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Happy Healthy Caregiver Podcast, Episode 177: Embracing Vulnerability with Nicole Will

Nicole Will cared for her grandma Betty and has dedicated her career to enhancing the well-being of older adults, their families, and healthcare professionals. Nicole’s approach blends heartfelt advocacy with strategic innovation, making her a sought-after voice in the care economy.

In this episode, we discuss how vulnerability instigates change in our lives and in the care economy, tips for those looking into senior living options, the hope that is being delivered from AgeTech initiatives, healthy grab-and-go meal replacements, and why living with your grandma as a teenager comes with mixed emotions.

Scroll to the bottom of this page to see the full-show transcription.

 

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Words of Encouragement

Each episode starts with a few words of inspiration or motivation from the Happy Healthy Caregiver Jar. Create your jar by downloading the Caregiver  Jar inserts.  Enhance your jar with the Caregiver Jar refill pack.Caregiver Jar Inserts PDF

‘Eat to fuel your body, not to feed your emotions.  #CaregiverJar

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Links & Resources Mentioned

 

Gods in Alabama by Joshilyn Jackson

 

 

 

Happy Healthy Caregiver Podcast #20 Choosing the right assisted living community

 

Just for you a daily self care journal book cover

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Favorite moments & quotes from the episode

‘‘In moments when we feel really overwhelmed and a lot is happening, we have to lean into people that love us and offer support. Without that guilt or shame.’ – Nicole Will #careadvocacy #familycaregiver

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‘When we have all these emotional challenges of caregiving, in our vulnerability and when we say that we need help and that support, it leads to a deeper connection with others.’ – Nicole Will #vulnerability #caregiving

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‘When we have our own story in caregiving and when we can share that, the good, the difficult parts, we break down stigma, we can have support in those challenges, we can have people identify and see parts of themselves in our story…

