This post is sponsored by Depend® Brand. All opinions and statements are my own.
2020 has been filled with so much grief. I certainly anticipated some grief this year yet so much of this grief came as a complete surprise. How much more loss can we all handle in one year!?
When I hear ‘grief’, the first thing I think of is the death of a loved one. But grief is really an emotion that surfaces from any loss.
The Downside of 2020
For me, 2020 has included a variety of losses. In chronological order, I’ve experienced a loss of:
- Cherished conversation time with my mom due to her vision and cognitive abilities declining
- Vibrant social life and overall public safety. No more movies, concerts, and parties.
- Physical contact with our loved ones. No hugs!
- Anticipated fun events like Jacob’s senior prom.
- Daily routine and income from being furloughed from my job for two months.
- Both our children leaving the ‘nest’ for college.
- Mom’s death and presence in our everyday lives.
Some losses are more internal. Grief can result from any impact on our health.
We may grieve the loss of the benefits of a good night’s sleep now that our world is filled with so much anxiety. Or, we may be grieving over something which seems like a small thing, like incontinence, but has a large impact on our everyday activities.
By the way, did you know incontinence is one of the leading side-effects for prostate cancer survivors, which is one of the most common cancers among men? This November, Depend is participating in Stand Strong for Men’s Health initiative. This program is celebrating the strength of men taking charge of their health and destigmatizing incontinence. For every purchase of Depend Shields or Depend Guards product this November, Depend will donate $1 to the Prostate Cancer Foundation. For more information, visit https://www.depend.com/en-us/stand-strong.
Coping Strategies
Not one person is getting out of 2020 unscathed! However, in any year, grief and loss are an inevitable part of life.
There is no right way to cope with grief. I almost said right ‘or wrong’ way but quickly realized in the spring that increased alcohol consumption wasn’t heading me in a healthy direction.
Here is what has been helping me cope with the grief cloud of 2020 and armor up for whatever comes next:
Mental & Physical Health
For me, sometimes it’s easier to support myself emotionally by taking care of myself physically. I started making sure I was taking all my supplements (especially the ones that help with immunity!). Since I didn’t have the pressure of a morning commute, I turned off my morning alarm clock and let my body tell me when to wake up.
I also started subtracting the things that were stealing my joy like listening to the news and scrolling through social media. Walks in nature are also very healing.
Connecting with others
Marco Polo video chat conversations with friends & family are a reminder that we are all struggling and need each other. Zoom happy hours, whether planned or on the fly, are just what the day needed.
Social distance outdoor lunches with colleagues who were also furloughed gave me a safe place to vent. Daughterhood Circle support group has been just as much about helping me as me helping them.
Nesting at home
Extra time at home has been a gift in some ways. Lurking projects are getting done and our spaces are being transformed into our favorite places to be. One of the best things about 2020 is our new screened-in porch!
Accepting help
Particularly after mom passed, I’ve been open to accepting help. Business partners offered to delay and reschedule commitments I had previously made. Flowers, sweet cards, and texts brought smiles to my face. Meals from neighbors for my family were well received.
Celebrating the past
Completing Jacob’s scrapbook with Natalie helped me process his high school graduation milestone. Watching home movies with mom was a highlight of my year. Rifling through photos of the past helped us celebrate her grand life and realize no matter what we’ll always have the memories.
Embracing the Solitude
I call myself an outgoing introvert. I like being around people, but I need to recharge myself with some alone time. I also have great conversations with myself about what would be best for me now – getting a particular task done or just being in the moment. The answer may depend on the day. What isn’t negotiable right now is daily prayer and gratitude.
Reading also ground me. After mom passed, I reread Good Grief and I also try to insert some uplifting books into my ‘to be read’ pile. I am almost done with Leeza Gibbon’s Fierce Optimism.
Speaking of Leeza Gibbons, I’m taking her online Journaling with Leeza class and it’s been great for me to learn how to do more freeform journaling. Journaling is great therapy for grief. Leeza and I connect on this subject and more in her recent Caregiver Spotlight episode of the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast.
Escaping from Reality
I don’t want to discount the role that Netflix is playing in my grief process. After I returned from mom’s memorial weekend, the first season of Sweet Magnolias was just what I needed, and binging on Get Organized with the Home Edit made me feel like something was still in my control. I only wish there were more episodes!
The Upside of 2020
From every negative thing that has ever happened to me, I’ve come out stronger. Whether we want to admit it or not, there are some blessings from this year of so much loss. Our grief can be used to help us grow.
The big upside theme I see for myself and others is that the life experiences of 2020 have tightened up our personal values and made us even more resilient.
