a letter by Heather Zoccali; republished for Happy Healthy Caregiver with permission
Dear “Invisible Army”,
As we approach National Family Caregivers Month I want you to know I am here for you.
I am your advocate, defender, and non-judgemental friend you may lean on.
I hear your secret cries in the shower, cars, and bathroom stalls alone.
I understand the frustration and sadness of what was and what is.
I see YOU when you are in the shadows and behind the scenes making sure your loved ones have the spotlight as you find your light fading.
All 53 million of you.
I feel your isolation, pain, guilt, shame, and loss of self.
I share in your triumph of having 15 minutes alone.
I grant you grace when you are barely treading water.
I will emphasize self-compassion for you are only human.
I will breathe with you when the doctor brushes you off, because how could you who are on the clock 24/7 and deal with crisis after crisis on a daily basis possibly know what is going on with your loved one when you didn’t choose to go into this field.
I will advocate for you when work questions “Again? Didn’t something just happen?” Yes, I will say with you and say yes it did just happen and it will happen again and again and thank you for the support and shared understanding.
I will not apologize anymore with you for the chaos that is ours and embrace it.
I hand you my voice to advocate for yourself.
I give permission to you to start putting boundaries so you may find your joy again.
I empower you to dig into your trauma and acknowledge your grief.
I will hold this safe space for you to begin your forgiveness journey of self and others.
I gift you light and love to fill the cracks of your broken heart and spirit so you may begin to rebuild both to become stronger and greater.
I laugh with you at the healing power of dark humor.
I will challenge you to find the beauty in this brutal life we lead.
I will gladly conduct this hot mess express and advance us into the light.
I want you to know I am here for you.
I am your advocate, defender, and non-judgemental friend you may lean on.
Love,
One of Fifty-three million.
Heather Zoccali is the Founder of Brutally Beautiful Foundation. Heather has been a leader in the family caregiver space and advocates for family caregivers personally and professionally. Heather received the Colorado State University Hometown Hero award, a Tribute from the State of Colorado for her pioneering work for Family Caregivers, and was nominated in 2020 as Caregiver of the Year along with her No Barriers Program as Caregiver Program of the Year. Heather firmly believes in the notion that a broken spirit grows back stronger in the face of tremendous life challenges and lives her life accordingly. She resides in Fort Collins, CO with her husband Matt and her two sons, Connor & Max, enjoying the outdoors, all forms of art, and a good martini. Heather lives, works, and podcasts from Fort Collins, CO.
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