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Full Transcription

This is the whole care network helping you tell your story. One podcast at a time content presented in the following podcast is for information purposes, only views and opinions expressed in this podcast are solely those of the host and guest and may not represent the views and opinions of the whole care network. Always consult with your physician for any medical advice and always consult with your attorney for any legal advice. And thank you for listening to the whole care network.
If we are not fully letting ourselves be seen, just really scary for a lot of us. Um If we don’t have the courage to share our caregiving story, we don’t, then I feel give other people permission to do the same.
Caring for aging parents or other loved ones while working, raising Children and trying to live your own life, wondering how to find the time for your personal health and happiness. Well, you’re in the right place. Welcome to the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast to show where real family caregivers share how to be happy and healthy while caring for others. Now, here’s your host, Family Caregiver and Certified Caregiving consultant, Elizabeth Miller.
Hello, and thanks for tuning in to the Happy Healthy Care Ever podcast, which is part of the whole care network. If this is your first time listening, welcome. This is a show produced biweekly to help family caregivers integrate self care and caregiving into their lives. Do you have a favorite social media platform? I do. Mine is Instagram. I like the photos and the videos and I find it easy to use and mark my favorite accounts. Happy healthy caregiver post to Instagram on weekdays. And I enjoy sharing caregiving and self care tips with the Instagram reels.
If you’re on Instagram, I invite you to follow Happy healthy caregiver and save us to your favorites. If you like what you see, consider sharing a post to your story. This helps us connect the podcast and other helpful resources to family caregivers who may not yet know about us. Go to Instagram and look for a happy healthy caregiver. I’d like to thank our episode sponsor for today. Rare patient voice. Do you want to earn cash in exchange for your opinion? Rare patient voice or R PV? Helps connect researchers with patients and family caregivers for over 700 diseases and conditions for patients and caregivers.
R PV provides the opportunity to voice their opinions to improve medical products and services while earning cash rewards, rare patient voice, helping patients and caregivers share their voices if you’re interested, join the R PV panel by going to Rare patient voice. com/happy, healthy caregiver for this episode segment of what I’m reading. I am so stingy with my five star reads. And I recently gave a book a five out of five stars on goodreads. It’s called Gods in Alabama by Jocelyn Jackson. And I’m going to link to it, of course, in the show notes, but this book had two intertwined plots.
One was a murder mystery from 10 years ago set in rural Alabama and one present day interracial romance both had me picking up my book to find out what happens next. The book’s not super long and it drew me in without dragging everything out. So I hope you check it out Gods in Alabama by Jocelyn Jackson. My favorite thing this week that I want to share with you is something I’m going to put into the category of intellectual self care. And it’s, um, my kids got me turned on to it.
Actually, I was doing the Wordle on New York Times for a while and then I just kind of went to the wayside, but there’s an app called the NYT Games or the New York Time Games app. And it’s, I only play the free stuff, but you can certainly subscribe and get access to more games. And the three games I like to play are the Wordle. So Wordle, if you’re not familiar, you get six chances to guess a five letter word and then I play the mini crossword.
It’s exactly what you think. It’s a short and sweet crossword puzzle with clues, you know, down and across and lastly the most challenging. And probably my favorite though is the connections. And that’s where you group words that share common thread, you group them together. There’s like, I think four groupings of three words and they’re always trying to trick me and trick you. It reminds me of playing a board game that I enjoy called Code names. Um but I can play this one by myself. So I’ll link to that app again. It’s the Nyt games app.
Let’s meet today’s caregiver in the spotlight, Nicole will cared for her grandma Betty and has dedicated her career to enhancing the well being of older adults, their families and health care professionals. Nicole’s approach blends heartfelt advocacy with strategic innovation, making her a sought after voice in the care economy. In this episode, we discuss how vulnerability instigates change in our lives and in the care economy, tips for those looking into the senior living options and the hope that’s being delivered from age tech initiatives, healthy grab and go meal replacements and why living with your grandma as a teenager comes with a lot of mixed emotions. I hope you enjoy the show.
Welcome Nicole to the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast. Thank you for having me. I am looking forward to this time with you. It’s a treat. Thank you. Ah Thank you. Well, um, we kick off the show Nicole with a little bit of information, encouragement, motivation for family caregivers, in particular from the happy healthy caregiver jar. So I would love to get your thoughts on whatever we’re pulling out today, ok? It says eat to fuel your body, not to feed your emotions. Oh I feel like this is speaking to me today.
All, all of us, right? Yeah, that’s, it’s so true. And I’ve learned, you know, throughout my journey with food and my life and I feel better when I eat to feel my body. And I think especially in our caregiving, we wanna have energy, we wanna feel good. And even for myself, I know that I’ve just been trying to implement things like I never took vitamins before. Ok. Well, I need to do that and I need to eat like real food and just carve out time or even like make time to eat.
I think as caregivers too, we can get really busy and just not take the time to stop and slow down and nourish our bodies like literally I just ate a protein bar because I was like I looked at and I was like, oh my gosh, it’s almost 130. I haven’t eaten lunch yet. And thankfully I have some healthy things that I keep on hand. Um Some, you know, premade smoothies and protein bars that are, don’t have a lot of garbage in it. Um So it made me think I will link to the Amazon store where I have shared some of my favorite things, um, that help me but like smoothies.
I love making my own smoothies in particular. Like, that’s, that’s my jam because it’s a great way to kind of get a bunch of nutrients in a very quick way. And when I was a working caregiver, um, I guess I’m still a working caregiver but when I was a corporate working caregiver, uh, it was easy to kind of make them ahead of time and grab and go. So your favorite recipes you like to use? I it depends if I’m in a chocolate mood or a berry mood.
But um I use a vanilla protein powder base for either one and then I’ll add like cacao powder and cacao Nibs and a banana. Um Stevia usually sweeten them with Stevia and the frozen banana ideally to kind of make it. And then the berry one. I love raspberries and strawberries and all of that. So sometimes I’m in the mood for one or the other, but I can share a couple of those. I’ll put them in the, in the show notes page. What about you? Yeah. You know, I just discovered, I do like making my own smoothies, but I just discovered for when I’m like really on the go Chobani has a protein drink with 20 g of protein and it’s a quick, you know, grab at the grocery store.
