I’m tough on myself and I hate to let others down. Guilt is a common emotion for me – truly probably a daily occurrence. You see, it’s impossible to make everyone happy in a world with so many competing priorities. Just like an overstuffed sandwich, some wonderful initially desired ingredient is going to slip out and get left behind on the plate or the wrapper. We can just fit only so much into our mouths or into our day.
For me, guilt flashes into my head, slithers down the back of my throat and wedges itself in my chest where it pressure cooks for a few minutes. Sometimes it gets the best of me and I steam out a few tears but lately I’m practicing a lot of self-talk and can get that pesky guilt emotion to dwindle and sometimes even completely dissipate. Deep down I do know that I’m doing enough – more than enough…probably too much! (more…)
I witnessed a mini miracle this week. It’s been difficult to get mom to all the specialists she needs to see since my dad passed away seven months ago and we moved mom into her assisted living. Hearing aids was next on the list. Part of the reason it’s been a chore to get her to her appointments is that I have a full time job and my appointments and many of my kid’s appointments were set aside so we could help care for mom, dad, and my husband’s mom who passed last December. Appointments got backed up and oh by the way, I missed a ton of work. So we slowly chip away at the list.
Mom’s hearing has been really bad lately. One of my dad’s last requests of her was that she get her hearing aids checked. She’s probably had her existing ones for about 10 years. I know they were the best at the time and they cost a pretty penny. When someone you love can’t hear what you are saying it frustrates everyone. Mom has difficulty talking over the phone, staying awake during movies, engaging in meal conversations, and understanding her caregiver’s instructions. It impacts all relationships because the third or fourth time someone shares something it certainly doesn’t come across like the first time. This is when we get accused of being disrespectful. (more…)
A few weeks back, my 15 year old daughter got wind of the official Vampire Diaries convention in downtown Atlanta and just had to go AND wanted to gift the experience to her bestie as a birthday gift. She convinced me it would be fun and that I’d enjoy the convention as well since I have watched all the V.D. seasons and the last few with her…it’s been ‘our show’. Once I committed to the tickets online and digested the price tag for the general admission one-day pass and a photo op with Stefan and Jeremy’s characters, I really just had to get used to the idea that I was donating one of my full weekend days for the good of two excited girlfriends. (more…)
First, let me start by saying that there is no perfect assisted living. Afterall, I don’t know of one person who has chosen to live their twilight years in an assisted living. The phrase assisted living simply means you have lost partial control of your daily activities.
When we started looking for an assisted living last summer, my dad was in the hospital and we were focused on a place for a couple. Frankly, we didn’t know the timing or the details, but we were confident that my dad was no longer going to be able to help care for my mom and my brother and that they needed to be closer to family.
Once my dad had passed, we had to change a focus to just a place for mom. (more…)
I have an older brother (brother #2 out of 3) who is developmentally disabled. Today is his 52nd birthday and to celebrate he wanted the family to come to his regular hangout – Hooter’s. When we moved my mom to assisted living last August, brother #2 moved in with brother #3. Brother #2 enjoys playing Bingo, watching Netflix, and frequents Hooter’s several times a week. He’s like their Norm from Cheers.
My mother is still recovering from a virus, my oldest brother was traveling for work and my daughter had volleyball practice so it ended up being me, my husband, my soon to be 13 year old son, and brother #2. We had no idea on what to expect. (more…)
The reality is that I had several talks with my parents encouraging them to simplify their lives by downsizing and finding a place where life could be easier for them.
Sadly, I feel that I have been grieving my parents for over a decade. They had been slowly killing themselves with complications from morbid obesity and diabetes. It’s been devastating to watch and frustrating to witness the pain their addictions with food and sedentary lifestyles have caused themselves and their families. (more…)
Earlier today, I thought I’d write a Throwback Thursday post and tell a great past story. But, then my day felt more like ‘Throw up Thursday’. I already knew this….but today confirmed that I’m a creature of habit and I thrive in structure, I can get by on a day with little structure, but I really don’t like a whole day of unexpected crazy. (more…)
There are lots of things I love about my 77 year old mother and a few big things I’d love to change.
Once I came back from the hair salon with my haircut shorter than usual. My husband commented that I was looking more and more like my mom. I freaked out! My mom used to say that when she was my age she started gaining weight and falling apart. This frightened me. My mom is morbidly obese, has type II diabetes, relies on personal assistance for most everything and her mobility is limited with a walker. Her mind is still great – thank God! So you see, hearing that you are looking more and more like your mom…isn’t music to my ears.
This week I’ve been excited about starting this blog. I’ve been doing research, listening to podcasts, and scratching notes of blog names and topics in a journal. I haven’t felt like this (about anything other than my family!) since I went to my first scrapbooking party 15 years ago and stayed up so late dreaming of scrapbook layouts and all the memories I could capture on album pages. It also hit me today that I am a lot like my mom. The good parts that I love. (more…)
I’ve been told this several times, especially in recent years. I have never doubted that I have a story or stories to tell and I recognize the power in the written word. It’s powerful for me personally in that I feel lighter after expressing myself with words and it can be powerful for others who absorb the words and take action or see something in a different way then ever before.
I’m just like many of you in most ways…I’m a middle age mom trying to do her best in a world with lots of competing priorities. I often compare my life to a puzzle…each piece is a member of my family who needs care, a task to do, a meal to eat, a goal to work toward, a bill to pay…you get the idea. (more…)