This is the whole care network helping you tell your story. One podcast at a time content presented in the following podcast is for information purposes, only views and opinions expressed in this podcast are solely those of the host and guest and may not represent the views and opinions of the whole care network. Always consult with your physician for any medical advice and always consult with your attorney for any legal advice. And thank you for listening to the whole care network.

 

Never be ashamed of advocating for your person for your relative or your older and use your voice, raise your voice just like you would as for your own personal health journey, raise your voice because if you don’t do it, who no one’s going to do it for you.

 

Caring for aging parents or other loved ones while working, raising Children and trying to live your own life, wondering how to find the time for your personal health and happiness. Well, you’re in the right place. Welcome to the Happy Healthy caregiver podcast to show where real family caregivers share how to be happy and healthy while caring for others. Now, here’s your host, family caregiver and certified caregiving consultant, Elizabeth Miller.

 

Hello and thanks for tuning in to the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast, which is part of the whole care network. If this is your first time listening, I am so glad that you are here. This is a show produced biweekly to help family caregivers integrate self care and caregiving into their lives.

 

Each of our episodes shares a lot of information. So we want you to be able to access that information. We put it all on the show notes page. So if you want the details about the products and the topics and the resources, you can check that out by going to be healthy caregiver. com head to the podcast menu and then click the image or the episode number for today’s show. We’re going to make that link easy for you. Also, it’s going to be in whatever platform you’re listening to podcast episodes, description.

 

I want to point you to the happy healthy caregiver email list. We put a lot of great content in there. Something happy healthy caregiver related every week. And you can get that direct to your inbox by subscribing at bit dot lee forward slash hh ce news. And I’m hoping that you’ve heard about this fabulous cruise that we are planning self care at sea is coming to you in October of 2100. It’s going to some fabulous destinations. We’re going to allow for caregivers to get the much needed respite that they need.

 

And you’re also going to make a lot of new friends and have this lifeline of support when you leave, this is available to anybody who loves a cruise. Uh And so I hope that you check it out at bit dot Lee forward slash HHC self care crews to thank our episode sponsor, Rare Patient Voice. Do you want to earn cash in exchange for your opinion? Rare Patient voice or R PV helps connect researchers with patients and family caregivers for over 700 diseases and conditions for patients and caregivers.

 

R PV provides the opportunity to voice their opinions to improve medical products and services while earning cash rewards, rare patient voice, helping patients and caregivers share their voices if you’re interested. Join the R PV panel at Rare Patient voice. com/happy, healthy caregiver. I recently read another Reese’s book club book called Lucky by Marissa Stapley. I enjoyed the story about a woman named Lucky Armstrong who’s a big time heister who really is just struggling and wants to start her life over. She discovers a lottery ticket that is a winner that she bought on a whim, but she can’t cash it in because she’s going to be arrested for the crimes.

 

You’ll learn about how Lucky has to come to terms with her past and the family dynamics involved in that and navigate toward a better future. I enjoyed the read. I gave it a three out of five stars for me. Favorite thing has been something that was on my 20 for 24 list and it’s called Resort Pass and it has a lot of potential. It’s a website and an app and they’re not a sponsor. I just think it’s a really cool idea where you can find local spots for a vacation in mostly metro areas.

 

You’re going to search, you’ll find a list of hotels and resorts that are near you that might offer a spa or a cabana or a pool pass or something fun like that. Enjoy the luxuries of some of these fancy places without the expense of having to spend the night there, which is a great option for caregivers who are looking for a day of respite and do not have the capacity to do big time travel. I booked a spa pass for a local intercontinental tell for my birthday.

 

I read a book by the pool. I ordered off the restaurant menu to eat poolside and I also opted to have a one hour massage. I did record an Instagram reel about my resort past day. So I’ll link to that if you want to check it out. I do recommend that you read the reviews for the hotels and the resorts because you’re going to want to know all the information, see if there’s any additional fees for parking, what the sun exposure if that’s important to you like and other nuances.

 

I’ve noticed that since I’m on their email list. Now I’m starting to get some discount offers, which is great.

 

Let’s meet today’s caregiver in the spotlight, Jennifer Cain Birkmose is a sandwich generation caregiver, juggling the responsibilities of caring for loved ones in two different countries and life stages while employing two distinct caregiving styles. She’s also an improv comedian and an instructor with over 25 years of experience in the healthcare industry. In this episode, we explore how Jennifer integrates her professional skills into her challenging daily caregiving routine. We also delve into her digital elder care platform which provides trusted services to olders in Illinois and discuss her all star care team that even despite their expertise, still faces the intense demands of caregiving. And we learn how Jennifer’s mindset and actions help her navigate and stay afloat, admits these pressures. Enjoy the show.

 

Hi Jennifer. Welcome to the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast. Hi, Elizabeth. Thank you so much for inviting me to be here with you today. I love your show. I love you. I follow you so much and I’m gaining inspiration, I think for my own caregiving journey from what you’re going through.

 

So thank you for, thank you. Likewise. I mean, I learned so much from all the different folks that I talked to and caregiving is messy and, and you know, we’re just trying to kind of connect the dots and make sense out of it all and I’m learning every day and learning from you. So thank you for having this time with me. We start the show Jennifer with picking some stuff from the what I call the happy healthy caregiver jar. It’s just different things I’ve collected over the years that have resonated for me and maybe will resonate with other caregivers if they’re looking for like a little bit of like a daily uh inspiration.

