a guest post written for Happy Healthy Caregiver by family caregiver, Dave Werner
My wife, Susie, began to show signs of memory loss in 2016. When we took her to the doctor, they told us she was displaying early signs of dementia. Susie’s symptoms progressively got worse. Having never faced Alzheimer’s disease before, our family began researching and learning as much as we could about the disease and what to expect.
As Susie’s symptoms continued to get worse over the course of the next three years or so, we came across an advertisement in our local newspaper for the Caregiver Support Initiative and saw that they provided free support services to caregivers. Shortly thereafter, my daughter and I attended our first Memory Café event with the Initiative, which offered an opportunity to discuss our situation with fellow caregivers. We have continued to participate in these events as well as use other much-needed services that this support group offers to caregivers.
I cannot express enough how important it is to discuss the challenges of caregiving with others who have faced and continue to face these challenges. A fellow caregiver shared this valuable advice, which has stayed with me throughout my caregiver journey:
Agree, never argue, divert, never reason, distract, never shame. Reassure, never say remember. Repeat, never say I told you so. Do what they can do. Never say they can’t. Ask, never demand. Encourage, never condescend. Reinforce, never force.
I have kept this quote close by as I navigate the daily challenges of caregiving and as Susie continues to show more signs of Alzheimer’s. Through the support group, I have also learned of other beneficial resources that I may not have otherwise known, such as Alzheimer’s specialists and helpful educational materials.
Even though their events are now mostly virtual, I’m still able to do crafts with Susie, which keep her occupied and allow her to participate in something stimulating with others.
My caregiver support group has been really helpful in being there whenever I need to ask a question or simply need a shoulder to lean on. I’m also an avid user of the wonderful respite services they offer. This allows me to leave Susie with people I trust who also enjoy doing activities with her like cooking or going for walks. This service is so incredibly valuable, I appreciate the opportunity to get a break once in a while.
I would like people to know that help is available, do not try to navigate this difficult journey on your own.
While rewarding, this caregiving role comes with a lot of surprises, challenges and unknown territory. To my fellow caregivers, I encourage you to please utilize the resources around you, ask for help and learn as much as you can. We are in this together, no one should walk this journey alone, and, you do not have to. I’m thankful to be able to keep Susie at home, and it’s all because of the resources from my network of support and the incredible people I have accessible to me.
I encourage you to research similar services in your area. It is these services that make all the difference in the caregiving journey.
The Caregiver Support Initiative provides free support services to caregivers of those with Alzheimer’s and other dementias located in upstate New York. The services offered include virtual support groups, respite care and educational resources.