I keep them on hand and I put chia seeds in there and I shake it up. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. Then I got my protein. I got my chia seeds. It’s been my new favorite way to just, that’s what I had this morning. Actually I was doing some work. So it was perfect. I had my, I had a protein shake this morning. I think it was by Rebel Rebl. I got it at Whole Foods. I’ve been following this guy health with Hunter. I’ll link to him too on um, you know, Instagram and I just like him because he’s like, I love a good haul and he shows halls and what he bought and then I tried this, I think he recommended Aloha lemon Cashews protein bar.
No, non GMO, you know, try to find light sugar and stuff because sometimes you think you’re eating good stuff and then you look at the back like this one has 14 g of protein. Um Total sugars. 5 g of sugars. Yeah, and taste like I’m a lemon girl. So I love that. Yeah. Organic gluten free soy, free dairy, free plant-based. Perfect. Yeah. So listen, we’ve given you guys a lot of different options there but that’s a grab and go like having that stuff on hand. That’s I think so. Key.
All right, let’s get into the meat of the conversation. So we met in person at the care colloquium which was kind of a one time I think um event or we haven’t had in Roanoke in 2022. And we were on the same panel we were, I think we were talking about, I was trying to remember, I think we were talking about the language that we use when we’re talking about caregiving and particularly older adults. And I learned so much from everybody on the panel. Um What, what was something I think that you contributed or you would reiterate about the language and some of the stuff that we say when it comes to caring for older adults. Yeah.
Oh my goodness, you are. This is good. I have to like really think back to remember the details. Yeah, I want to say it was also, I think we’re talking about workplace. Does that ring a bell like workplace? And a lot of the hurdle is that our caregivers don’t always self identify, right? As a caregiver. So how do we use language so that we know, wait, that’s us. We can look for support when we don’t know what we’re looking for, right? We can’t find it. And so I think when we understand we are a caregiver, we’re supporting our loved ones, whether it’s um full time, part time, even at a distance, right?
And, and whether it’s a neighbor or a friend or a parent that we still can have access to all resources. So that’s such a good point. It’s like, it’s hard because we know there’s now that we’re in this space and the care economy, space and like we know that there’s good stuff and there’s good resources out there. But if you don’t know what you’re searching for and those words that you might not find it, like you’re thinking you’re just a, just not just, but a partner as, uh you know, someone caring for someone who uh, needs more functional or um disease focused care.
Like it’s caregiving is everywhere, it’s everywhere. So that’s a, that’s a good, um, a good reminder that it, it is the language we use so often. I’m sure you meet people too. It’s like we start talking to them and they’re like, oh, well, I just do this for someone or I just do that for something. I’m like, yeah, you’re a caregiver. That’s, I know, maybe you don’t want to take that label on. But um that if you put that in or caregiver support or things like that and see what will pop up.
I know. I know. I know the care colloquium was wonderful and I think, ok, if, if, what it did was at least bring us together for that moment in time so we could all meet each other so much has come from those relationships, you know, since, since that time. So, yeah, it was a special time. Yeah, a lot of great podcast episodes. I know. Um, we’re gonna get into yours and, and talk about that too. But you, let’s talk about your caregiving story. So you helped care for your grandma, Betty.
And this really made an impression on you. Tell us more. It did. Yes, it really did. I was at an impressionable age. So I remember my parents sitting this down in our family home that I literally was born in uh since I was a baby and they said we are going to move, we’re gonna move our house and grandma is moving from Illinois at the time. We’re in Minnesota. She’s moving to move to our family house. And so we as a family and there’s a lot of us, I’m one of four kids.
So six of us in our home and looked for houses that could accommodate grandma. So one that we found had when you walk down the stairs, that had this little apartment area where she could have her own space, but yet still be in the home with us and it was a hard time, you know, I was really excited for my grandma living with us, but I remember feeling like I’m was starting high school. You know, life was busy, you’re moving where you used to live and all your memories of um you know, designing my bedroom, all of those things that you know, are, are surface in a way.
But as you’re a young person, everything feels like a really big deal. So and my grandma at that age, that age and my grandma, we always had a really sweet relationship. But now we were becoming roommates and my new bedroom was on the same lower level floor as my grandma. And we were going to be sharing a bathroom. She could, you know, see whenever I’d have friends over and my boyfriend at this time and it really was this moment of we, I know have like a new roommate and it was beautiful and that we just could grow our friendship and our relationship and have those special moments.
And in the beginning, our caregiving really looked more like social support. She didn’t drive far distances. She would have meals with us, she would come to our sporting events. Um And then obviously as time went on and her health progressed, we had to step in um a little bit more with that. So, yeah, I I’m like thinking about like the sharing the bathroom. I’m like, oh my gosh, Nicole teenage Nicole is like trying to do her hair and makeup and grandma’s got her, you know, issues and all the things and all the things.
Oh my gosh, looking back on it though, like, what do you take away from it? You know, I take away the cherished time of our conversation and her insight, having that older generation and being able to ask those questions and her wanting to learn about my life and t me things, you know, she taught me how to knit. She always loved Wheel of Fortune and we would watch that together. She, uh, was like the loudest cheerleader at all of our sporting events. And it gave me an understanding of the importance of learning about people in my life and family and what it was like for them to grow up and what recipes did they love and what traditions did she want to take forward and, and share with our family and having conversation and also being open to being really flexible of what I thought my life would look like as a young person living in our family home really changed drastically.
You know, we didn’t just have our, our family dinners anymore. Weren’t that, you know, what’s the word? Nuclear family? It was now extended and there were many rich blessings with that and a lot of change and, and a lot of, you know, challenges that came with it too. Uh, another person that wanted to try to parent us as teenagers and, and have a say about, um, I remember, you know, if we’d get in trouble or do something, you know, there was then another addition of someone having a thought about that.