 

I made it for my sister who, when we transferred care from my mom to her, I just felt like, what can I make her? This is a just crappy situation to give somebody like a full time care thing. So that’s where it stemmed from. But now people can make their own jar if they would like. So yours for the show today says, believe you can and you are halfway there. What do you think about that when it terms of caregiving and self care and all of those things?

 

I think in terms of life? Yes. So believe you can, I would even take it a step further because do it, I do a lot of meditation as well, which is you see what you want and then you believe that you can and you believe that you are and then you feel the feeling that you have when you, when you predict that you are going to be that. And so your body is really loving to do familiar things. So if it already feels like it is that thing, it will find opportunities to express itself like that and you will be that so you will become it.

 

It’s not even fake, it become it, you know. Yes, pos positive thinking. Setting aside the worry, having a, a mindset that’s more productive I think is, is something that is really challenging when we’re in the throes of caregiving. But it’s uh essential really, it’s, it’s a healthy, healthy mindset to have. Thank you for, for sharing that. Well, I, you know, I was thinking before our conversation and I know you’re not in Switzerland right now and we’re, we’ll talk about that but you live in Switzerland. I don’t know that I’ve had an international, um, you know, resident on the show yet.

 

Um, uh, but tell us a little bit about like, why, why are you in Switzerland? You know, where are you now? How did caregiving happen to you in your life? Like we just want to get to know you for a couple, you know, this early part of the show here, Jennifer. Sure. So I’m, I am American. I’m originally from Oregon and I’m currently in Oregon. As you can tell with the sort of wild West looking background. It’s not a fake background. It’s actually, it’s actually a real thing.

 

It’s a real house. Um, yeah, and I’ve lived in Switzerland for 13 years and truthfully I’ve lived outside the United States for 25 years. Crazy. Um, and I, I think the best way to describe it is I’m someone who’s always chased adventure and purpose and purpose to want to do something to impact people’s lives. And let’s say very much related to me, change healthcare systems and impact healthcare systems. So I have had a career in where I worked for who in the World Bank and I’ve been an executive in the Pharma industry for 603 years.

 

And um those, those roles that I had professionally Vocationally took me to those different places. So Switzerland is, is the headquarters of some of the, the drugs that we are so grateful that we have because they’re, you know, the leading breast cancer drugs, the leading cancer drugs are all coming from Basel Switzerland where I’m coming from and a lot of the companies I’ve worked for. So um that’s why I’m, I’m usually living there. I’m currently here in Oregon because I am in a caregiving moment. Hands on caregiving moment.

 

So, yeah, so I think, yeah, just about me like I, I just have really, really valued healthcare helping. And also I think that this tradition of caregiving has been really running deeply with me personally because even as a child, I was a caregiver to my grandmother who was my best friend and she lived with. And so as a teenager, I was having to do, you know, her daily blood um blood glucose monitoring and titrating her insulin and giving her injections and being that person who was watching her when I got home from school, I would relieve the in home caregiver.

 

So that’s something. And I think she lived with us for 2.5 years during that time. I mean, that young caregiving is tough. Yeah. Yes, it is. It is. It really is because I think there’s certain things you can’t do. Um, and you just have to be a part of the caregiving journey. Um, I was watching my own daughter as we were caregiving for my father here and I really felt for her and I was actually so grateful that I could pass on that experience where she was able to be hands on with this.

 

My 14 year old daughter, sort of looking at an echo of myself from my own past where I was actually actively taking care of my grandmother at that age and then there she is taking care of her own grandfather. Wow. Would you consider yourself Jennifer then? Like a sandwich generation caregiver? 100%. I am a, I am a sandwich generation caregiver. Um, we talk to people who are like club sandwich caregivers. So maybe you’re, you know, you’ve got grandchildren already, great grandchildren and you’ve got, you know, parents, you’ve got grandchildren and you have your own Children and you’re caring for all those generations.

 

But for sure I am a sandwich generation person caregiver so that I have it on both sides. Um And I’m, I’m really in the squeeze of it very much on both sides where the, there’s the aging relatives. So it could be my own direct um parents, father or it could be other aging relatives that I have or we have in our world that we’re caring for. And also we mothers, I’m a mother and my own child has really struggled with mental health challenges. And um, so that means it’s more than mothering.

 

It’s also caregiving on a full time basis there as well. So there’s the, you know, we talked about this in our um little get together is that there’s so many complexities to caregiving. Sometimes it’s the physical caregiving. Sometimes it’s just, oh, let’s go clean the house and that’s a way of helping or house proofing safe, you know, making sure that the homes are safe for olders. But also there’s a lot of mental health burden that we’re having to support in both generations. I would say as um as we support our older generations, as they lose independence, I really see that across the customers of the company that I serve as well, is that depression that’s associated with losing independence and having to accept care.

 

And so that, that’s really a mental health element that we often forget in the caregiving. And then also when you’re a parent of a child that does suffer from mental illness, really, it can have a huge toll and you realize that you have to parent quite differently. So you may think, for example, if your child is doing something that is like a typical teenager would do, is that typical teenager behavior or is that a symptom of the disease process? So I, I constantly have to scan that, you know, the toolbox of consequences. Really?

 

I have to, is, is this a disease or is this just shitty teenage behavior? Right. So I’m, I’m having to regulate that often with my own child. What is, what a, you know, squeeze that you really are in Jennifer and you’re working at the same time, you’ve got the international remote component for your, you know, aging parent. Um How do you, you know, I, I used to do like process flows for in my day job in it and I literally at one point like put a process flow together for like caregiving is like, how do you discern where to put your attention at the moment when so many things are being called on you and demanded of you?

