a little under 100 bucks, like Fabulous Miss, but it’s so fun and I would say five of them out of six.

Like if I feel great in them, um, and it’s helping me, you know, as a speaker, like, I don’t always want to wear the same thing over and over and over again. So, um, it’s like, oh, like last night, my dress just had its moment and now it goes back and I send it back dirty. That’s another beautiful thing. You don’t have to wash them, send those dirty clothes back and I can’t wait to pick out my next six. So that will happen. That will happen tonight.

That’s gonna be my fun little me time is picking out my. So I’ll drop the link to that in because I think it’s a great way for people to explore, like being bold and trying different things, especially if you’re not really, if you’re not really sure of your style, it’s a really great way to kind of figure it out or if you have life events happening like a graduation or, or you’re between sizes you’re working on and it’s like um yeah, it’s, it’s amazing. Ok, let’s get back one more time and I’ve talked to you all day darn it.

Um let’s see. Um ok, this is a good one. Looking ahead to your to do list this week may be overwhelming. How do you make it more manageable? So II I would like to refer to something that I heard you say on when you did a linkedin live about caregivers are the best employees. We are, we are Gangsters. OK? Because we can take on a lot of pressure but never look like we are. I mean, we’re diamonds but uh we can handle a lot and I think it comes from being super organized.

Um We know what time our person needs to have their medication. We know if they may, they may be acting different. Is that a ut I, what is going on there? We are always observant, we are always on top of things, right? And we put that standard on ourselves. So what do I do when I have a full week? And I need to learn how to manage myself. I stay organized. I schedule everything and I use everything around me to help me be proactive. Like I use Amazon Echo on a regular I have my Google calendar.

Um I use my Apple watch and I try to make sure that I implement moments where I can have my well-being like even my dog is set up to schedule himself to wake me up to go give him a walk. So I just try to make sure to stay as organized as possible. Now when it happens that um even with a schedule curveballs come, what do I do? I remain calm and I, I once worked a job where it was very busy all the time and when they would give us curveballs, which is like, you know, the president of VP would come and say, hey, I need this now.

So stop all the 10 things you’re doing. Uh I learned how to pivot and I think being caregivers, we learn how to pivot as well. So yeah, I give it, I say and I pivot. Yes. Yes, yes. And give yourself lots of grace too. Well, Nikki, tell people, how do they stay in touch with you? Like where, where is a good place to send people so that they can, they’re like, I want more of what she’s having like, where do they go? I love that movie. So, so uh they can find me on social media.

I am on Instagram, I am on X which used to be Twitter uh and also on tiktok. Um and I, you can find me at a log cabin in Brooklyn. Um I’m also on Facebook and I do have a virtual support group on Facebook as well. Uh For anyone who is looking to connect and to share just their stories or to find support. You can find me there and, uh, I do have a website as well. So, um, you can also find me there. Oh, and obviously on Good Rx. So you can just put in my name, Nicky nurse and you’ll find me. Nice. Nice.

Well, Nicky, lovely chat chatting with you today. I’m so that it’s not gonna be partying as such sweet sorrow because I can pull up my, my social media and I can feel like I’m chatting with you uh there. So thank you so much for just being vulnerable, being willing to share your story, finding the the good stuff, the diamonds in the rough and um and really making them shine and sparkle and showing other people. I think the hope that it, that this is possible that it is possible to, to, to come out even even better like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, you know. Yes.

Yes and look. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you for making space for this conversation. I appreciate you and for creating such a safe place for us caregivers to be seen and to be heard. I’m so grateful for what you’re doing. So, thank you. My pleasure.

Thanks for joining us today on the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast on the whole care network. As always show notes that a company today’s episode can be found on my website happy healthy caregiver dot com. Just look under the podcast menu for today’s episode image and that will take you to the page with the links and information we spoke about today. You’ll also find other resources on the website along with links to purchase the just for you daily self care journal. When you purchase from my website, you’ll get a signed copy and for a limited time free shipping. If you’ve enjoyed what you heard today, consider subscribing to the show on your podcast platform. It really helps other family caregivers find the podcast and you’ll automatically receive our biweekly shows in your podcast listening queue. Maybe while you’re subscribing, consider leaving a five star rating and review or just simply talk it up on your social channels. Let’s stay connected. I’m on Instagram and Facebook as Happy healthy caregiver. And until we meet again, please take care of you.

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