Oh, my God. I don’t think you were that much of a handful though. Like, I’m trying to think like, um, Nicole. Although I know, like, yeah, sometimes I’m sure we could surprise people. Yes, I did give my parents a run for their money a little bit of time. Yeah. I used to write poetry and like, like, smoke cigarettes, blow, smoke out the window, write poetry my own. I love, I love to look at my old poems now and like, oh, my gosh, what was Elizabeth? I can relate to moving, you know, at that I moved when I was in eighth grade and from like a little rural town in Pennsylvania to Georgia and why we didn’t bring grandma with us.
Like, it was still, like, that’s a very hard thing to do to kind of, you know, you out of like everything that you thought um was gonna be true. Well, and now I know you have a company, part uh part of what you do is you have a company that honors your grandma. Tell us a little bit about that. Yes. Yeah. So I really merged my two worlds together from being from the family perspective, right? Caregiver world. And through that experience with my grandma, I went on to study gerontology and actually make it a career and worked in senior living for a lot of years.
Ended up working as a director and Jewel had this um family caregiving dynamic and working more on the professional side. And my grandma towards the end of her health journey, moved into the senior living community where I work. What? That’s unique. Interesting. What’s that? What’s that like? You know, it was so interesting. It was, it was the first time I experienced what families go through when you need to navigate that change, right? And, and understand what that move is like. And thankfully, you know, I had kind of the inside scoop on that and we made that transition really seamless.
But it was, it was also interesting to hear feedback from staff or have conversations when we’d have our, you know, quality assurance meetings or care conferences and hearing the professional technical side of her health care and what was going on and how they were navigating that. And then, you know, how does that get communicated to the family, what, what lens, you know, does that bring in? And it was good and in some ways because I was there right on both sides of it, I did probably act as this mediator or communicator and that’s unique because most families don’t have that bridge directly to the care team or I could, you know, dig a little deeper and if there was um you know, challenges to overcome and part of that, my grandma really had a hard time with male care staff, with the care routine and, and more of the intimacy, um the more of the intimate, busy care routine.
And so we had to work through that, like, what was, what were we going to put in place that would make her feel comfortable. But yet I know on the professional side, it’s always, you can’t always plan that and do what you want, you know. So it was, it was, it’s just a really interesting time but I learned a lot about um compassion communication, the importance of the transparency with the care team and they want, they so want to do right by the families and the residents and really wanna meet their needs and have them feel comfortable.
And just knowing the extent and the level that they went to with their quality gave me so much. I never questioned her level of care and the oversight. They were just fantastic and amazing and being able to have kind of the the inside scoop on all that goes into providing really good care. Yeah, I mean, it’s so different, right? Like my mom lived in an assisted living community and you know, with families, you can provide this like on demand type of care almost like you do with like one infant in some.
But when you are in a community, there’s you have to have schedule and systems and you’re doing things at scale. And I know that was where a lot of the friction came with my mom who had never really experienced that before and had this expectation of having things the way she wanted all the time. And so much of my role was trying to like teach her how to advocate for herself. And um I make her at least see things from the other side of the perspective of like no, you you shower is at 8 a.m.
on these certain days. And if you say no, you don’t get it till the next time they have you in the, in the queue. So, I don’t know, like I, I put together kind of my list and tips which I’ll share of like when people are looking at senior living and some of the lessons I learned and things I wish I would have known. But what are, what some of your tips and advice for people who are thinking about that or maybe frustrated with the current experience?
That’s so great. There’s uh I had a thought when you were sharing about, you know, like the bathing schedule and what I’ve seen too is an evolution within senior living where they’re really wanting to accommodate those preferences, right? We’re realizing there’s that term person centered care. So how are we meeting people where they’re at in the needs and, and trying to do the best to accommodate that? So we’re moving more in that direction, which I think is very helpful because for a long time, it was you, there was the set schedule.
Even meals are evolving right before. It was like breakfast at eight, lunch, at noon, dinner, at five. And now they’re really understanding that not everyone wakes up at 7 a.m. And if you’ve got 10 people that are a part of someone’s care team, you start waking that first person up maybe at six and getting everyone up by a certain time. So knowing that we all have natural schedules within our day. So, anyways, we could go on and on about that topic. I would love that. Yeah. So it’s exciting that they’re really seeing the value and, and how do we support that, uh, you know, tips with senior living.
There’s, there’s such a variety of care option. So I think first and I’m sure you include that is what are even the options available to me? So, understanding what that looks like, do I want a large community? Do I need more independence? Do I want a continuum of care? Right, that life plan where I can move in when I’m really active and I will be able to stay on site if my care needs progress, if I were to need more of that um uh long term care support or memory care, right?
Um Are we looking at memory care communities and are we more residential style or do I want something that has a vibrant activity schedule where I really wanna be busy all the time? So understanding kind of preferences of, of your loved one or you personally and and kind of understanding that dynamic and then cost I know that the financial um investment that goes along with that. So there’s a range of of housing options depending on budget and understanding where are my financial resources and where will they be used best and do at some point I anticipate needing Medicaid support and certain communities a lot as certain amount of rooms, not all communities but somewhere it’s that like almost elderly waiver where this room is allotted for this type of payment and we can have access to that if I were to need it.
So, knowing what your options are, if you might foresee that those financial resources are limited. Um, you know, I always say stop by unannounced. It’s great to, it’s great to make an appointment and meet someone. But when you stop by unannounced, you get a really good feel of the tone. What are people, you know, engaged? Are they pleasant? Are they able to accommodate any visitor? Because there’s nothing to hide, they’re just welcoming of whoever stops in and whatever family um wants to have that conversation. You might not get a full tour and the full experience, but that can happen at some point.