 

Um Do you have a, do you have a strategy for that? What, you know, what has worked for you? I love that you used your skills um in your vocation to support that. Um I can’t say that I’m quite as process driven in my caregiving approach, probably because there’s so much being thrown at me that I I’m a little bit underwater. Um What I can say is that, you know, aging is a team sport. If I think about caregiving for aging aging is a team sport. And so thinking about that, who’s on your bench, who’s on your team?

 

Who are you going to put on the field? I am really so blessed that I have a family of people who are super passionate and very skilled also in the world of caregiving and in specifically in the world of medicine and public health, just like me as well. Um And so I would say that we’ve got a really great team assembled that does it and everyone has a job. And so like one person might be doing the complete medical link and being the liaison of all things medical and then informs the rest of us, the other person might be managing legal and finance.

 

Um I, because of the nature of my job that I actually have the company that I’ve co-founded with my friend Marian. Um We do a lot of support around the living component of caregiving, which is support of food or rides or um home safety assessments and home modification and even tech support, which now that I’m deeply in it, I realize what a goal this is because if every medical record is electronic and you’re dealing with, with an aging parent who is losing their visual acuity, losing um maybe even some other executive function, having everything digitally and and transportable is useful for the healthcare system, not useful for the person who’s actually navigating it.

 

So I’m really glad that our company actually does a lot of this to help people navigate through all their tech. So I think because of that, that world that I’m actually driving on a daily basis in our company, I’m utilizing the skills and tapping in the resources of the company to help me make decisions and execute the care for my loved ones. Um So, yeah, so I think, I think that, and I think otherwise it’s just sort of like which, which is the loudest noise that needs to be tended to at the moment.

 

Yeah, that’s real ways. Elizabeth. Well, I mean, like I was trying to figure it out too, you know, kids in middle school and, and multiple parents needing different things, a mother in law and father at the same time. So it was hard and I used to get really frustrated with the oxygen mask analogy and thinking like there’s nothing like falling from the sky that says like, you know, hey, take care of yourself and you’ve got this nest of hungry birds that really, that analogy really resonated more with me where there was all of these things that were trying to take a piece of you and you are one person.

 

So you have to trust that you can discern that you’re putting your energy and your time and what, you know, mental energy, physical energy into what you can, you know, tackle at that moment. Um But it’s, you know, I think it’s unrealistic to think that you can feed all the birds in a, in a single day. So you kind of just hope that over a stretch of time that you can meet people’s needs and at the same time, like, it was a wake up call for me and I don’t know if you’re in, in that moment now where it’s like, ok, I, I don’t go out and do some things to reenergize myself.

 

I’m not gonna keep able to leave this nest and come back and take care of all of the things in it. Yeah, 100%. So I would, I would say, I think in the middle of this, I mean, I’m acutely in this situation right now. So it’s very timely. Um I got a back spasm during all this. And so I’m, you know, moving things into assisted living or moving things to and from um uh a skilled nursing facility. So for example, um I’m using like a mobile office basically, um that I like just not sophisticated, like literally like a plastic box with envelopes, checks, um computer.

 

Um Anything that we’re going to need, you know, the, the piles and piles of paperwork that we have to go through in order to admit or discharge or get this benefit of that benefit walking around with that. And just to say I have it here constantly so that I can always inform the rest of the family about what’s happening and put those up, scan them, put those up on Google Docs, for example. But the process of carrying that stuff around, carrying walkers and wheelchairs that I had never had to pick up physically.

 

So much. I strained my back. So it’s like, oh, now brushing my teeth is painful. That’s fun. Right. But that’s real. I mean, it’s very common that a lot of caregivers injure themselves from doing the task and I can relate totally to the wheelchair putting in it. And I used to like, look at these valet drivers. I used to use valet would never and I would like, I’m like, do you think you could help me with this, like, you know, lifting this, this humongous thing up sometimes with a walker and a wheelchair and the notes and the tote bags and going into the doctor’s office, you’re like, this is, you can’t make this stuff up like, well, I hope that your back feels better.

 

Um, and that something is feeling comforting for that and sometimes our body is gonna be like, hey, take care of this. Um Yeah, exactly. What was that like to kind of, you know, come from international and have all the, you know, this, this caregiving task on you. And you mentioned you, your dad and um skilled nursing and then picking an assisted living, like, were you kind of prepared and had a place in mind or how did you make the decisions about where, where dad would would be best. Yeah.

 

So I wasn’t prepared at all and I’m surprised that I wasn’t prepared and I think that maybe some of the listeners are caught in the same moment. Um, and I feel maybe I felt in the past a little bit smug or maybe a little bit too smug because of the work that I do. I’ve been having conversations we’ve been running, we started the company, we launched it commercially last September, but we’ve been doing this for the last three years. So for example, um it’s, we’ll get into what it is later.

 

But um it, it’s effectively like a like AAA tech company that provides physical services for older so they can live at home independently. That’s just the tagline, trusted services. Because if you’re going to have someone in your older home, the most important thing is that we have ease quality, but mo most importantly that the ring that rules them all is trust. Um And I’m deeply feeling that right now I don’t want anyone to be caring for my dad or in my dad’s home that I don’t know, hasn’t, hasn’t been vetted.

 

So we have a really complex vetting process. We’ve been doing all this and with regards to the tech, we prided ourselves on really being design inclusive with olders and making it really easy and accessible for olders to use. So my dad has been one of our Uyux testers. He’s been in focus groups. He’s been there from the very beginning helping us cosign a lot of this tech, which makes it easier for olders themselves to tap into and use. And then, you know, the adult Children can support them with that.

