2014 will always be remembered for me as a rough year. Both of my parents have been chronically ill for at least the past decade and there have been many ups and downs but in 2014 their lives started to spiral. In the spring of 2014, my mom has hospitalized with pneumonia and incubated due to breathing complications with her COPD and thankfully surprised us all when she bounced back. We truly thought we were going to lose her. It took weeks in a hospital and a rehab facility and lots of support and prayer. During these difficult months, my family was introduced to an amazing site called caringbridge.org.
Creating a digital support network
Caringbridge enabled us to easily set up a web page for mom so we could keep everyone who was concerned about mom’s health informed and in return they could help encourage her healing with sweet notes and photos. This site allowed each of us who were with mom to have one central place where we could journal about her latest health updates and people could follow along. This greatly reduced the number of phone calls, texts, and emails each of us would receive separately and allowed our friends and family to reach out and let us know they were thinking of us without feeling they were interrupting mom’s care. After we setup the site, each person in my family posted the Caringbridge web address for mom’s page on our personal Facebook pages and from then on we used Caringbridge as our one resource to connect our community of support. Everyone felt in the loop and was able to tailor their prayers to be even more specific for mom.
Another prayer chain
In the case of my parents, my dad was considered healthier than my mom. He definitely was the primary caregiver for my mom and my 51 year old developmentally disabled brother who lived with them. He made all the appointments, paid the bills, invested their money, and kept them moving in the right direction. My mom had only been home a few weeks when my dad was hospitalized. He had a few teeth pulled which may have initiated an infection in his blood stream. This infection caused many complications with his lungs, kidneys, and heart. Once again, we turned to caringbridge.org to setup our prayer chain. This summer month was traumatic for my family, an emotional roller coaster. We were often confused whether we should encourage dad to fight for his life or give him the permission to let go. I witnessed my dad fighting hard and possess incredible courage.
My parent’s digital connection
With my mom still recovering at home and requiring supervision and my dad in a hospital about an hour away and none of my immediate family living closer than a six hour drive – we had our hands full. The Caringbridge site that we set up for dad was more than just a way for friends and family to keep in contact and send their thoughts and prayers. Dad’s Caringbridge page became a lifeline for my mom. My mom was only able to visit my dad in the hospital two or three times in the month he was hospitalized and it was an event to get her there. We would use FaceTime to connect the two of them as well. Dad’s Caringbridge account gave mom a portal into what was happening. She knew what he was eating and drinking and what doctor’s had visited and the latest on his prognosis. Mom is hard of hearing so phone calls are difficult but once we installed the Caringbridge app on her iPad she knew how to get the latest journal updates. Mom was cute – she would write lengthy letters to dad letting him know how much she needed him. My aunt or my siblings or I would read every posted comment out loud to dad and watch his spirits lift up. Dad’s supporters went back into their archives and would share cute couple pictures of my parents or childhood pictures of my dad. When dad was alert, we would share the photos and reflect on these memories. My dad was the one that requested to stop focusing on fighting for recovery and focus on keeping him comfortable. He had tried to breathe on his own three separate times. My mom was the one that asked him to try one more time and he agreed. A heartbreaking moment that my little sister had to witness along with the Palliative Care doctor. The fourth time he came off the incubator he tried just as hard as each of the other times but too much respiratory stress caused concern for his heart and this time, the incubator was requested to not be put back in. Medications were started to lessen his anxiety, relax his body and keep him comfortable. In my dad’s case, we knew and he knew that the end was near and would happen in a hospice facility.
The final journal entry
Being surrounded by family is what made dad the happiest…so we planned a celebration of life party to take place in the hospice facility. My dad’s only sister and her family was there, all of my dad’s six children and their families, my mom’s sister and brother in law, and several nieces and nephews were able to attend via FaceTime. We all had an opportunity to share stories and assured him that he was leaving quite a legacy behind. Dad was alert during his party but not very verbal and for much of it his eyes were closed due to the lack of energy he had to keep them open. But we know he heard and felt every word. Dad passed away peacefully just a few days later. Needless to say, we all miss him terribly but also find great comfort in that he is finally resting in peace.
The last journal entry in dad’s Caringbridge page is called ‘My Dad’ and it is the personal words I shared with him during his Celebration of Life ceremony. My mom had requested that I post it there so that she could read it since she felt she may not have heard it all. Mom now lives near me. I visit her at least once a week at her assisted living facility. Part of the routine I do when I visit her is to close out her iPad applications so that the iPad continues to work for her. Many times, one of the apps that I close out is Caringbridge as my mom still silently finds comfort in the prayerful posts and photos.