Um You see different places and get an idea of each culture at each one. It kind of lets you know what you prefer. And I always tell families while of course we like brand new buildings and really pretty things and a lot of amenities. I place so much value on the people present and the culture of the team and how engaged they are and how happy they are. You know, there’s a community where I live that I always recommend people to and they’re not the newest and the shiniest new assisted living in, in the on the block, but the level of care and how they interact with the families and the amazing support they provide the residents.
It is like bar none. And so I would choose that for my loved one any day over, you know, the brand new big fancy. Um so I mean, I know we had mom in two different places and the first one we picked for the reasons that you like, it was not like a country club, like it felt like it wasn’t, you know, it was, it was shiny. They did have a lot of amenities and then we ended up moving her because of the care. Like, you know, they had a, they had a lot of turnover and their people, they had, they had somebody that was, they have the same care companions doing everything, like doing the med tech type of stuff and the meals and moving people and it was just too much for them.
Like my mom was diabetic. So she, they wanted to have her meds in her room by the time they would get her down to the dining hall, like she, she wouldn’t be able to sit with her friends, you know, she um and then it, then she didn’t want to go and it was just like one thing after another. Like that was the next place that we selected was really focused on care. And I knew the questions to ask. I was like, how, you know, who says this?
And when does this happen? And they had separate medicine related people versus like the companion care. And that’s what my mom needed for her high level of care. So it’s like, but you don’t know this. And since you talked to caregivers and talk to experts like yourself, like you’re just a wealth of information for people about this topic and many others. And let’s talk about that. Tell us about your platform and your podcast. Yes. Yes, thank you. So, going through that whole personal side, professional side, I really had this desire to how do we, how do I bring what I’ve learned in my personal experience and share that with families, right?
Empower families. And so having will gather, which is this platform where I just wanna equip those older adult caregivers, healthcare professionals with information. I think when we feel empowered, when we know how to make decisions, well, then we’re able to do that with confidence. Uh The podcast is an extension of we’ll gather so with and we’ll gather the podcast. I help advise um different companies on advisory board and have the caregiver gift shop, Gigi Betty Co, which we’ll get into. But uh the podcast is really a place where I found when you’re, I, I don’t know, lack of a better term, like in the industry, I had access to education and, and uh training and seminars.
And I always felt like why do families not have access to this? This is exactly who needs to know all the things and really wanted to create a place where I could share all of that information with them, from caregivers, from experts in the field, from educators, from thought leaders that are doing really, really great work. So families know even what’s available for them to access to support their caregiving journey. So uh given that the navigating the world with their aging loved one, aging is so broad and holistic, right?
We’re all at different places of that um journey and the topics are a wide range of topics anywhere from dementia care to age tech, to health and wellness to our caregiving and um learning from other caregivers, those support resources um from uh authors that have written really great books about, you know, how do we prevent dementia? So there’s such a holistic side of that when we’re looking at when we’re growing older, the financial piece, the legal side, the managing our emotions and, and self care, it really just encompasses all of that.
So and it really just stemmed from my relationship with my grandma, my family, my professional work and seeing that, you know, if I can be a conduit of that um information to support people that makes me happy. Yeah. Yeah, it just should not be this hard, right? Like why, why is this so hard? Yes. And um the podcast is great. Of course, we’re gonna link to that. We’ll link to the uh your will gather platform and then share a little bit. I know we’ve had um we, we have a coupon code for the Gigi Betty um with happy healthy caregiver community uh under the style for caregivers and care recipients topic.
So I’ll link that. But what is Gigi Betty co? Yes. You know, it was really out of my grandma was loved fashion and she loved really beautiful things and I always felt like I wanted to give a meaningful thoughtful gift and I wanted it to mean something. And when I looked around and I know there’s caregiver gifts out there, I wanted it to be where you could gift a caregiver in your life in support of the caregivers that was thoughtful and that had meaning behind it. So it’s jewelry at the moment and I know we’ll expand those product offerings.
But we’ve got bracelets and necklaces that all symbolize. Um They’re all named after caregivers that I know and that means something to me in my life and our necklace that we have, it’s 18 or gold plated. Uh that’s the GG signature necklace named after my grandma. And it’s a way that if you’ve got someone in your life that you want to show support to, um in remembrance of that, you’re able to thoughtfully do that. And we donate a part of those proceeds for nonprofits that support respite care for caregivers and raise that awareness.
So I love it. I love it and, and it helps, you know, an entrepreneur and all of those things uh uh caregiver. So I feel like your motto is probably I have a motto that I say of like I’ll never be bored. Um because you’re also involved in a think tank. And I know you said your academic background is in social gerontology and then you have this professional experience, but tell us some more about this think tank work that you’re doing. Yeah, it’s exciting. You know, it’s been about the third year.
Uh my business partner James Lee, who is a wonderful thought leader in the senior living aging services space. And he is really the the idea behind it. He created this and he owns dementia care communities in Texas. And so he has hands on work with families and older adults and really, it’s when we think about this space and all that we have to overcome in it, we are moved by great thinkers and great doers and it really brings change makers together that are like minded that wanna build leadership skills deep in their relationships.
But also a piece of it is that we take different topics or different challenges we see in the world of aging and care. And as a small group work together to combat some of those and to offer support and hope for the world really. And we do that through whether it’s sharing a short films, a webinar, a white paper that we then release to the greater good for people to then have that um free, free access to that resource that then they can use and implement. So it’s a unique time.