 

They get reports back on how they’re older doing. So it’s really a beautiful system of checks balances from a safety perspective. Just the people that we work with are all vetted. And then when they, when we always have eyes on all of our vendors, when they’re with the older themselves, and we can always give the feedback directly to the adult Children once it’s, you know, it’s approved when the, um, you know, they’re signed off by the older themselves, but that’s all to say that, you know, I’ve been doing this for a little while.

 

Yeah, like you are deep in the weeds talking about it. I’m deep in weeds, providing this resource for families that are like me. Um, and I’ve been having those conversations with my own father and, you know, dad, you know what’s going to happen when you can’t drive and because we provide rides for people who can’t, and I’m constantly having conversations with our customers who are, who will say, I don’t know what I would do without your company. Viva Valet is the name of the company. I don’t know what I would do without you because I wouldn’t have been able to get to my surgery because I, my Children live far away from me or even an hour away from me, they can’t get here to take me to my surgery or take me to my medical appointments, my physical therapy, who is going to do that for me?

 

I don’t, I, yeah, so I’ve been having these conversations and I, uh, maybe I just thought my dad would be super active and independent forever. And he was always like, oh, that’s, I’m so glad you’re doing. I’m so proud of you, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you that you’re doing this. You’re doing such great service for other families. Isn’t it great? I don’t need that. So, you know, so there’s that piece of it. So I think we all assumed maybe we had it under control and we didn’t.

 

And then when it comes to other documentation, which I’m sure that you’re seeing as well with other people in this community is that you think all the documents are presigned, you think that all the legal documents, all of them that could be needed have been signed, that you’ve got your post or your DNR, you’ve got your, you know, your emergency procedures that have to be followed. Your um your po A you think you have all those documents clearly laid out and maybe they were done 20 years ago, maybe they’ve been done and, and, and you’re older or the person you’re caring for is like, yeah, it’s done.

 

Don’t worry, I have that document signed et cetera. And then when you actually find the tissue paper, open up the box and discover it. It’s out of date. It’s from 2030 years ago. And now you need to have, now you’re in the middle of an acute situation where you have emotions running really high and you have caregiving that you’re actively doing and you’re having to have these really hard conversations when you could have had them in the nicer times when you could talk about what does, what does quality of life mean if we’re going to have um chest compressions, if we’re going to have intubation, what is that actually going to feel like for you at this stage of your life?

 

It forces really hard conversations that I didn’t expect myself to have to have. And so I think it sounds like you did the things though Jennifer, like you asked him like, do you have, do you have these things? You have these things? Like I don’t know what, you know, in hindsight, you know, can I see them? Can, should we check them? Like, I don’t know, like it’s um but living it and talking about it is, is also different. Yeah. II I think you discover, I think what you said it becomes a mess.

 

You, it’s a little like having a child I think is a similar circumstance when um you are, you know, maybe you, you dream of being pregnant, you dream of having a child you have your pregnancy, it goes, however it goes, you read every possible parenting book and then until you actually have that child in your arms, you don’t, you think, you know what you’re doing? You, you think you’ve worked out parenting, you’ve knocked out of the park, you know what you’re expecting and then that child is there and you realize, I know nothing.

 

And I think that’s the situation that I’m in right now and many of us find ourselves in is that we’ve prepared. We’ve had those bold conversations. We’ve assembled the team. Thank God, you know, getting, getting brothers in laws, cousins, you know, family that you’ve assembled the team and you did the work and you did the things that you had to do to set it up and then when you’re actually playing the game, whoa, it’s so much harder than you thought. Yeah, I mean, that’s very genuine and real and it’s, um, it’s, it’s exhausting frankly.

 

Like it’s just an exhausting process that all of the things that you think about and that you rely on and when you were talking about, you know, bringing kids into the world, I remember like being home with my new baby and taking like the newborn CPR class. And I literally was like, I don’t know if I could save this person’s life if I need to, you know. So I took it again, like I was like, it took it, you know, like I I need to take it again, like just really nervous about being that primary person for somebody.

 

Um Well, you and you mentioned a lot of different documents. We we’ll link to some of those so that people can kind of do a check and we’ve had some episodes about some of the things that that to have and I want to talk to Jennifer like, I mean, too bad that your viva valet, viva valet business is not in the town that your dad lives in. I think that would have been amazing. But you have chosen Chicago. Why Chicago a little bit? The ballet in Chicago. Yeah. Yeah.

 

So it’s a brilliant question. Why are you not? And in some, in some instances I can actually utilize some of the services that we have, um which I’m really grateful for. Um But we launched in Chicago, we selected Chicago because my founder and I are both outside of the US and we are both caregivers from a distance. And so we were uniquely trying to solve for our challenge, which is how do we provide all these trusted services for our aging relatives? Um And then I think we thought if we find the most ideal spot, what are we looking for?

 

We did census mining from the 2020 census and we were looking for the highest concentration of older 75 and above who were living at home independently, usually alone. So they’re possibly widowed or divorced and they don’t have Children living near them. So, within like an hour radius away. So we were able to mine that data and that was the highest constant. So West Chicago is the highest concentration of that demographic in the country. So we know that when we go to Florida it’s gonna, it’s gonna just, I mean, it’s just interesting that you, it’s Chicago, like there’s, we know that it will.

 

Yeah, exactly. So in the communities where we have high density of, let’s say snowbirds or people who have decided to get up and move, we know it’s going to work. But really the, the initial design principle was we, we know that olders want to live at home, they want to stay in their home, maybe the home they’ve lived in, maybe their whole life or for the last 20 to 30 years. And so we wanted to provide a service for those people who want to stay where they are. 90% of those people don’t want to move.

