Spring is here! Well, at least in Georgia it is.
With a new season, we get to witness a variety of changes. We see birds chirping, flowers blooming, green grass sprouting, and leaves returning. Change can be good.
Change can also be tough – really tough. Especially when a boatload of changes erupt all at once and flip your life upside down.
A change like becoming a family caregiver.
Fact: life is dynamic and ever-changing
Significant changes in our life are recognized socially with milestone ceremonies, parties, or traditions. As I reflect back on my life some of the monumental events that stick out include my first day of school, moving from PA to GA, passing my driver’s test, graduating high school, celebrating my 21st birthday, accepting my first job, marrying my sweetheart, buying our first house, and birthing each of my children. The parties and events associated with these events helped me and my family transition.
Memorial or celebration of life services when we have lost a loved one have also helped us transition.
What helps us when we transition into a new phase of becoming a family caregiver?
Accepting change as an unexpected family caregiver
Diagnoses, doctor visits, mobility issues, complicated care routines, memory concerns, financial woes, and lots of questions. Oh…and a huge time investment of our time!
No wonder we start out stressed and overwhelmed! We just obtained an avalanche of additional responsibility that wasn’t in our life plan!
Chris MacLellan, the founder of the Whole Care Network, says it best: “No one has caregiving on their bucket list.”
Caregiving for family members brings about a ton of change – and no party! So how can we cope?
Coping with change while caregiving
The first thing we can do as family caregivers is expect and anticipate the change. When change suddenly appears we can then exclaim, “Ha-ha! I knew you were coming! You thought you could sneak up on me!”
When the change hits us, recognize your feelings of fear, anxiety, and worry are natural responses.
Next, realize as family caregivers we can’t control the change unless it’s a change we are bringing about in our own mind, body, or spirit. For now, let’s assume this is a physical change that impacts us that we cannot control.
The Serenity Prayer is a great reminder of what is in and out of our control when we feel overwhelmed with emotions.
Once the change has been evaluated as outside our control, we’re ready to contemplate our response.
Options for caregivers to respond to change
Perhaps there are some ceremonial ways we can cope with change. Who’s to say we couldn’t have a party for a car our loved one can no longer drive or a party to donate the car to charity or gift it to a new driver in the family?
As a physical symbol of letting go, could we express ourselves on paper and then burn it? While I often have written out my feelings in a journal and definitely in these blog posts, I haven’t taken the step of burning them but I’ve heard this is therapeutic.
If a change in your routine happens, could you do something to mix up your routine? Maybe you used to exercise in the evenings after work but now need to visit mom at the assisted living, maybe you could shift things around to carve out some time for a morning workout or create a digital visitation calendar for family and friends (Colleen Kavanaugh shared about this in her Caregiver Spotlight).
Experiment with new healthy habits and happy behaviors you can easily integrate into your day. Since my caregiving has started I have picked up on listening to podcasts, visiting a chiropractor, blogging, Snapchatting with friends and family, and having fun with essential oils.
Get rid of stuff! It’s so cleansing to let go of old things that are weighing us down. Subtracting stuff (clothes is an easy place to start) is a symbolic way to feel free, simplify the crazy, and make room for a new life.
Seek laughter and positive like-minded people. Record some funny shows on your DVR, favorite some funny YouTube channels, and spend time with the people who bring out the best in you.
Find your tribe of caregivers. Seek support from other family caregivers who have been there done that. This is why I love leading the Atlanta Daughterhood Circle. I craved a group like this when I was drowning in my new caregiver life. It brings me joy to see others talking and sharing tips on what worked for them.
If you can’t get away physically, find an online support group. I offer the Happy Healthy Caregiver Facebook Group to share some ideas on ‘what’ to do to not lose yourself in the process. I’m also a Certified Caregiving Consultant and available for 1-on-1 phone consulting sessions.
Celebrate Your Personal Growth
Reflect back on the changes in your life. You can do hard things! You’ve done them. You are doing them.
Recognize all the new strengths and skills you have picked up on this new life twist called family caregiving. Here are a few that come to my mind: Persistence, advocacy, healthcare knowledge, resilience, patience, and problem-solving. I’m also grateful that caregiving has resulted in fabulous new friendships and networking partnerships.
Consider what could happen if you embrace this change and pivot your mindset?