We meet twice a year, once in May, once in December, where we come together and we not only grow our own leadership and know our purpose and how to share our story to the world, but then work on these tackling the issues together um to come together and then support the people that we, that we care for. So we definitely that will join us. Yeah. Yeah. Where did they find more information about the think tank? Yes. You know what, I’ll give you the link to include and we’re coming up, we have a new website that’s about to be released shortly.
So I’ll give you all of that. Yeah. And then I know we’ve connected, but maybe you could share a little this insight on the show is that you recently attended the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. What stuck with you since that event? Oh my goodness ce s was an incredible opportunity to see what was happening in the world of specifically age tech. Really. Um It was a ARP age tech collaborative, had a massive presence in being there in, in this technology world. And so they had all of their companies that they’ve supported, that provide various technology and services for older adults.
So when you walk in, they had a massive uh stage present and all of the companies that they were highlighting so you could walk around and see the innovation that was happening. It was so cool to know that they’re bringing everyone together, they had panels that gave discussions all day around, you know, incl inclusivity and age tech. And how do we address diversity and how do we come together, you know, with um getting technology into the hands of people that might not have access to it. So those are just to touch on a few of the topics.
So I was encouraged by the presence in um you know, a mainstream technology conference that age tech really almost was like the shining star to the day. So I know so the conversation that’s happening and it is moving mainstream and I know that given a lot of the data and statistics with um the buying power and just meeting the needs of all of these older adults, it’s gonna be um really cool to see what happens from there. So I love to be there. I um you know, my professional background is in information technology and I love when the intersection of these types of things happen.
Um I am a part of a group in Atlanta called H TECH Atlanta. So we meet and we learn from each other and of course, support each other and I’ll link to that too in the, in the show notes. Um And then recently, I had an opportunity with a partner of mine connected caregiver to go to Nashville market and talk about how technology can still help be a part of the care team. Like we’re running out of hands, like physical hands when it comes to helping care.
And so that’s where I think there’s so many opportunities and things that just, we’ve heard of that exist, you know, like Uber and Task Rabbit and, you know, doordash and Instacart, like all of those I think, have a place. But then the other things that people don’t necessarily know about, you know, like the things that some of the things that we’ve spotlighted on this show, like the previous episode with Paula where she’s talking about, um, the thing that looks like a frame but it’s a way that they can communicate, um, with their loved ones or, you know, there’s so many different things, Zinia TV is another great one.
Different caregiving apps. Um, and so many different solutions are coming up. So I will, I’ll link to the segment on the, in the Nashville thing that we did. Um, but yeah, amazing stuff. It’s so amazing. So, you must know is that Jeffrey Gray because he had of that age time? Yeah, I got to, I got to meet him. It was great. I know it was so fun to see everybody. Yeah. Yeah. So there’s a lot of, um, shining stars in Atlanta. So it’s like, I can’t I don’t necessarily get to every meeting, so I might have missed something, but it’s so nice to kind of know that Atlanta’s kind of got a big, a big role in some of.
So, um, and we’ll link to CS ce ses. So if somebody wants to check that out, if they’re in the space to, um, to, to go on there, so cool. Um, lots of good stuff going on. What, what about, let’s talk about self care for, for a little bit, you know, your self care tip for other people has to do with leaning into support. And I love this part about the positive voices. Like, can you expand on, expand on that a little bit? Yeah. You know, my personal story, not only with my grandma with my mom, but I had a surgery last year and I was in that role of having to receive care, uh, which is uncomfortable for a lot of us that are like really independent.
And so this for me is really, you know, dual sided in that in moments when we feel really overwhelmed and a lot is happening, we have to lean into people that love us and offer support without that guilt or shame and having those positive voices in our life, even our own voice, you know how we speak to ourselves. And I read something and I’m not gonna be able to quote it, but our brains don’t know the difference if it’s us telling our brain something or if it’s someone else or something else, so the importance of we might be able to absorb positive thoughts externally.
But if we’re not being kind to ourselves, we’re, we’re not getting the benefit of that and just the importance of, of how we speak to ourselves and what we, what we absorb, you know, and I think both you and I really feel that even those podcast voices and how we’re encouraged by our network, how we’re encouraged by our friends really do so much to get us through those days because there are times when we aren’t capable of doing that for ourselves and we need to be lifted up and supported by other people.
And I like that term that can love us louder than then we, then we can in some of those moments. And so with my surgery, I was able to experience and have gratitude for the love and support I received from others when I wasn’t great at accepting help in the past. And if I hadn’t gone through that hard time, I never would have had the opportunity to see how well people around me could love me or even how I could love myself, you know, and just the treasure of that, that it, it deepened my relationships to see how much people cared.
And I know not all of us might have those really big networks. And when I say people cared, you know, I’m thinking of two people specifically, right? So if you’ve got like that one voice, um for me too, it was also, I leaned into some podcasts that were encouraging for me, Louis Howe was a voice that comforted me. Mel Robbins, Renee Brown, you know, all of those names I know were familiar with. But for me, in those moments, it was that external encouragement that I needed. And so I love that lens of Brene Brown when we’re, when we have all these emotional challenges of caregiving, how in our vulnerability and when we say that we need help and we need um that support, it leads to a deeper connection with others and it leads to, I would say them understanding that they can step in for us when a lot of times I think we’re, we’re resistant to that, to that care.
And if we, if we try to hide in the secrecy of that and not talk about our feelings or how overwhelmed we are, we then feel like we’re living a separate life and there’s that shame in that. And so when we bring things into the light and we can have that empathy present from other people, um you know, it’s like that it’s a powerful antidote to shame. So, um yeah, I love everything that you said. And like sometimes I hear from the folks that I talk to caregivers and, and coach about like, but you know, they’re not getting enough help and like, really kind of unpacking that and what that looks like.