 

And what we’ve discovered is that, um indeed these people do need these services and do want these services. So it was a wise choice to prove. Does it work? Is it necessary all those things? Absolutely. The thing that’s harder than we expected is finding the adult Children um who often have flown the nest. So maybe those people have gone abroad, maybe they have moved to a coast, et cetera. Um And what’s harder is linking them because usually what we find is that when we talk to adult Children who are caregivers like us, their eyes light up and say I need this right now. Yes.

 

And it’s, oh, but you know, I’m in New Jersey or my mom’s in Pennsylvania or we’re in Northern California or we’re in Oregon, for example. Um And so I think that’s, that’s one of the challenges that we have. Um And I’ve actually also had customers in Chicago say, please get also to Florida because our parents are part time in Florida. So let’s get or snows. Yeah, I think it’s very common, you know, a couple of things that I, I want, first of all, you use the term olders, which I is kind of unique.

 

Um Some people say, you know, older adults or um elders or olders is why, how, where did that come from? So thank you for picking it up. Olders is completely by design. Um We made a really cool decision at the very beginning of our company and that we invested in two months of ethnography. And what that means is we put cameras in the homes of olders and we did ethnographic research, ethnographic interviews to really understand what are the hopes, dreams, aspirations, fears of these people for living at home, for independent living and how might tech support them in that and what are the barriers to that?

 

So we really wanted to, to observe instead of having a focus group of, is it A B testing? Because we knew we might miss something. So we were watching all of this and that’s really the, ultimately, the services that we put into our basket is what came from all of that in the process of some of these ethnographic interviews. We became ourselves quite puzzled about how do we demonstrate our reverence for you as a, as a customer, as a person who is older than us, who was in that age group?

 

Are you, you know, what would you like us to call you? Because we’ve heard like senior, like they say, you know, elderly, we hear all these words and we said, they said we would really love it if you just call us older because, you know, all the other biases associated and kind of baggage associated with all these other words aren’t necessarily positive, but olders felt like it was reverent to them. And so that’s what we call them. I like it. I like it. And I think you’re not alone too.

 

You mentioned like reaching the adult Children and or the family caregivers who are oftentimes making a lot of these business decisions. Uh It’s hard, it’s hard because sometimes they’re just, you know, there’s sons and daughters are taking care of, they just had to do it and they may not necessarily identify with the role or that’s kind of like a, a frog in the, in the water that starts to boil like they don’t necessarily see that it’s how much responsibilities they’re taking on. Um I hope that that changes.

 

I think that, you know, I would love to see our health care um kind of really be instrumental in kind of naming that for people like the people are coming in likely with the, with the olders. Uh So, you know, hey, there’s some resources for you and there’s support for you. And II I hope that that changes. We know there’s a lot of us uh that are out there. Um Yeah, I think literacy in, in this journey is really vital. So health care, health literacy, health care literacy, even sort of Medicare literacy.

 

I see. Um now that I’m immersed in it and luckily, I understand it and my team that we’re talking about, we all get it. I come from an entirely medical family. Everyone in my family has something to do with delivering care, organizing care, health policy. All of us are in it. And I don’t, you know, it’s, it’s sort of like, you know, an all star team of people doing this and we get lost. So I’m, I’m watching our own journey and I’m thinking if we didn’t understand how to interpret all these labs, for example, or didn’t understand what has to happen at each of these care centers or care levels or what we need to put in place, even though we might be placing relative in one level of care, we still need to um order in extra services if we didn’t understand that.

 

II I worry for the, the older we’re caring for, right, the safety of that person. And I think about again, this is like this is Champions League, we’re talking about, this team is like a Champions league of caregivers, right? Those people don’t have that literacy, they really need help. And many of us, like you’re saying, get thrust into this situation where one day you’re just, you know, hanging out with your older, your parents, et cetera and the next day, oh, they have a terminal illness and you are now in charge of managing their medications and you, they’ve been in the hospital for two weeks and now you have to take them home and no one tells you what you’re going to have to do.

 

It’s like, you know, all of a sudden, congratulations. You have that baby in your arms. What are you going to do? Um And so what we’ve been trying to do is also come up with some, you know, some coursework, some, you know, checklist. Like if you look at our Instagram, we have take action Tuesday. We have these little video, take Tuesdays. Yeah, it’s so good. They’re so good. Yes, we’ll link to the Instagram and, and we’ll link to all the things. Yeah. So it’s like I know that we don’t have a lot of time, all of us who are immersed in this are really time, poor, attention, poor.

 

And so what we’re trying to do is give you like the most acute bite size thing that you can get in 60 seconds that you could say this is something that will help you today or you could plan this today or there’s a conversation to have today um through this experience, there’s a whole bunch of curriculum that we will be releasing with that good, good. We want to hear about that and, you know, hopefully a platform like this where like that’s part of my goal is trying to fast track people, the resources and, and take some of the, the mystery out of it and you may not need it right now, but you may have heard it and be like, oh, I think I heard something about that.

 

Um But you, you’re so right. And do you have for you to have an all star team of caregivers? And then our health care system is very fragmented and there’s a lot of nuances and just because you have the knowledge too doesn’t mean you like there people are gonna get, you’re gonna have the money to pay for it. Like all of those things are, are, are so hard but to know the questions to ask or to know when to push back and say sorry, you know, we’re not equipped at home to take, to take dad yet from, you know, to, to know, when to kind of what your rights are there and to, to push back to, I think is, is a lot.

 

So I think for those people who are watching and like, oh, you know, well, you know, I’m not a doctor or I don’t have a degree in public health and how am I going to get through it? Like, defend, never be ashamed of advocating for your person, for your relative, for your older and use your voice. And I think that’s, that’s the thing is even us who have these skills, we’re having to use our voice and raise our voice and never be ashamed for saying actually, this isn’t normal.

 

I’m observing this trend over the last three days of my parent and this isn’t normal. This behavior isn’t normal or this symptom isn’t normal or the way that this ankle is presenting with this new edema that I haven’t seen before, that’s not normal, raise your voice just like you would as for your own personal health journey, raise your voice because if you don’t do it, who no one’s going to do it for you. And they see so many different people. Like it’s just like they don’t remember what they told you already.

 

And and to your point, like you are the expert as the family member or the caregiver in your person. Like you know them better than this, this person knows them. So I think that’s a great, great tip I love the improv comedy. So you’ve got that kind of in your, in your past. I’m curious, does the improv and the comedy part of you like, how does that infuse into your caregiving life? Yeah. So improv is my past. It’s also my present in that. Um In fact, in Basel, I run a comedy school, I teach comedy to actors and even in corporate environments and we also perform.

 

So we, we do, you know, we do shows, we take it shows um all the jazz hands, all the show business, we, we do all that with caregiving. Um For example, the writing of my company, I teach many improv tools to my staff and to my service providers. So when our service providers go through the vetting process, they go onto our platform and they become eligible to serve our customers, they have to go through extensive training by us as a team. And I also teach them these tools and I asked them to use them because um improv is the act of, let’s say creating something from nothing always.

 

So we’re always improvising, even if we don’t think we’re on a stage, we’re always improvising. And in order to, to make this art, if I think about it as an art form, one has to be totally connected to the ensemble. So an ensemble is different from a team and that a team is like, you know, Elizabeth, you do accounting and I’ll do hr and you know, Gary will do, I don’t know, he’ll make the coffee um in an ensemble. You have to jump in and do whatever is required in the moment because you’re creating the world.

 

And so in order to do that, you have to trust each other and you have to really become in like a one common brain. It’s like a kinetic yoga almost where you’re really super kinetic mindfulness, you’re super connected. So very hyper present. So we do a lot, we do a lot of these exercises to get our people super present. So a lot of listening exercises, a lot of co creation exercises and yes, it adds a lot of levity and fun. So that if you laugh, like if you can laugh together, then you can create anything together, right?

 

So we, we teach this to our, our team, our staff, our customer service, our providers who are delivering services. And I have even been able to teach that, teach improv to assisted living facilities. That’s, that’s probably my favorite group of people. What’s your like tip? Like what’s a good tip for that? Like what you might, yeah, take like one improv thing that you might share with someone in assisted living or? Yeah. So what I would do um I mean, I could, there’s so many that I do.

 

The thing that I love the most as a caregiver is something called headlines and it’s, it’s a listening exercise and we do this a lot in corporate environments as well, but it would be um you stand in a circle or sit in a circle in the case of with assisted living. Um And you make a statement, whatever statement you wish. And so we’ll let’s play it, let’s demonstrate it. I’ll say um whether in Oregon is sunny and whatever anything you say is right? Just make it up.

 

So the last word that I say would be the first word that you say. So weather in Oregon today is sunny, sunny skies, really help my mood elevate, elevate is a direction. I would like to go um in an elevator tomorrow tomorrow. I am hoping to have lunch with my girlfriends, girlfriends make the world go round. Isn’t life great with girlfriends, girlfriends are have been so critical to me. We, we have so much fun at our book club. Ok. So en scene. So what we just did there is en scene. Exactly.

 

That’s how we do it. That is a way to when we’re performing to help us really get in the moment to be present with each other to listen because if you miss something, then you are maybe creating the wrong thing because you’re all co creating at the same time. So you have to be hyper present. So where we use this in caregiving is it’s a great way to demonstrate that I’ve listened to you. I can as humans, we’re kind of garbage at, at listening very often. It’s, we’re talking to take, we’re talking and taking turns talking instead of listening to understand and to absorb.

 

So with this exercise, you can’t plan what you’re going to say until the last word comes. So you have to listen to every word. What we really like with this as a caregiver is to really absorb what’s going on, slowing it down. And then when you use that last word, when you start to talk, it’s about really building rapport and it’s, it’s like hospitality of the mind where you demonstrate, I listen to you and this is the evidence. So I’ve seen this work really well with caregivers.

 

I’m, I’m using it every day in this caregiving team. Absolutely. Um So that’s, that’s been a great one, I think as a caregiver and the beneficiary of that is the, the, the Carey. Um There are other things that we do like, you know, yes, but versus yes. And if you think about the, the prime rules of improv is, is yes. And so you say yes to what’s being offered to you and you keep building and so very often environments and meetings, you’ll hear people say yes, that works.

 

It sounds interesting but right, a big butt, you know, and a but is for sitting on, it’s not for your mouth, right? So all we often say is that when you say yes, but it blocks the energy, it blocks the creativity, it kills the mood, right? Kills the vibe. And then the gates really? What was sad? Yeah. 100% so yes. So it’s yes and um keep building. So we even just do that as a simple thing as we tell a story. Um someone will say, tell a little story around the, around the circle and we’ll say yes, but and we have them keep telling the story and then it gets clunky and it doesn’t really work.