And a lot of times I’ll have asked them like, well, have you let the cracks show? Like, you’ve got to kind of like peel back the layers and kind of let the crack show in yourself. Um Because we make a lot of assumptions about things or we, we kind of have this narrative in our head of how things are going to play out. But if we really let the crack show, that’s how the light gets in and that’s how the things and it’s like, what if you know, what if you just kind of put it out there and reached out and what would really happen and how could that positively impact you and, and have like such a big impact on, on where you are today, Nicole.
And I’m hoping everything’s good. Now, since your surgery healed from surgery, it was a longer road than anticipated, which I think was what was unexpected. But I’m here. Yay, thank goodness. And you know, and you talk a lot about like the importance of people being vulnerable and sharing their caregiving story. Like, why is that? I think it’s so important. You know, there’s when we do not and you talk about that when you said if, if we don’t let our crack show, right? We can’t let the light in.
And if we are not fully letting ourselves be seen, just really scary for a lot of us. Um If we don’t have the courage to share our caregiving story, we don’t, then I feel give other people permission to do the same, right. We’re all, we’re all living in this place of pretending that everything, it’s fake, it’s fake news. And so we are robbing ourselves and others from being able to learn and to grow from us or us from them. Um It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable and honest.
But I think when we do that, then as a collective, we can come together and create awareness, not only in our immediate circle but our broader world, right? If, if no one’s able to have these hard conversations, then there isn’t gonna be change and there isn’t gonna be momentum or, or advocacy for caregivers. And I think, you know, part of the caregiving is that if we’re by you having people and caregivers share their story by us, highlighting and having these conversations, we’re saying it’s, it’s OK to show your true self and what you’re going through.
And if we don’t know the exact struggle and if we don’t know the exact challenge, then we’re not able to find the right solution, right? Or, or the right support. And so it’s, you know, caregiving is often this one portrayed one dimensionally when we know how complex it is and that it is a combination and I love you. You say this term too where two things can be true. At the same time, we can, we can have the burdens of it, we can have the rewards of it.
And there’s such a, a full spectrum of that. And so if we’re not sharing that accurate picture of the joys and challenges there is and um this relatable picture for people to pull from and when we have our own story and caregiving and we, we can share that, you know, the good, the difficult parts we break down stigma, we can have support in those challenges, we can have people identify and you know, see parts of themselves and in our story that we’re going through. And I think as humans, we connect through vulnerability when I think of my deepest relationships, whether it’s my friendships, my family, my colleagues, our relationship deepens when we share real things with each other.
And so you start to build that trust, uh you build shared opportunities together, you can understand each other. We learn from each other. You know, there’s also this idea of all of the voices being raised together, do create that awareness and advocacy. And so having that supportive community come around, you uh only gives us a bigger voice together and we’re not going to do that if we’re all hiding in our own stories. Yeah, nobody, nobody cares to listen to it. It’s, I mean, I’m convinced Nicole like I hope, but I hope that somebody listening to this is, is convinced that maybe, like, is holding back a little bit and like, what are you waiting for?
Like, do you want it to change? Do you want the change bad enough to, to step out of your comfort zone? And maybe it’s hard, like, it is hard, it’s hard to do that. You’ve got to your point, like, ugly cry with people or like, let the crack show and all of that and, and if it’s hard at first to do that, then maybe, you know, journaling was one way that I kind of got to like, help me process things and, and get my voice out there.
So journaling might be something that people wanna wanna try on as a self care habit to see if that works for them. And it is important to, to uh to spotlight these stories because like, I didn’t think of myself necessarily for a long time as a care advocate because I was like, well, I’m not like driving policy change or anything like that. And they’re like, no, no, you’re, you’re sharing the stories which is the stuff that is helping to give faces to these 53 million family caregivers in the US. Like we need to know Nicole’s story, we need to know, you know, um Loretta and Paula and, and some of the recent stories that we’ve spotlighted because they’re all complex and everything is, is so different.
And I love what you said about vulnerability leading to change and we’re broken so we need some change. We do. We do. Yeah. It’s, and it’s normalizing those conversations, those caregiving conversations so that it isn’t these where we highlight it periodically. It’s like, no, this is a part of our world conversation all the time because we’re all in it. I mean, you just said 53 million family, unpaid family caregivers in the US and more in the US and I know more gonna be growing. So just the importance of doing that. Yeah.
Yeah, I know. It’s like, and like I said, we’ll never be bored. We got plenty, plenty of work to do. And I’ve seen it like, you know, I’ve been doing this for nine years now. It’s hard to believe and it’s like I have seen a lot of change and I’m still learning and growing like all the time, there’s so much information and new things and like I’m, you know, now a support caregiver for my brother Tom, who’s got an intellectual develop developmental disability, like completely different path to navigate than caring for um caring for my parents.
So, wow, like it’s, it’s a lot, I’m so inspired though by the um the conversation and I really am hoping that people take this to heart, this vulnerability and let the crack show. I used to say like when I was more transparent, I saw myself more clearly too. Yeah. Yeah, I see that. So thank you for giving us a place to share. Absolutely. Well, let’s um I want to get your thoughts on some of the prompts and the just for you daily self care journal. So I wrote this journal because, and I wrote it with caregivers in mine.
But I really wanted people to have like a little taste that wasn’t very intimidating of what like trying on journaling as a habit could do for them. Maybe I want to sit down and start writing some memoir or some big blog post. But this was a way maybe to help people prioritize their self care. So let’s get your thoughts on some of these. Um OK, this is a fun one. What’s your favorite? Guilty pleasure. Oh, what’s my favorite? Guilty pleasure. Chocolate and football, watching football. Uh What’s my other favorite?
Guilty pleasure? Oh my goodness. I would say I love to. I mean, chocolates like gotta be I like have a stash that I hide from my family. What’s your favorite? Like, what’s your go to chocolate like that? You’re like, oh, I like an espresso chocolate. Like a dark chocolate. Um I like Peanut M and MS. That’s like a big one. Raisins. I mean, I mean, I was wondering if you like those raisins? Do you like snow? Perhaps too? I’m just curious. Ok, because I’m always like, who’s eating these?