 

And then we have them find the direction and go a different direction and say that, tell a story together. And every time each person starts, they’ll say yes. And, and we see how that changes. So even just putting that in the microcosm caregiving, it shows what’s possible and it keeps elevating the mood because everyone needs to have their mood elevated a little bit in a lot, right? It’s a great coaching tool frankly to Jennifer, like as a certified caregiving consultant. When I coach, I don’t do a lot of one on one coaching, but I do some of it and that it’s validating, it validates their, their journey, their experience, their feelings, all of that.

 

Um And yet you want to help then move forward to a little bit or kind of dive a little deeper. And so that gives you the opportunity to yes. And so I, I like that it’s super relevant uh in a lot of ways. I, so I want to ask you to like, you’re in a secu caregiving situation. Like what is keeping you afloat right now? Me as an individual. Yes. You as a person who I’m hoping is prioritizing health and happiness in little ways and staying energized because so much is being and, and I know you like, is your, are your kids with you or are they back at home or my kids were with me and now they’re back home.

 

So um um are there little micro things in your day that are just kind of working? Yeah. So I’m really fortunate that you see this beautiful place that I’m in, we’re in the middle of nature. Um The downside is there’s no mobile reception, which is probably upside actually, but I’m, I’m in nature. So I’m able to have, you know, my coffee sitting here on the lake and listening to the birds and watching the hummingbirds. So I take that kind of moment of Zen to really get present.

 

I have also prepared. Um what I like about my team that I’m that I have is all of us have a lot going on that would either enable or prevent us from being physically present. So we’re taking turns being physically present and then so it’s like intensively here and then off. So um pre scheduling um things that are really important, pre pre scheduling some self care in the form of massage, pre scheduling, self care in the form of um some intensive meditation. Like I’m actually gonna take a break and I’m gonna go do some meditation, then I’m gonna come back.

 

Um So knowing that I think this is also part of like foreseeing that it’s going to be hard and knowing that once you’re in it, it’s like this idea of, oh, take a break. It’s kind of like, please listen to my finger because I’m, you know, like, you know, like the moment you hit the ground in any of these care facilities you are on, like you are talking to nurses, you’re talking to case managers, you are planning this, planning that there’s not a free moment. So for me, it’s better to say I’m, I’m going to be immersed in this stuff and I’m going to pres schedule a break.

 

That will be maybe an hour, two hours, three hours, three days and then I come back. Um that’s helping me and just knowing that it’s coming sometimes, I think just knowing that it’s out there, I mean, I, I would schedule things, you know, when I was deep in it, Wednesday, Friday mornings were kind of my, my recharge mornings where I would write and I would exercise and, and, you know, didn’t necessarily have to cart kids to, you know, to and fro so uh that was knowing that that was kind of coming I think is some of the anticipation of it and plan and then honoring it sometimes it can be really easy to scrap it though when it comes up.

 

Um, how are you at that? Like, are you good, you know, are you good at keeping news appointments for yourself? I am good at keeping those appointments and also to say like the next three hours I’m not going to be available. Yeah. Or this, this morning because I was in the, er, with you until one o’clock in the morning. I won’t be visible until noon tomorrow. For example, you know, those kinds of things. I really paying it forward and blocking that time so that I can get a little bit of rejuvenation on either sleep.

 

I love it, whatever. Yeah. But how do you do, how do you do it without feeling guilty? Because some people are like, oh, the guilt is just, they just think they can power through and they’re just going to power through and it’s gonna all kind of work out like it did something bite you or did you have to learn something or is this something that somebody modeled for you? Um, I mean, is there guilt? Sure. The arm and I said, I’ve said, should I take this break?

 

Maybe I shouldn’t, I don’t know. And the members of my team will say you are taking this break and I’m really grateful that the members of my team are, um, also reminding me to do that and giving me grace and giving me the pass to say, like, if you don’t take a break. If you don’t sleep tonight, you’re going to crash. So we need you. So it’s really, it’s actually amazing like the power of whoever you assemble to be on your team again, in my family. I’m so grateful, but for them to say we need you to be there fully present and doing this job.

 

And if you don’t take care of yourself, then it doesn’t happen. So take that sleep, take that break, take that day or two or three or whatever to get through what you need to do and then we get other people to come in and fill in during those times. So good. I mean, you have a team for your dad in this situation, but then you have a team for you too. And I think that most successful caregiving situations that I have encountered have that they have that dual team like yes, we’re doing this, but we’re also kind of making sure that we’re looking, looking out for each other.

 

So fab fabulous there. I’ve got to ask you a couple of questions from the Just for you daily self-care journal. It’s a prompted self-care journal that I wrote to help people prioritize their health and happiness. Um Let’s, let’s ask you this. How many hours of sleep do you average? Um Is that, do you, is that something you prioritize sleep? I do. Um I wear an aura ring. Same. I just got mine. Yeah. Oh Yeah. We were chatting about that. That’s true. We were DM about it. I remember now.

 

Um uh I really do check it and I’m um I, I do monitor the amount and I monitor the quality. Yeah, I love the optimal, I just feel so good if it says like good is good but optimal. Amazing. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And like HR V and um I think in these moments of stress, I see how it impacts the quality of my sleep. And also what I was thinking of in the back of my head when I was talking about self care is like in the middle of a crisis, food gets really horrible because you’re running from two places, maybe you’re eating the hospital food or maybe you’re eating fast food when you’re used to eating maybe more whole grain, whole food, self cooked kind of things which I am and now I’m immersed in like, OK, which fast food places am I gonna go grab from?

 

And that. So, so I feel gross but I feel that that impacts sleep. So I see that my HR V is reduced. Interesting as a result and alcohol, I know I’ve noticed the nights I drink or I eat a meal late. Um That definitely has an impact on that. So yeah, it’s like making decisions with data I think is really uh interesting uh took a minute to get used to this. I literally just got my from my kids for a birthday present. Although I get to pick up the subscription, the monthly subscriptions on me.

 

But um but it was super sweet of them to, to think that I really have been learning a lot about that. Um Next question is, what have you done that lately or something that makes you proud of yourself? You know, I think sometimes we can beat ourselves up about not doing enough and being enough. Like what’s something you’re just proud of could be a small thing. Even in the middle of these hard moments, I did some really special things with my, my daughter. Um And even though it’s hard, challenging, sad what we have to do right now, I gave her magical moments.

 

So um I took her to Taylor Swift before we came, we did that with my daughter and her friends. I love that. I was just talking to somebody about that, how those memories have really stuck with me. And it’s been well over a year. Yes, that’s amazing. Did you see them? Where did you see Taylor Swift in Zurich? In Zurich? So before, yeah, so um we literally went and then the next, within six hours of the concert finishing, we were on a plane flying here. Um And I think, you know, there are moments in time when you do, you have to do that flex for your kid.

 

It’s like how it’s, you know, it’s challenging because it’s physically challenging to go to something like that and, you know, then there’s, you know, you dress and you coordinate your outfit so you do a matchy matchy thing and it was really cute and, and you know, the expense, although I got them face value. So I didn’t have to go through this, you know, major scalper, but I’m really proud that I had that experience for her. I’m really, really proud I did that. I think that and the other thing I’m very proud of is I’m a little, a bit obsessed with seeing the northern lights.

 

So my two goals this year like private goals were see the northern lights and see Taylor Swift. So Taylor Swift check and then you, we’ve been having these incredible phenomenon lately where we have so many solar storms that are happening, like in May, for example, many people saw them. Um And I was thinking, do I go to Northern Norway this year or do I go to Iceland? And just five days ago, we had a solar storm and I got, I have these apps that measure it. And I actually got up and I saw them here here in Oregon.

 

Yeah, they’ve been in Michigan. My sister lives in Michigan. Like sometimes people will text and we like run out and see if I’m up there um to see them. But yes, that it’s been, it’s been an amazing, like you said, the past couple of years, like there’s lots of opportunities even in the US. Yeah. Been in the US. So I saw them on Saturday night and it was like a dream come true. It was just ethereal and beautiful and, yeah, I, I’d, I’d seen them once before in Alaska when I was actually attending my best friend’s father’s funeral.

 

And they, um, the Alaskans told me that the, the, the, the Inuits believe that the northern light, the northern lights are the, the flames that are the torches the angels are carrying as they escort the dead to have it beautiful. It was like magic. You know, the, the majestic of the lights. It was just spectacular. Mother nature is spectacular for sure. Well, I, I hate that we’ve got to wrap this up, Jennifer. I’ve enjoyed our conversation. Is there one, you know, something that you wish that we would have talked about that we haven’t.

 

And then how do people find out about you, you know, connect with you and connect with viva ballet? Yeah. Um I think the one nugget that I, I really keep coming back to in caregiving is let them lead you. So we’re often confronted with challenging diagnosis or challenging circumstances. And I think, you know, even if you’ve got an awesome team, which we do, it’s still asking the person that you’re caring for. What, what do you need, what do you need from me? How do I best support you?

 

And I think that is relevant in every person’s caregiving journey across all the whole life cycle is before I jump with all my solutions and all my actions. What is the thing that you would like me to do for you? And how would you like me to support you? How would you like me to talk about this with you? And then they’ll give you the script and then you follow that to the T and I think that’s really relevant for me and all the caregiving and, or supporting situations I’m in across my life across friends or family, et cetera.

 

It’s helpful, good stuff and how do people stay in touch with you? Yeah. So, um Viva Valet, it’s www dot viva valet. com is our website. If you’re in Illinois, we are so happy to serve you. We could also do rides for you pretty much anywhere. So we’re starting that process now to roll out, roll that out which we’ll be tapping into in Oregon. I’m really excited. Um I did a ted talk on. Yes. And so maybe we put that in the show. I will add that.

 

I definitely add that. Yeah. Yeah. And then um so at Viva Viva Valet official on Instagram, if you want to get, if you want to tap into our Take action Tuesdays or any of the other resources that we put out. We also have a linkedin page. We also have a community page with Facebook as well. So, um that’s where you can find us. And um thank you. Thank you. Thank you for, I know that you’ve carved out this time and especially when you’re in an acute caregiving situation.

 

Um Hopefully, it may have made you feel a little bit lighter, maybe even like just kind of talking about it and having this space for it. But, um you know, you’re doing all of the things and I, you know, I hope that the situation turns out as best as it possibly can for you and your dad. Thank you. Thank you. Great talking to you, Elizabeth. Thank you. 

 

Thanks for joining us today on the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast on the whole care network. As always, show notes that a company today’s episode can be found on my website Happy Healthy caregiver.com. Just look under the podcast menu for today’s episode image and that will take you to the page with the links and information we spoke about today. You’ll also find other resources on the website along with links to purchase the just for you daily self care journal. When you purchase from my website, you’ll get a signed copy and for a limited time free shipping. If you’ve enjoyed what you heard today, consider subscribing to the show on your podcast platform. It really helps other family caregivers find the podcast and you’ll automatically receive our biweekly shows in your podcast listening queue.

 

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