But um too funny. But Peanut M and MS was definitely when I was pregnant. That was definitely always my goal I felt like I could be guilty but I was also getting a little protein so it didn’t necessarily. That’s true. Yeah, that’s true. But a chocolate covered pretzel that would be like, that’s got my name on it for sure. Um, we’re gonna go binge on some chocolate now. Um, ok. I know you live in Minnesota. So, what is one of your local attractions that you’ve been meaning to visit?
But haven’t yet? Oh, ok. I have to think about this because of my previous career in senior living. I would bring my residents to every like attraction. Well, maybe. What, what’s your favorite one then? Just like one that sticks with you? Oh, I love our Minnesota History Museum. It’s beautiful and it has just so much history present. But the exhibits are, I mean, they just come to life. So that’s one of my favorite spots. Um, I also love our Mill City Museum. It is in part of our historic North Loop part of Minneapolis, which has like those cobble brick streets and it’s kind of the history of milling but how they have it set up, it just is very interactive.
So my residents and I, we loved that, um, the theater, I love going and hearing live music. There’s a really cool little venue called the Seventh Street Entry and it’s next door to First Ave which first a is popular for anyone that knows Prince. He, um, yeah, performed there and so a lot of famous musicians have come through there, but this venue, it’s really intimate and I’ve been able to see a couple people play that then went on to be like massive, you know, selling out red rocks.
So it was fun to see him in this like a tiny little venue first and then go from there. It’s a beau I love, um I love Minneapolis. I used to be a Creative Memories consultant. So they were headquartered in ST Cloud and I used to go to the showcase conferences and loved it. Of course, we went in the summer time. It was a beautiful, I know um LA is way better. Yeah, it was like Michigan, which is my home away from home too. What last question is what energizes you right now.
What energizes me? Honestly, I’m energized by the people I’m meeting recently and the inspiration and the encouragement and the work that they’re doing. I feel like when I leave some of these conversations I have, I’m like, I almost feel this adrenaline, like I’m super energized by that. So that’s been really, really fun. I was so energized after ce and meeting everyone in person and you know, just, it’s, I think when you meet people that know when you know their hearts in the right place and when, you know, they’re really doing good work, uh it’s just encouraging and it just, you know, the, the energy you kind of want to be a part of it for sure. Invigorating.
I totally get that. And it’s a good plug too for like the importance of social self care, like getting out and being amongst the people, like getting out of there. Um So, so good. Well, is there anything that you wish we spoke about that we didn’t? Or you have any kind of parting words of wisdom for family caregivers? Oh, I mean, we did share so much which I love and just the focus on gratitude and the joy, right? Focusing on that joy. I think it’s so easy to wanna narrow in on what’s not working, what we’re upset about.
I’m so guilty of that too, but I am such a happier person when I can focus on the gratitude. It shifts my perspective. Uh even if it’s the little thing like I woke up today and we’re in Minnesota and there’s not snow on the ground, which is amazing and the sun was shining, which is unusual for this time of year. And I’m like, thank you, son, you know, thank you for not being snow. You know, it’s making the winter just so much better. So even in those hard moments, I think it just counteracts all those other negative feelings and I know it’s hard to do when we are not in the right head space to do that, but maybe a little bit can start to shift that for us.
So it’s, it is a practice, right. It is something that you just have to kind of like retrain your brain to do. And I know I, um, try to advocate for that myself because when I’m coaching individuals, I always ask them, like, I think the first question I asked them always surprises them because I say what’s going good in your life? And sometimes it’s like a deer in headlights, I think it can’t. And like, there’s got like one thing and it’s just, we’ve got to kind of learn how to like, figure out like there’s something good and, and usually people can come up with something like, but yes.
And then on in our self care group, um, Facebook group, we have Thankful Thursday and that’s always kind of like a reminder about the, about the gratitude, um, because it is easy to kind of go down that slippery slope of just doom and gloom and, oh, my goodness. And I know like there were so many Facebook groups out there, um, over the years where I’ve been looking and I’m like, they are kind of that space, right? Which is a lot of venting and negative stuff and energy.
And I was like, I don’t want to be a bright side person and like, but I do think there is this mindset of, of focusing on that and, and amplifying those things and, and once you start doing it, I think you then become a believer in the power of that the power of your brain and like it’s like goes back to the things you were saying earlier about the self talk. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, so true. I couldn’t have said it better myself, but you said a lot of amazing things.
I’m so excited to get your nuggets out of this. But, um, Nicole, how do people, we’ll find out more about the, the products and services that you offer? Like where, where should we send them? Yes, you can visit Will gather. com, which is the Willgath er and that will lead you to where to find the podcast, where to find Gigi buddy co in the gift shop and connect with me. You can fill out and there’s an email there and I’d love to be able to do that.
So, thank you so good. I’m excited to see what comes next out of your think tank and all the amazing stuff that you’re doing and I’m just grateful going back to, I’m just grateful we got connected. So thank you for all that you do. Thank you for having me.
Thanks for joining us today on the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast on the whole care network. As always show notes that a company today’s episode can be found on my website Happy Healthy caregiver.com. Just look under the podcast menu for today’s episode image and that will take you to the page with the links and information we spoke about today. You’ll also find other resources on the website along with links to purchase the Just for you daily self care journal. When you purchase from my website, you’ll get a signed copy and for a limited time free shipping. If you’ve enjoyed what you heard today, consider subscribing to the show on your podcast platform, it really helps other family caregivers find the podcast and you’ll automatically receive our biweekly shows in your podcast listening queue. Maybe while you’re subscribing, consider leaving a five star rating and review or just simply talk it up on your social channels. Let’s stay connected. I’m on Instagram and Facebook as Happy healthy caregiver. And until we meet again, please take care of you.
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